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Sexting (messages only) with a 16 year old - illegal?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys. Not sure if this is the right place to post this but would appreciate a little advice.

So a few weeks ago I met this girl on a chat site and we seemed to hit it off so we continued chatting on a private chat site. As per the original chat site, it said her age was 18, however after talking for a few hours she told me she was actually16 (based in the USA and I'm based in the UK) and not actually 18 (I'm 28 by the way).

To be honest, we clicked really well, had a lot in common and were on the same wavelength on whatever we discussed and so it never really felt like there was this huge age gap between us. To start with, our chat was just discussing religion, politics, world in general but eventually, she started flirting with me and I started flirting a bit back but was keeping things fairly PG.

After a few weeks comprising of some serious personal life discussions, we got really close and we've fallen for each other (despite the distance) and now can barely go by without talking to each other every day. I have been trying to keep our talks fairly PG but she's really into sexting (just messages, no pictures or videos). So she likes to send detailed messages of what she would like to do to me and want me to text the same to her. Yes we have also talked about meeting up in person, which would include potentially having sex if we met up here in the UK where the age of consent is 16.

Doing a quick search, it seemed like messages alone were legal but I'm not so sure and just wanted to get some advice on this. I am more than happy to have PG conversations till she turns 18 (though i'm not sure how she would take it but if this was illegal im sure i can make her understand).

I know the age gap seems rather large but I genuinely love this girl and have absolutely no intentions of pressurising her into anything. Neither did I Start flirting or the dirty talk, although I have reciprocated each time. I just didn't want her to feel pressurised given my age and the fact that we met online.

So, is it illegal to have the dirty talk with her or not?

Thanks in advance!


  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruPosts: 357 Moderator
    I don't know if the fact that the girl in question is in the USA makes a difference, but here in the UK, sexual messages with anyone under the age of 18 could be illegal. You may want to check out our article here http://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/your-rights/age-of-consent-9106.html
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys and yep Mirabelle I think I had that coming. Going to back off for 2 years then!
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,337 Master Poster
    I'm not sure on the legal side of things - I think if the police are informed of these types of messages with anyone under the age of 18 it would be considered illegal. However, your relationship in itself probably isn't - there is no 'legal age gap'.

    BTW you really seem like a lovely person who has her best interests at heart😊😊😊
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 7,337 Master Poster
    That being said though I'm probably not the best person to be giving you advice on this, only being 15 myself :)
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 1,120 Wise Owl
    Hi JD89,

    In the UK, it would be legal. But for something like an online relationship, it needs to be legal in both countries/states for it to be legal. It may not be legal in the state she's in. Personally, I don't think anything's wrong about an age gap - people will love regardless of age, just make sure it's legal!x

    Much love <3
  • LaineLaine Fruit loop Gone for gooPosts: 2,767 Account Deactivated
    Hiya :)

    After a quick dig around I can conclude that sexting is illegal for Americans under the age of 18. And, depending on what state she currently resides in, the consequences can vary.

    I would defo refrain from sending any form of nude photographs, videos, or getting particularly detailed/graphic until she turns 18 especially as the law takes this stuff very seriously.

    There is no denying that relationships with age gaps can work but often times ones with rather big age gaps can get complicated.

    If you wait until she is 18 then you will both be at legal age and can do what you wish but until then I would be wary of any laws and take it slow and respect her.

    Happy Galloping! :rainbow2:

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

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    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

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