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What do you do when you feel like your feelings aren't being respected?

peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
Hey everyone :)

In the context of a romantic relationship, sometimes, what appears to be a "perfect couple" has their own issues - in my opinion, there's no such thing as a perfect couple. Problems are inevitable, and that's completely normal and fine! What is important is how you react to these issues, I think.

For example, if one person (A) in a couple likes to make jokes a lot, including those about the other person (B) who has anxiety, do you think it is fair when B expresses how it's making them feel unhappy and insecure that A brushes off their feelings? I don't feel like this okay at all, but if the couple is otherwise very happy, and love each other dearly, what would you do?

What would you do in similar situations with other relationships (e.g. friends and family, etc.)?

Interested in hearing your thoughts as always :)

-peachysoo

Comments

  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Two little ducks
    Hey @peachysoo :wave:

    ​I agree that couples can't be absolutely perfect all of the time, and something comes up even in the best relationships. I think that because there is so much pressure to be 'perfect' a lot of people do actually brush off feelings or issues because they don't want to make a big deal or cause an argument. This may seem ok in the moment but over time, if things are brushed off, it can build up and become a really big problem. For example, in the end, person B's mental health and self-worth can suffer. Overall, making them unhappy and their relationships can break down.

    ​So I think this should be avoided and at all times, you should express how you feel and the other person should listen. I'm a bit of a talker myself, can you tell?
    But communication is key! How does the other person know you are feeling? Or like the example above, how do they know their jokes are hurting your feelings? Sometimes, we can be oblivious and thoughtless when we make jokes and I definitely think a friend/partner/family member should be called out on something like this. Making sure that they know feelings have been hurt can ensure that it doesn't happen again in the future. And this is with all issues, if the other person is brushing you off, they may be worried about causing an argument. And hey, that's ok. But then you can politely tell them that you are actually hurt and you want to talk about it, even if they needed space and this was at a later time....Then all could be hopefully solved.

    ​And if they continued to brush you off, again, it would go back to what I said before and end up becoming a bigger deal over time an question if they cared about how you were feeling.

    ​But those are just a few of my thoughts, what does everyone else think?!

    -PositiveAura:rainbow2:
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Before any start of a relationship, people should have made the other aware they have anxiety. Not only is communication vital, but trust must be priority before either agree to start a relationship. For me, 100% trust and 100% love is the key, the foundation of the two I expect a relationship to be based. Understanding, sensitivity - these also are paramount from the outset. Unsure of the other person? Don't embark!

    You love your boyfriend or girlfriend enough, such unfair insensitivity would be unthinkable.
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • FranFran Posts: 118 The Mix convert
    Hey peachysoo :wave:

    I agree with you all!!
    There is no perfect couple, as each one has its own defects, insecurities and faces difficulties. It's said that feeling like having to pretend to be perfect prevent people from living some experiences or can cause some tension between the two members of the couple. I think it depends a little bit on the society we live in, which always give us images of perfect couple that become sort of role model and can cause a sense of inadequacy in common people.
    We all should learn how to be more aware of who we are and what we have and enjoy it, as it guarantees a greater sense of serendipity.

    In a couple communication is everything. When a couple is formed, it would be good to have some kind of "contract" thanks to which each one expresses his or her needs and worries, in order to give the other the possibility to know the consequences of possible future actions.
    Communication is essential in every kind of relationship: members of a family, a team work, a group of friend or a love couple should all pay respect to the others, behaving and talking in a way that prevent the others to feel at unease.

    - Fran
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
    Hey @peachysoo :wave:

    ​I agree that couples can't be absolutely perfect all of the time, and something comes up even in the best relationships. I think that because there is so much pressure to be 'perfect' a lot of people do actually brush off feelings or issues because they don't want to make a big deal or cause an argument. This may seem ok in the moment but over time, if things are brushed off, it can build up and become a really big problem. For example, in the end, person B's mental health and self-worth can suffer. Overall, making them unhappy and their relationships can break down.

    ​So I think this should be avoided and at all times, you should express how you feel and the other person should listen. I'm a bit of a talker myself, can you tell?
    But communication is key! How does the other person know you are feeling? Or like the example above, how do they know their jokes are hurting your feelings? Sometimes, we can be oblivious and thoughtless when we make jokes and I definitely think a friend/partner/family member should be called out on something like this. Making sure that they know feelings have been hurt can ensure that it doesn't happen again in the future. And this is with all issues, if the other person is brushing you off, they may be worried about causing an argument. And hey, that's ok. But then you can politely tell them that you are actually hurt and you want to talk about it, even if they needed space and this was at a later time....Then all could be hopefully solved.

    ​And if they continued to brush you off, again, it would go back to what I said before and end up becoming a bigger deal over time an question if they cared about how you were feeling.

    ​But those are just a few of my thoughts, what does everyone else think?!

    -PositiveAura:rainbow2:


    Hey PositiveAura! Sorry for the late replies >_<

    I completely agree - communication is so important. I think what's even more important is that the communication is effective! If only one person is putting in the effort to communicate, but the other isn't for whatever reason (perhaps they might just want to avoid confrontation, or don't feel ready yet, for example), then perhaps this could be even more detrimental because person A, who wants to tell person B about how they feel, may feel as though their feelings don't matter to person B, to give one example of maybe an endless number of possibilities!

    In this case, I feel like it's just as important for person B to express why they don't really want to communicate at this time, because leaving person A in the dark about it is cruel, I think, because they don't know what person B is thinking and they might be imagining the worst. We're human - we can't read minds!

    (Maybe this is a bit off-topic, but it reminds me of a quote I read somewhere: "Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most love is lost")
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
    Mirabelle wrote: »
    Before any start of a relationship, people should have made the other aware they have anxiety. Not only is communication vital, but trust must be priority before either agree to start a relationship. For me, 100% trust and 100% love is the key, the foundation of the two I expect a relationship to be based. Understanding, sensitivity - these also are paramount from the outset. Unsure of the other person? Don't embark!

    You love your boyfriend or girlfriend enough, such unfair insensitivity would be unthinkable.


    Hey Mirabelle,

    I completely agree! It's really important the other partner should be aware of any struggles with mental health, otherwise it's unfair to expect them to be wholly understanding in the worst scenarios.

    However, what are your thoughts if partner B already knows about partner A's anxiety? Do you think anything could be done to fix the situation?

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 The Mix convert
    Fran wrote: »
    Hey peachysoo :wave:

    I agree with you all!!
    There is no perfect couple, as each one has its own defects, insecurities and faces difficulties. It's said that feeling like having to pretend to be perfect prevent people from living some experiences or can cause some tension between the two members of the couple. I think it depends a little bit on the society we live in, which always give us images of perfect couple that become sort of role model and can cause a sense of inadequacy in common people.
    We all should learn how to be more aware of who we are and what we have and enjoy it, as it guarantees a greater sense of serendipity.

    In a couple communication is everything. When a couple is formed, it would be good to have some kind of "contract" thanks to which each one expresses his or her needs and worries, in order to give the other the possibility to know the consequences of possible future actions.
    Communication is essential in every kind of relationship: members of a family, a team work, a group of friend or a love couple should all pay respect to the others, behaving and talking in a way that prevent the others to feel at unease.

    - Fran
    Hey Fran,

    Yes! I wholly and fully agree; I can't think of much else I can say! :')

    -peachysoo
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 512 Extreme Poster
    Hi peachysoo,

    Any successful relationship is based on a clear, open line of communication. If your partner is doing something that is making you uncomfortable or hurting you, you need to let them know. A good partner would respect this - otherwise, one would need to reassess the relationship and its futurex

    Much love <3
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    peachysoo wrote: »


    Hey Mirabelle,

    I completely agree! It's really important the other partner should be aware of any struggles with mental health, otherwise it's unfair to expect them to be wholly understanding in the worst scenarios.

    However, what are your thoughts if partner B already knows about partner A's anxiety? Do you think anything could be done to fix the situation?

    -peachysoo

    If I was in that situation, then seeking help from a close friend or taking advice from my guardian would be my best guidance.
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
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