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Here I am - I'm new to here

_John_John Posts: 86 Budding Regular
Hello, I'm John, 19 years old that achieved little to nothing in life. I've suffered with anxiety, depression and mostly loneliness.

If I wouldn't have any of these, then my life will be stellar as I really want to make my parents proud so they can happily retire back to Philippines, without having to worry about them anymore since they've worked so hard in order to getting into the UK, bringing alongside me and my brother so we can become ourselves into British citizens.

It seems that it's only the beginning. The personal problems that I had for years stretched too far that it's getting up to the point where I have intentions of ending my own life numerous times over the years.

The only good thing about typing this, is that I've seeked help recently. Days before my exam, I went to CALM and seek online help for the first time, made my feelings worse since I deliberately disconnect the webchat in the middle of the conversation when she's worried of me and I'll regret it forever.

This is when I discovered The Mix, it took me this website when I look at other organisations from a referral website and it's looks appealing since it specifically aimed at young people. I used the webchat firstly before my exam and went on again secondly few days later whenever I feel low at that time.

Do you want know why? Personally, I don't think I won't be sharing my whole story about how I got into mental health since when I was the end of Year 11, since it's pointless. It's one of those people who likes to say 'Oh this guy is getting people's attention and I really hate it. Plus discrimination is what pisses me off the most when I always think of it and I won't discuss any of it.

From dwelling suicidal thoughts to speculation of suicide preventions such as news, words of encouragement etc. No matter what support is given to me, I feel like that I'm not going to get any better as I have way loads of mood-swings. But the fact that my instinct tell me to type this all up meaning that I've made a commitment to myself that if don't make myself an life-changing improvement next year, I'm sure I'm going to decide what to do with my life since I have methods that are going to plan out.

If I bored you already, you shouldn't have read this already and go to someone else instead. 

"Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak."  - Sun Tzu


  • _John_John Posts: 86 Budding Regular
    This is what I meant. This my first ever post. It didn't pop up before after I posted this and then I was pissed off so I decided to be an absolute nonse of myself and posted something in the Health & Well-being section. Just to let you know.

    "Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak."  - Sun Tzu
  • Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 82 Budding Regular
    Hi @_John and welcome to the boards  :) I'm glad you've found us, it sounds like you're going through some really tough feelings at the moment which I can completely empathise with. 

    Dealing with mental health can be extremely difficult and exhausting and I can understand why you feel like your life would be stellar without having to battle with depression and anxiety. I'm sure its something a lot of us can relate to so I just want you to know you are not alone with this   <3

    I think its really positive that you're reaching out in different ways and I hope you find The Mix somewhere you can express how you're feeling openly and try and process some of your feelings. 

    You mentioned you dont want to talk about your whole story about mental health, and that's okay. You can share as much or as little as you feel comfortable doing so and we're all here to listen. You also mentioned you have lots of mood swings, is this something you'd like to talk about more? Have you noticed an increase in your mood swings since a particular time or something that might be triggering this?

    It's okay if you don't feel like discussing this, we're all here for you. Try and take one day at a time  :)
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 1,087 Wise Owl
    Welcome :) 

    Sorry what you're going through - of course you want to make your parents proud and look after them. We're all here for you through this, if and when you feel comfortable to talk about your issuesx

    Much love <3
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,219 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hey welcome!!  Im glad this post finally shared for you!

    its always good to talk things through with someone and thats just seeking help not nessically attention. But as evelyn said you can say how much you want! 
    We all have something inside of us and out insticts that wants us to grow and try and improve things and i hope that you keep seeking help on here or else where. I can really hear how hopeless things feel for you at the moment and not feeling better in the future . Sometimes our brains can be pretty powerful but its never impossible to start feeling better. 
    How are you feeling today or hows you week been? We care so feel free to share <3
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