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Sick of my home life

I wrote on here before butbhad to take the forms down but i wrote about the time I run away from home around the summer of 2018 for a week because of my mother's mentally and emotionally abusiveness I had enough but then I had to come back home as the council wouldn't help me in finding a place to stay so I turned to my aunty which my parents hate and till this day they haven't let that go she couldn't help me as parents rung her saying she's not allowed to take me in mum mentally fucked her up so she's scared of her but then again who isnti. I run away mostly because of mum's hurtful words telling me how much she hates me and wishes I wasn't her daughter and many more things like this but some worser than others till this point I really think my parents hate me and secondly I left my boyfriend at the time as he raised his hands on me and physically abused me I couldn't tell parent that cause they don't believe a word I say especially about him as his that good boy Christian type....well he was a monster under who would sexually abuse me and physical hit me or choke me because I didn't do what he wanted so I was forced back together with him by my own mum because she feels like I was using him and I don't deserve anything good cause I'm such a shitty person like my mum says but after that more and more shit happened and I just left home to which my mum told my whole family how horrible I am for doing this which ended up in my cousin messaging me passive aggressive threats saying I'm gonna end up homeless and no one will want me. after a week I had no choice but to come back everything was fine until mum got in my face and said more hurtful things about how much she hates me and knew I couldn't survive on my own how my depression and mental illness I'm faking for attention (I have really bad depression, anxiety and boredline persomality disorder plus I'm bi polar in some sense so you can guess it's really hard for me to express myself)

So that was last year I thought things have gotten better I've met a new guy once college started and decided to give him a go in a relationship sense I've been together with him for about 4 months now his friend is moving out with her boyfriend and suggested for us to move in with them to a 2 bed house or flat. In few months time around September. My boyfriend is a lot older than me and has a stable job earning him close to 1K each month lowest he's gotten was £800 and so do his friends have good paying jobs I'm the only one without a job as my parents work a lot and I'm going to college and then looking after the kids cleaning the house and doing everything else so I don't have space to fit in a job. Once I move out tho I will be looking for a job.

Yearsday morming mum said she's planning to sleep back on the sofa so all the kids can have their own rooms (we moved houses for this reason as we didn't have enough space before but now we do from a 2 bed to a 3 bed house) so as bad as this sounds I thought it was a perfect time to talk with mum about me moving out. I told mum that I don't want her sleeping on the sofa and find it unfair for her to leave her room so all of us have each of our own rooms. I told her I'm planning to move out with my boyfriend after summer time to a house share with his friends  that I know before i could explain more she gets upset and angry (I understand this part) but then mum says who will look after the kids? Your just gonna leave me to do everything ?she gets quiet angry I try to explain that I will still help her but I just want to focus on my course and live a life like an adult I'm nearly 18 I'm currently 17 and she says you made your choice and goes out of the door slamming it shut. At this point I had a massive breakdown crying in the kitchen cause I know I've upset her a lot so I get everything done before I go to college and I give mum a ring around lunch time to apologise for how it turned out the phone call was fine I asked of she could start paying me for looking after the kids as I can't get a job due to them etc etc she says it's all fine we'll talk about it when I get home. I come back home and mum goes you know what I don't see why I have to pay you you blame everyone else for your problems when in reality the reason why you can't get a job is due to you being a student ( my day is like this get up at 7 get kids ready make sure house is clean make sure dogs are fed get the kids to school for 8 then get to college for 9 then either have college till 1pm pick up the kids of 4:30 and pick up the kids from mum's friend unless I have to take the day off college for them and then cook dinner for them read a book with my brother make sure the house is all clean and wait till parents get back which is usually between 7pm-9pm you can clearly see why I can't fit a job into my lifestyle) she gets angry about it saying how I have no respect for her then she goes on about how useless I am so she doesn't even need me to help her around the house she can do it herself etc how that week when I run away she was perfectly fine with the kids etc this went on for few hours with mum just saying hurtful things to me I'm a super sensitive person so you raise your voice at me and I will break down in tears I can't stop it. But she said at this point she doesn't give a crap and I WILL move out (she's bascually kicking me out) once we find a place but she gave me her "blessing" to move out idk what that suppose to mean.

That night I over heard mum moaning to dad about me how much she hates me etc etc the next day (today) I took my brother to school and went over to my boyfriend's house as mum had the day off and I didn't feel like being shouted at so I was at his since 9 this morning till 7pm but at 6pm mum ring me saying where are you I said at X house I told you I have today off from college she said thanks for letting me know when your gonna be back home I tried explaining that she didn't ask me what time I was gonna be back home and then she just Hungs up so once that happened an hour later I leave his house and walk to mine everything was fine once I came home till I didn't take my shoes off mum was busy doing some kind of work on her computer so I didn't wanna disturb her I went upstairs and I heard mum shouting my name I came downstairs and thats where it started again she said how dare I be so disrespectful and don't even say hello to them I explained that I didn't wanna disturb her but she went on and on about it then she said if you don't lfollow our rules here then you can pack your bags and get the fuck out of the house I said nothing and went upstairs I had mum shouting at me again saying how dare I not aplogise to her I explained every single time I say sorry you say it's not enough she gets in my face and says I'm sick of your attitude at this point I just wanted to get my bags and leave but I really have no where to go so I'm kinda fucked if I have to be honest....

I really don't know what to do the only place I can really move to is my boyfriends but idk how his step mum will react to it I would pay rent and such but I just don't know what to do it's an on going war that can not be won by me my parents hate me they say they don't need me so what am I still doing here I'm thinking about just packing my stuff and moving out to my boyfriend until we find a place which should be before summer time but this is the tricly question I'm 17 to be 18 in August so I still have around 7 months till my birthday however my parents kind of gave me permission to move out so idk if I should or not....I wouldn't wanna do anything stupid but being in this house really does my mental state a nut in....



  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey there, 

    I'm really sorry about everything... No one should be treated like that:( And I sympathise that you struggle with mental issues. Sending a warm hug xo 

    I think if you can, moving in with your boyfriend would be a good idea. It's no surprise that living with your parents is terrible for you. If you're too worried about how his stepmum would react, could you move in to a house share or anything just until you can find somewhere? Though I think your boyfriend's is probably the best for now and I really hope his stepmum would understand. 

    We're here to support you, don't give up <3 
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie

    I just don't understand why i'm being treated like this I understand parents get upset or angry when their child plans to move out but this is over-board! I did shit things in the past towards my parents but I was just a kid not thinking (complaining to all my friends about how crap my life is and how I hate living in the house and such)

    I talked with my boyfriend today about it and I said if nothing changes for few weeks and if mum keeps telling me to pack my bags and go I will and won't come back as much as I love my parents I feel like im not welcome there and like they hate me... House share or any accommodations are impossible at this moment as I already tried last time when I made a runner and no charity or council helped me so it was either come back home or stay on the streets which wasn't an option for me.

    Tonight my boyfriend said he'll speak with his step-mum about this so maybe some good will come out of it.

    Thank you I appreciate the help even if its a simple message :) 

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited January 2019
    Yeah, it's not fair :pensive: It's not your fault is what I can say; it's all them.

    That sounds good, and I hope your boyfriend's talk with his step-mum goes well. Keep us updated (if you want to). I'm wishing you the best luck with everything x

    You're very welcome, and how are you feeling today? :)
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 487 Moderator
    It sounds like you have the beginnings of a plan formed, so that's good. If it's not possible to move in with your boyfriend, there are other options for you too. Finding a flat share is a possibility, or even a local women's shelter for victims of abuse. Try searching Google for women's organisations in your area.

    Please feel free to keep us updated, and best of luck :)
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie
    I'm so sorry I didn't reply any time sooner i May be 17 but parents still have control over my phone so I don't check Themix as often as I should but my boyfriends step mum wasn't too happy about his idea of me moving in even for few months and thrown a fit about it so that's a no no however yearsday I had yet another arguement with mum and I went out of the house to my boyfriend's to calm down and she said she doesn't wanna see me back at the house to just fuck off from her life well an hour later she send me a message to be back at 10 today to which I was and I'm just getting ignored I told mum how I feel about this all yet all I'm getting is silence and a death stare so after thinking and thinking I'm gonna pack my stuff and move out... I may not have my boyfriends to live at but the girl we're moving in with offered me a space at hers if it's needed so I think I'll take that up this whole thing is just getting tiring I don't understand what I've done wrong I just want to live my own life yet I'm getting called selfish for it...
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    It's perfectly fine that you didn't respond right away, take as much as time as needed.

    Oh, it's a great shame his stepmum didn't take it well:( I'm really glad to hear that girl has offered you a space at hers, at least there's somewhere you could go.

    I understand it's tiring. I think you must be pretty strong (hope that didn't sound patronising!), idk how I'd cope being treated that way. Really sympathise x
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie
    I don't understand why his step mum didn't allow it but it's no big problem but I'm glad I've got a place and my boyfriend will pay rent for me until I can get a job which will be as soon as I can so I can start saving up for the house share as well. 

    I wouldn't class myself as strong I'm really hurt by all of this I just don't understand what my mum means by I've changed since I've met my boyfriend , I'm disrespectful for doing this (moving out) and selfish I don't see how it is. Yearsday she said more and more stuff to me before I went out things like I'm the biggest disappointment to her ever because she knows I'll fail college won't get into university and will fail at life I've told her that I will proof her wrong yet all I got was don't be stupid you'll fail. 

    Are parents meant to react like this when a child of theirs plans to leave the house?

    I need advice as well I've started packing myself today as my boyfriends parents are going away for 2 weeks this Sunday (not this sunday the next one) I was palnning to stay round his for the 2 weeks and slowly move my stuff from mine to his this week then from his to his friends house and the day before his parents come back I'm gonna start living at his friends house for however long it will be but I'm planning to get out of the house Wednesday the 30th although I'm planning to tell mum this Wednesday that I will be moving out next Wednesday so that gives her a week to find someone to look after the kids and such plus it isn't too late notice and I just need Advice on how to tell her as I know either way it will go bad but if I stay in this house things won't get better plus she told me she doesn't care when I move out I can move out now for all she cares but I know she will throw a hissy fit about it like she did yearsday....
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I think about telling her, could you maybe leave a note for her to see, like before you go out one day or something? I know that won't stop her bad reaction, but if it's any easier for you to at least not have to break the news to her in person maybe you could do something like that? If not, I guess the best thing you can do is just approach her politely and say something short like, "sorry to drop this on you, but I'm moving out in a week, if you need to find someone else to watch the kids". If she just attacks you and throws a fit about it, I guess stand your ground and walk away if you can.

    I'm sorry that's not great advice, I really hope it doesn't go far too badly when you tell her. xo
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie
    Leaving her a note will result in her bombarding me with phone calls and screaming in rage so I rather tell her Wednesday day and I'll see how it goes...
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie
    So I've told her Monday but that resulted in her saying she will call the police on me if I leave but now all the plans are fucked anyways cause my friend turn around and said she can't take me in because it will effect her mental health and she won't be moving out either so I'm fucked like proper fucked I'm sorry for my language but I don't know what to do anymore! After maths today I'm gonna give the local foyer a ring and see if I can get a place there for at least a year or longer 
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,435 Part of The Furniture
    hey wolf, 

    sorry to hear about what's been going on for you, sending hugs

    it could be worth having a look at Shelter's website to see if they can offer you any support? 


    Also... maybe speaking to your local council about emergency accommodation, your not alone in this. 

    Keep talking to us if it's helping :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie
    I already tried all of these and for some reason they won't help me... I've spoken to my college welfare about home but kind of lied about few things cause I was scared...such as I said no to physical abuse at home but tomorrow when I'm back at college I'll go to the lady that I've spoke with and see if she can get me into a foyer as she knows how hard my home life is 
  • wolf10wolf10 Posts: 8 Newbie
    Quick question though this will be when I turn 18 but would it be a good idea if me and my boyfriend went to the council and tried to find accomodation in the council housing or would private renting be a better option? 
  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruPosts: 372 Moderator
    Sorry to hear how you have been treated at home and you weren't able to move in with your boyfriend. Were you able to talk to someone at college and see if you can get into a foyer?

    As for when you are 18, it depends on your personal circumstances. Council housing is an option and can be easier if you are unable to afford to rent privately. However, there can often be long waiting lists. Renting privately may be quicker if you can afford it but can be more complicated. You may want to check out our article on Finding a place to rent for more information on this option. You can also check out our article on help with your rent for advice on housing benefit to help pay rent. 

    Keep us updated with things!
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