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No judgement please

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, getting advice from helplines will make it easier. However, be aware that Samaritans don't give advice - they are a listening service. Victim Support will be familiar with the process and will give you good advice.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much Drea. It's means a lot.
    The sun does always lift my mood:)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you booked an appointment to go to the hospital to have the pain and bleeding investigated?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    I missed my appiontment yesterday because I was being sick andpassing out because I was in so much pain, (not this reason) I was going to make a new appointment today and they have just rang me but ive just came out of therapy feeling worse before going. Things where said that hurt me. Now i feel like no one understands. And feel like someone just drained all the life out of me and just want to hid in bed and not speak to anyone or even seek support now. I couldn't give a shit out my health or myself to even care. Or have the energy to care. I'm so upset:'(

    What he said was basically im attention seeking and that im just seeking care and support I never got from my parents. Then he Could see that I was getting angry. And then said "but there is a difference between seeking support and seeking attention" "and youre serking support" . Didnt sound like you was just saying that.

    Now i feel like if i seek support, I'm just seeking attention. I hate people trying rack through my brain who barely know me because they make me believe it. So i probably wont even be seeking support on here in case it's classed as attention seeking behaviour. I'd rather not have support then for my problems to be minimised into nothing. And to be judged for bettering my self. Like he's lived my life and know what im thinking just cause he's a therapist.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are some bad people in every job - even if they're experienced and well-qualified. Don't let one bad therapist put you off getting the help you need. You can ask to be assigned a new therapist. In any case, he's nothing to do with the police or the treatment for the pain and bleeding that you're suffering. You're seriously ill and are entitled to help. If you ask for a new appointment and explain the situation, you'll be able to get the problem investigated. It will get worse of you don't.

    If you take someone who is supportive to you with you to the hospital and police station, you'll find it easier. It might be better to write down what you want to say before you go, so you can read from it when you get there - that way you won't forget anything.

    I saw an awful counsellor who spent most of the session complaining about her own problems, despite me never asking. She was meant to be helping me with my problems, but she didn't even listen to me. That doesn't reflect on her profession, just her.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,885 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie,

    It's ok to look for support and care when you aren't feeling well - mentally or physically. I think this is what your therapist was trying to say rather than calling you attention seeking. Your problems are important and you matter. Can you book a new appointment now you're feeling better?

    Hope you're feeling better today, thinking of you x
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much Jelly and Robert.
    I seriously can't be bothered with my physcal and mental health.I'm just so weak and pathetic. All i want is just to report it now. And if i can't, the only option is to get back in contact with him so he does it to me and not someone else.

    I feel so unsafe right now. I feel like someone is constantly stabbing me and putting me down. But it's just myself. I had a good day with a friend but i still feel so suicidal. Someone's just came with a needle and taken all my life out of me. (Obviously metaphorically) I'm so sad and stuck
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Having the injury treated will help make it more likely that the police will be able to prosecute him. It will likely provide more evidence against him. You can go to the police first, but you need to stay alive in order to go to a court case - should there be one.

    Don't give him the opportunity to victimise you again. He would target you as well as other people, not instead of you. One victim wouldn't be enough for him.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    What is the actual point?
    I cant be bothered to carry on anymore.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Stay strong this willl be hard but you can push through and this will get better.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    Someone help I really hate myself.

    I feel so ashamed of myself.

    I dont know what to do or how to forget things? The more i try to forget this, the more - I'm thinking about what im trying to forget. :(:(:'(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    KathleenKathleen Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    Hey Shaunie,

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down about yourself. Having a constant cycle of wanting to forget about something but not being able to seems infuriating. Is there anything specific that triggers this shame and hatred? Is it other people or does it come from you?

    Sometimes people have a hard time seeing themselves as they really are. For whatever reasons, some people just see the negatives before they see the positives. It might be hard at first, but you could try to find things that you do like about yourself, or things that you're really good at, and focus on those. Even if it's something small, use that to get rid of those negative thoughts you are having. As soon as you have a negative thought, you can stop and think about all of the things you like about yourself instead. It may not help immediately, but it could be a good way to remind yourself about the positives.

    -Kathleen
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    Hey Kathleen

    Thank you - that would work if i had things to like about myself.

    I keep telling myself the saying "It takes two to tango" which makes me hate myself even more for it and feel even more disgusting.

    I get triggered mostly from myself. I have dreams of vivid horrible things (that havent happened) and then it reminds me of what's has actually happened. And reminds me I'm disgusting. Wake up feeling like shit and hating myself for what I've done and then hard to get it out of my head. And I'm triggered every time I see like his posts on social media or see him. And makes me feel so dirttttyyyy
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    KathleenKathleen Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    Have you tried blocking him on social media? It's a small thing but if his posts trigger you, you should probably consider it

    I understand that learning to love yourself can be quite difficult. This article on looking after yourself may be helpful especially this section called big yourself up:
    [h=2]Big yourself up[/h] If you’re in the habit of putting yourself down a lot, try making a list of all your good qualities. Get a friend to help you. You’ll be surprised at how long that list turns out to be. Remind yourself of the list from time to time.

    You say you don't have anything that you like about yourself, so doing this with someone else may be a good idea. It might not be easy right away, but if you work at it a little bit every day, you could end up with more things than you expected. Does this sound like something you could try?

    -Kathleen
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,535 Skive's The Limit
    No one would do it with me lol. so came up with a few of my own of what i like about myself
    - not a murder, not tortured puppies before and not in prison and thats about it
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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