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Mental health
independent_
Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
I feel like I have to say I'm ok even if I'm really not, and that it's so much easier to say that I'm ok than to explain my full situation every time. But in reality I'm probably the lowest I've ever been, I have no real positivity about or indeed motivation for the future at the moment, I'm so anxious about most things I feel I can't relax, everything I do and trying to act 'normal' takes all the energy I have. It's like I'm living my life through a cloud of just feeling so low and pretending I'm not all the time and I'm losing who I am within that.
Idk what I'm really asking for here I guess I just needed a bit of a rant mostly I'm so fed up of keeping this to myself.
Idk what I'm really asking for here I guess I just needed a bit of a rant mostly I'm so fed up of keeping this to myself.
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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I can sympathise with not wanting to tell people you are close with how you are really feeling. Sometimes we feel it is easier for us if we put on a smile and say we are okay.
It sounds like keeping how you are really feeling and putting on this "act" takes a lot of your energy and you are fed up with it. It's really good you've taken the time to reach out here on these forums.
Do you have anyone you feel like you could talk to about how you really feel? I know you mentioned that you feel like you have to say you are okay so I was wondering if there was anyone you were close enough with that you could talk about how you really feel? This could be a friend, family member, or a professional you feel comfortable speaking with.
I don’t have anyone really, I have a couple of friends who know but they don’t know how bad it is really.
I wouldn’t know where to start with talking to others.
It can be difficult talking about how you feel with others. It's good that some of your friends know, and it is also good you took the time to post on these forums.
I can't give you concrete advice on what will work for you but I'll share how I feel and what has worked for me. It can be easier to be honest and express yourself more clearly over text than in person. Speaking to someone in person, especially when we are in a group, we may feel pressure or an obligation to say we are fine when we are not. Having one-on-one conversations over text may make it easier for us to open up to specific trusted people. It allows us to control exactly when we say it, how we say it, and at the same time you can highlight what you expect or want from the other person. You can make it clear if you just want to rant, or want advice, or just want to open up about how you feel. Speaking over a text message is ideal for when we don't know how to start talking about how we feel because it allows us to control so much.
On top of that, reflect on how others speak to you. Have there been times when a friend has spoken honestly to you about how they feel? Remember, it doesn't have to be purely about mental health. Have your friends ever told you their honest thoughts about a relationship, job, situation, or something else?
You mentioned that you'd find it difficult to say in full how you feel every time. Is there anyone around you that you spend a lot of time with? For example, outside of work and study, I spend a lot of time with my flatmate. He knows pretty much all of my ups and downs, the hurdles I've faced, and the problems I'm going through. When I am feeling down or not 100% okay, because he already knows most of what is impacting my mental health, I don't need to start from the beginning every time.
Finally you could consider starting small. When the people you trust the most ask how you are doing, think about not saying you are okay when you are not, but starting small. For example, just saying that you feel average or slightly down today. Naturally, the people you say this to will ask more about how you are feeling and it gives you a way to talk about the way you are feeling.
I hope some of this was of some help or inspiration for you. Like I said, not all of what I have talked about will be relevant to your situation. Let me know what you think might work best for you or what you feel uncomfortable with.
There’s a few people I spend a lot of time with, but I’ve spent so long just pretending that I’ve become very good at it, so they don’t have a clue. I’m quite often a person people come and talk to, which is good I guess I like to think I can be supportive to others.
One of the major problems I have is a massive fear of what others think and how they’ll react, so I think that’s mostly what stops me saying anything.
I really relate to saying I’m fine when I’m really not, in fact my mum has no clue I’m struggling what so ever and thinks I’m doing the best I ever have. I feel like the more we hide it from others the more we begin to loose ourselves and then it becomes harder to talk about since you no longer know what’s “normal” and what’s not and you start to forget who you are in a sense.
I need you all night, come on, dance with me”
I know what you mean about parents, the thought of the endless list of questions is scary aha. My parents also think this is me at the best I’ve ever been (they knew I struggled when I was younger but I talked to them a lot more then) but in fact it’s the opposite and the thought of telling them so is scary.
Aww, that’s great about your friends, hearing your story with regards to that is encouraging. The only person I talk to who could possible help me more practically is my partner, the friends who know are all the online ones as I don’t actually have many offline friends. But I haven’t seen my partner since before lockdown so that’s been really hard too.
To be honestly I’m just struggling with pretending to be fine now. It’s like I think to myself all the time “how do fine people act”? and it’s really hard trying to keep that up all the time.
Thank you again for replying it means so much I hope you’re alright too
Its amazing you’ve got your partner that’s there for you and to support you, it’s a shame you haven’t seen each other in so long. It’s still someone to talk to nevertheless and I’m sure they’ll be able to help you out as soon as they can because you are important!
I need you all night, come on, dance with me”
I’m hoping I’ll be able to see my partner soon, some of the rules are changing in Scotland next week so maybe after that happens but yeah I’m so glad I’ve been able to talk to him through this. He’s been through a lot himself so he’s really understanding of this stuff.
I need you all night, come on, dance with me”