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TW. Self Harming Thoughts x

ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
edited April 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Recently I have had thoughts like I want to make myself sick so I don't have to go to school. Does everyone have this at some stage or should I be more worried? Any tips to make these feelings go away? 
Thankyou!!! 🙂
My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
 "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

AidanLubna

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi
    Hey <3

    I think it depends on what the thoughts are like, and any reasons behind them. I think the occasional weird thought can be fairly normal. But if they're very strong and frequent, or happening because of another issue (for example, not wanting to go to school because you're being bullied, or wanting to harm yourself as a punishment), that may suggest there's something wrong.

    So ultimately, I'd ask if you think you should be worried, or don't feel like yourself? <3
    AidanClaraOswald
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,101 Boards Champion
    Hey

    Sorry to hear about that, how are you feeling? 

    Like @kathleen0172 said do you feel like anything about school in particular is making you want to avoid going? I hope that you can speak to someone at the school like a tutor or school nurse (or if you have one, a mental health team or counsellor) about this and see if there's anything anyone at school can do to help.

    I know that occasional thoughts about skipping school were normal for me, and I'd exaggerate how sick I was if I was ever actually sick and drag it out (not my advice though, it'd would've been more helpful for me had I gotten help for my problems at school instead of avoiding them for short term gain and long term loss), but if you're thinking of harming yourself then you need to make sure you're safe and get some help, you matter <3 

    If you don't know how you'd even bring the conversation up, maybe write a list of things (to help get your thoughts together) and ask around staff in school, or look at a contacts page on their website etc. to see who you should take to specifically.

    Take care of yourself!
    Aidan
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    Kathleen07ClaraOswald
  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
    Hello and thank you so much for the advice @kathleen0172

    You don't have to reply to this.. kind of a mental note. 
    I have always had ups and downs, where I can lie awake worrying about anything and everything and I think this year I have been going down a lot more down than up. I think they are not too frequent but getting worse (twice a week ish) I just see something when I'm upset and I just feel the urge to do something dangerous. 

    This sounds really bad because it isn't like me (I am always the quiet one in class) but when I think about doing it I immagine people being concerned about me afterwards, like I'm doing it for attention? 

    Thanks! (I hope you're not put off me for life 😂)
    My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
     "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

    Kathleen07
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi
    Aww, you're most welcome:) And I'm not put off you lol.

    This sounds really bad because it isn't like me (I am always the quiet one in class) but when I think about doing it I immagine people being concerned about me afterwards, like I'm doing it for attention?
    I don't think it sounds bad at all <3 To be honest, I've had thoughts like that too. For me, I think it may come from feeling lonely and insecure - do you know at all where it comes from for you?

    I have always had ups and downs, where I can lie awake worrying about anything and everything and I think this year I have been going down a lot more down than up. I think they are not too frequent but getting worse (twice a week ish) I just see something when I'm upset and I just feel the urge to do something dangerous.

    Sorry to hear that, we're here to support you if ever you wanna talk <3
  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
    Hello @Aidan

    Some good friends I had are falling out with each other so I am finding it hard to be friends with all of them, and I feel some of them don't like me either and have private chats to push me away so I kind of have found things more difficult this term. It kind of just adds to all the things in my brain, making me not want to go to school as much.

    What would your advice be to first say to a teacher, I am very prone to crying and I've only had them for about 2 months now. 

    Thankyou both for helping me really quickly x
    My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
     "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
    I don't think it sounds bad at all <3 To be honest, I've had thoughts like that too. For me, I think it may come from feeling lonely and insecure - do you know at all where it comes from for you?
    I'm not really sure, I'm a bit insecure too and so people notice me instead of the quiet one in the corner? 
    I think a lot of things have just built up overtime, and it might just be a bit too much and I want people to know I'm not coping?

    Thanks so much x you're really helping me not feel alone 🙂
    My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
     "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

    Kathleen07
  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,959 Extreme Poster
    Hey Clara, 

    sorry to hear of your troubles x

    Its perfectly okay to want people to know how you're feeling and coping, in fact it can be a good first step into exploring your feelings and seeking support :)

    It can be hard to tell someone exactly how you are feeling so you may feel like writing it all down, and getting what you want to say to your teacher first so you don't forget, ask them if you can have a private convo and explain it, that way you can refer from the paper?

    There are various places you can seek support if you would like to try talking online first.

    There is support chat that runs thursdays to sunday on here as well as general chat.
    there is also various things on the get support page as well as other places such as kooth.

    The message boards are also a good place to go and we're always here for you :)

    best wishes! x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille

    "Here's to the ones that we got
    Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not" ~ Maroon 5

    Avatar credit: •Toaster-a• 
    ClaraOswaldAidan
  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
    Here's a list that I made, I think I'm going to try and ask my chemistry or form tutor for help and ask my friend to come with me. 

    Will update you tonight on how it went, but I might get scared and not do it, so not ruining expectations now 😂

    Some things are in code, and don't worry if you can't read my writing 
    My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
     "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

    JordanAidanLaine
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,101 Boards Champion
    Hey Clara,

    It's great that you're seeking some help, and I hope all goes well. <3

    If some problems stem from outside school, it might be worth thinking about seeing a GP and getting a referral to mental health services if that's what you want to do- as well as there being lots of resources for anxiety, self harm etc. online or in places like bookshops that you could work with.

    I had depression whilst in school and college and it was a combination of medication to get out the initial slump, counselling to get me on the right track, and self help resources to help myself faster and build mechanisms, that helped me- but everyone is different.

    Take care!


    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
    Today I went into school and straight away told my school nurse. I got really emotional at that point so it was really easy to just give her the note. She let me calm down and asked about some things i had written down. She said she would have to tell my parents and I was really upset because I didn't want them knowing, and then gave a few tips on how to help. 

    My mom was upset but she took it slowly. She asked if I would have had the urge to self harm if I had not know what it was. I think this was a really good point, and it was really hard to answer. I realised it has influenced me a bit, but the ways I want to do it I don't think I would have thought of a year ago. She asked why I felt the need to self harm but I couldn't tell her because of attention, it felt really bad. 

    Now I still feel confused but happy I told someone, but the question bugs me a bit? Do you think you would have self harmed if you didn't know what it was? I know this is really sensitive so you can just put yes or no. And do you think saying yes is bad? 


    My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
     "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,101 Boards Champion
    Hey Clara,

    It's really positive that you feel happy for telling someone, it can be tough to struggle with something alone and telling people you trust can give you some support. How helpful are you finding the tips the nurse gave you?

    Mind has some resources on self harm and it makes a point:

    Some people have described self-harm as a way to:
    • express something that is hard to put into words
    • turn invisible thoughts or feelings into something visible

    I think it might be better for you to think about and get support about why you feel the urge to self-harm, than it is to think about if you'd do it in a scenario where you didn't know what it was- it won't change the fact that you do know what it is, and there are underlying causes of urges besides just knowing about the concept of self-harm. 

    I just really wanna reiterate how positive it is to tell someone- they say a problem shared is a problem halved, and being able to talk openly about your problems is better for you than manifesting them in more harmful ways.

    Take care <3

    Aidan
      
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
  • LubnaLubna Posts: 496 Budding Regular
    edited May 2019
    Hi 👋

    It depends how you are making yourself be sick because that could be dangerous and then I would say you should see someone. I have an ED and sometimes so I do it too (although not for the same reason).

    [edited by moderator]
  • ClaraOswaldClaraOswald TardisPosts: 144 Boards Initiate
    turn invisible thoughts or feelings into something visible
    I think this is true, and it's really helpful to know other people feel the same way 😀I definitely need to work out why first, and this point is one of them!

    The nurse gave me a good tip of putting an elastic band on your wrist and stretching then flicking it at yourself. She said the short term marks make you feel better and it's a tiny bit painful without damaging the skin. She only talked a little bit but just left me to think and stop crying 😂. 

    @sham I looked up ways online and saw the one with the toothbrush ( I won't say any more as last time my post got edited) 

    thanks again, have a good evening! 
    My feelings are bigger on the inside. People get me wrong.
     "Sometimes the only choices you have are wrong ones but you still have to choose"-Peter Capaldi, 12th Doctor  ❤️

  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,101 Boards Champion
    Hey Clara,

    How are you feeling now? Hope everything is okay, and you can always speak to us.

    Take care!
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
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