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How do you react to your partner being jealous?

peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
Hey all :)
Jealousy is a natural emotion, but sometimes it can be quite nasty, and might make some relationships unhealthy.
How do you all react to your own, and your partner's, jealousy?

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,399 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    hey,
    i think some people are flatter when their partner is jealous & they think about how much they must care, but sometimes probably not the healthiest thing and think would be good to speak to partner about why they may feel jealous, if it is something theyre doing or is just cause they have their own fears and insecurities. and maybe they could reassure they have nothing to be jealous about. Or the person who is jealous may just react by thinking & asking themselves everytime - why are they jealous and should rationalise it.
    But think speakinng about it would be good reaction, even maybe sometimes if in a jokey way so doesnt seem like some massive over reaction. cause sometimes jealous can get into a over reaction of being very controlling like not trusting them enough so isolating them from everyone.
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi @peachysoo,

    Jealous is an interesting topic. I've experienced it differently with each relationship I've had. My first long-term relationship was with an extremely jealous, controlling guy who I kept making excuses for because his previous gf had cheated on him. But he never learned to deal with it in the right way and would still try to control me after nearly 4 years together. In the end I realised that the way he projected his insecurities on me wasn't ok and I wasn't happy being in a relationship like that, so we broke up - definitely the right decision.

    My next relationship was pretty much the opposite. He was so kind and respectful, it was really what I needed after such a volatile first relationship. We had a really good, healthy relationship and connected like I've never connected with anyone before - but I slowly realised that something was missing. Weird as it sounds, it was jealousy. I realised I didn't feel any jealousy at all of him when he got close to other girls and eventually I realised the reason was because my feelings towards him were more platonic and emotion-based, rather than romantic, so I took the difficult decision to end the relationship.

    A year later I got into a new relationship and now for the first time ever I feel jealous of my partner - jealous of his close female friends and generally when he gets attention from other girls. Personally, I think having feelings of jealousy like these is healthy because it shows how much you care, and that you find you find your partner hot and recognise others do too. But in terms of reacting in a healthy way to the feelings, I'm still working on it! My natural reaction is to withdraw from him and wallow in feelings of insecurity / worry he might realise he could do better than me, but I want to have more confidence in myself and react in a more healthy way so whenever I feel jealous I try to focus on my strengths and tell myself it's me he wants to be with because I have the qualities he likes. I try to flirt with him like we did when we first got together instead of pull away, and he responds really well to that. I think as long as you are aware what you're feeling and react to that in the right way, jealousy can be a really good thing in a relationship. It's a really normal feeling after all - I realise that especially after having a relationship without it :)

    (sorry for the essay haha! Just thought I'd share...;)
  • DreaDrea The Mix Posts: 292 Budding Regular
    Hey peachysoo,

    I think that it is important to communicate with your partner and figure out why either of you may be jealous. It depends on the person and the extent of the jealousy, however I think if it's a small bit of jealousy sometimes it can be cute because it does show the person that they care. However, in other instances, it can be very draining because if it is to do with trust issues, then the relationship is likely to fail. Regardless, it is always important to communicate and talk to each other about what makes you uncomfortable and discuss why jealousy is a problem within the relationship.

    Drea:heart:
  • RileyRiley Posts: 822 Super Moderator
    Hi peachysoo.

    As you said jealousy is a very natural emotion that can crop up for all manner of reasons so I think what's most important is communicating how you're feeling with your partner. What's more difficult in my view is reacting to a partner's jealousy yourself because it can take a lot of different forms. It's important to be understanding and listen to what they're feeling but if it's a constant occurrence or they blow things out of proportion it might be worth having a more in-depth discussion about how they're feeling and why. As with most things that can crop up in a relationship there's no universal solution you pretty much just have to take things as they come :lol:

    - Riley
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Boards Initiate
    Hey @peachysoo,

    Jealousy is an ambivalent feeling, because it can be both helpful and damaging depending on the situations and the extent.
    A little bit of jealousy is normal, as it can be seen as a proof of care and affect towards your partner. What matters is being able to consider the reaction it produces on our partner. If he or she is someone who needs to be "free", jealousy could be seen as a form of control. This is why I find it hard to have a preconceived opinion about this strange feeling, as it changes from a situation to another, from a couple to another.

    As long as it's about me, I can stand just a little bit of jealousy, otherwise I would feel like my partner is invading my space and controlling me. But this is just my experience and my feeling about it, depending on my personality and my needs. I think it's different for everyone. What matters is being able to find a compromise in every couple in order to keep the natural jealousy sane and not to make it become suffocating.

    - Fran
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Shaunie wrote: »
    hey,
    i think some people are flatter when their partner is jealous & they think about how much they must care, but sometimes probably not the healthiest thing and think would be good to speak to partner about why they may feel jealous, if it is something theyre doing or is just cause they have their own fears and insecurities. and maybe they could reassure they have nothing to be jealous about. Or the person who is jealous may just react by thinking & asking themselves everytime - why are they jealous and should rationalise it.
    But think speakinng about it would be good reaction, even maybe sometimes if in a jokey way so doesnt seem like some massive over reaction. cause sometimes jealous can get into a over reaction of being very controlling like not trusting them enough so isolating them from everyone.
    Hey Shaunie,
    Yes, I completely agree! It's completely possible for some people to feel flattered and loved by their partner's jealousy, but it's very important to try understand why they may feel this way, and how to deal with the situation. Communication would definitely be really important here, though it can definitely be quite daunting to try bring up any issues :(
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Hi @peachysoo,

    Jealous is an interesting topic. I've experienced it differently with each relationship I've had. My first long-term relationship was with an extremely jealous, controlling guy who I kept making excuses for because his previous gf had cheated on him. But he never learned to deal with it in the right way and would still try to control me after nearly 4 years together. In the end I realised that the way he projected his insecurities on me wasn't ok and I wasn't happy being in a relationship like that, so we broke up - definitely the right decision.

    My next relationship was pretty much the opposite. He was so kind and respectful, it was really what I needed after such a volatile first relationship. We had a really good, healthy relationship and connected like I've never connected with anyone before - but I slowly realised that something was missing. Weird as it sounds, it was jealousy. I realised I didn't feel any jealousy at all of him when he got close to other girls and eventually I realised the reason was because my feelings towards him were more platonic and emotion-based, rather than romantic, so I took the difficult decision to end the relationship.

    A year later I got into a new relationship and now for the first time ever I feel jealous of my partner - jealous of his close female friends and generally when he gets attention from other girls. Personally, I think having feelings of jealousy like these is healthy because it shows how much you care, and that you find you find your partner hot and recognise others do too. But in terms of reacting in a healthy way to the feelings, I'm still working on it! My natural reaction is to withdraw from him and wallow in feelings of insecurity / worry he might realise he could do better than me, but I want to have more confidence in myself and react in a more healthy way so whenever I feel jealous I try to focus on my strengths and tell myself it's me he wants to be with because I have the qualities he likes. I try to flirt with him like we did when we first got together instead of pull away, and he responds really well to that. I think as long as you are aware what you're feeling and react to that in the right way, jealousy can be a really good thing in a relationship. It's a really normal feeling after all - I realise that especially after having a relationship without it :)

    (sorry for the essay haha! Just thought I'd share...;)
    Hi Candlestick!

    Not at all! I'm really flattered you shared because it was really interesting to read :)

    I'm sorry to hear about your first long-term relationship, it mustn't have been too nice for you. But I'm really glad and happy for you that you realised your feelings and dealt with the situation in such a mature way; it mustn't have been easy to bring up for sure, so well done!

    It's great to hear you met someone so lovely, though I suppose it must have been a shame to realise that the feelings weren't necessarily romantic. That said, I'm sure the memories and experiences must have been great, and, if you've both decided to stay in touch, you have another person to call a friend at the end.

    I completely understand your take on jealousy, and it's really admirable for you to want to work on your confidence, because it's definitely always important to love and be proud of ourselves! Yes, it's really quite easy to forget how normal the feeling is as well!

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Drea wrote: »
    Hey peachysoo,

    I think that it is important to communicate with your partner and figure out why either of you may be jealous. It depends on the person and the extent of the jealousy, however I think if it's a small bit of jealousy sometimes it can be cute because it does show the person that they care. However, in other instances, it can be very draining because if it is to do with trust issues, then the relationship is likely to fail. Regardless, it is always important to communicate and talk to each other about what makes you uncomfortable and discuss why jealousy is a problem within the relationship.

    Drea:heart:
    Hey Drea,

    Completely agree, communication is key! It's the only way to fully move forward and properly let go of any tensions, in my opinion, and it's much healthier than bottling emotions within yourself, because, when it inevitably all comes out, it would be so much worse than if past feelings haven't been kept quiet. Jealousy is for sure normal, but I agree, how you react to it is perhaps the most important factor!

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Riley wrote: »
    Hi peachysoo.

    As you said jealousy is a very natural emotion that can crop up for all manner of reasons so I think what's most important is communicating how you're feeling with your partner. What's more difficult in my view is reacting to a partner's jealousy yourself because it can take a lot of different forms. It's important to be understanding and listen to what they're feeling but if it's a constant occurrence or they blow things out of proportion it might be worth having a more in-depth discussion about how they're feeling and why. As with most things that can crop up in a relationship there's no universal solution you pretty much just have to take things as they come :lol:

    - Riley
    Hi Riley,

    It's really interesting how you said that jealousy can take a lot of forms, because I completely forgot about that! I agree completely with that, and with that, sometimes, the only way to deal with situations is to take them as they come.

    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Fran wrote: »
    Hey @peachysoo,

    Jealousy is an ambivalent feeling, because it can be both helpful and damaging depending on the situations and the extent.
    A little bit of jealousy is normal, as it can be seen as a proof of care and affect towards your partner. What matters is being able to consider the reaction it produces on our partner. If he or she is someone who needs to be "free", jealousy could be seen as a form of control. This is why I find it hard to have a preconceived opinion about this strange feeling, as it changes from a situation to another, from a couple to another.

    As long as it's about me, I can stand just a little bit of jealousy, otherwise I would feel like my partner is invading my space and controlling me. But this is just my experience and my feeling about it, depending on my personality and my needs. I think it's different for everyone. What matters is being able to find a compromise in every couple in order to keep the natural jealousy sane and not to make it become suffocating.

    - Fran
    Hey Fran,

    Yes! Jealousy is definitely dependent on the couple and their situation, it's not really possible to generalise it all as the same for everyone. Effective communication and compromises are what keeps the feeling from getting unhealthy!

    -peachysoo
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Settling in
    Hey @peachysoo and everyone else!

    ​I agree with a lot of what you are all saying, and I think you have covered most aspects of jealousy in a relationship. It is definitely dependant on the couple and situation.

    ​A little jealousy can show how much you love and want the other person, but if this get out of control it can cause problems. ​I think that as long as you communicate and are open about your thoughts and feelings of jealousy, it isn't an issue. If you trust your partner and they trust you, jealousy never really gets in the way. In my relationships in the past, jealousy has only been an issue if trust was an issue.

    ​If you both have trust and good communication, then if jealousy pops up, it is easier to work through and tends not to be a problem. My partner and I tend to joke about it nowadays, but it's taken a lot to get here. A lot of jealousy stems from insecurities and so you have to work on yourself and realise how great you are before you can build trust with someone. Knowing that you partner loves you, that you love them and you both want to be together is the main thing. Once you truly believe this, then other people tend not to become an issue in the relationship.

    ​And remember...don't compare yourself to others and remind yourself how amazing you are every single day! :)

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Hey @peachysoo and everyone else!

    ​I agree with a lot of what you are all saying, and I think you have covered most aspects of jealousy in a relationship. It is definitely dependant on the couple and situation.

    ​A little jealousy can show how much you love and want the other person, but if this get out of control it can cause problems. ​I think that as long as you communicate and are open about your thoughts and feelings of jealousy, it isn't an issue. If you trust your partner and they trust you, jealousy never really gets in the way. In my relationships in the past, jealousy has only been an issue if trust was an issue.

    ​If you both have trust and good communication, then if jealousy pops up, it is easier to work through and tends not to be a problem. My partner and I tend to joke about it nowadays, but it's taken a lot to get here. A lot of jealousy stems from insecurities and so you have to work on yourself and realise how great you are before you can build trust with someone. Knowing that you partner loves you, that you love them and you both want to be together is the main thing. Once you truly believe this, then other people tend not to become an issue in the relationship.

    ​And remember...don't compare yourself to others and remind yourself how amazing you are every single day! :)

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:


    Hey Fran,

    Completely LOVE this response, especially the last sentence on self-love. Once we learn to be more accepting with ourselves, I think it shows in our relationships with others, and how we view and respond to jealousy. Again, I think I am out of words to respond with, because I fully agree!

    -peachysoo
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