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tired of the same struggles

JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
I'm so upset,, I just keep waking up every day and I;m still alive.. I feel so low and depressed and anxious - i feel constantly on edge for no reason. Im sick of being stuck inside the house, im sick of feeling so low all the time, im sick of having no friends, nobody, im sick of getting drunk every day, I miss where I used to live, I miss having support and being able to get out. I used to have daily support workers to take me out to help me but now ive moved I have nobody and im stuck inside. My life is a pathetic waste and i dont want it. I cant cope anymore its just the same shit day in day out and i just sit here getting drunk trying to keep going :(
The sun will rise and we will try again 

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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    im not drunk enough for this shit, why oh why am I alive and conscious
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,514 Skive's The Limit
    It's sad to read youre not having support at the moment when you're clearly struggling:(. And may sound like nothing but your life and everyone's life is worthy just as much as each others. Youre not a waste and you have a purpose. Even a small purpose of your lovely replies on here to people. That helps a lot of people.

    I understand life can be pretty shit and everything you want feels like miles away. I dont know exactly how you feel. But at the moment youre in a dark horrible place but you will soon get out and gett better. Because you're still here which shoes how much strength you have - when feeling so low.

    I really do hope you start feeling better soon
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,514 Skive's The Limit
    .accident sorry
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,319 Part of The Furniture
    Ooh Jelly. :( I think a lot of folks here will be able to relate to that feeling of just being so mentally and emotionally worn down. Depression, anxiety and everything else all carry real weight when you're battling with them long-term. It's totally understandable to feel so sick of everything, particularly if when you've been dealing with things for as long as it sounds like you have.

    I get the feeling that moving house was quite a big change for you? A shift like that to less support must be pretty jarring.

    For what it's worth, @Shaunie is totally right - you're worth a lot to The Mix community. The support you provide to others is amazing and you're one of the core members here. This place wouldn't be the same without you. :p

    How are you feeling at the moment? We're always here. You matter. *hug*
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    Thanks for the replies - I am not feeling any better. I think I feel worse every day if that's even possible. I continue to be distressed by my own existence. The only thing I want is to be able to go back to my flat and the situation I had before but that is impossible so Im done with everything. I can't bear sitting here day in day out alone drinking. There is no hope for me, Im living in darkness I feel. Ive had enough. I have a doctors appointment on Monday to get my meds but nothing and nobody can help me so its pointless. I can only hope that I cease to exist v soon.
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Sorry your still not feeling any better. Sounds like you are finding it really hard at the moment. I hope you are able to find some support and well done for sharing it on here. Even if it doesn't look like it will get better I promise you that it will over time.

    Stay strong you can do this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thinking about you;)

    Dude, I wish I could have a magic hoover to contain all the bad stuff and give a day of happiness with no stress. Everyone's written lovely things here and I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and if there's a way that things could go back to before or some way that we could help, i'll be keeping my eyes peeled!
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    thank you Charlotte :)

    Notagain <3 thank you that's lovely...

    as a kind of update I have got a letter today saying someone from the community mental health team is coming to my house to assess me on tuesday - so Im feeling super nervous about that but I am hoping it's a good thing and that they will offer me support if they see how much I am struggling.
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,319 Part of The Furniture
    It sounds like you've got quite a positive outlook about your assessment on Tuesday, Jelly - good on you. :) Might go without saying that being nervous is totally understandable and okay, but thought I'd throw it in for the record. I hope it goes well and that you maybe find a bit of relief in telling someone how bad things have really been getting. Keep us posted on how things go - you got this. :yes:

    How are you doing this weekend?

    *hug*
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    I just need to throw this out there because im REALLY DISTRESSED

    like the first time this woman from the cmht came round she was all yeah i wanna work with you, i think you should see psychologist and we will see if we can get you a support worker etc.... then yesterday she rang and said they needed more info and she wanted to come see me today. SO i said ok..... she came this morning but this time she was like oh the cmht are really strict who they accept, we might not be able to accept you, its a choice your making to not go out,i dont ssee how we can help you, we dont understand how u have managed to do a degree but now u cant manage anything, its not helpful to have support workers take you out etc .... she left saying she will discuss me with her team thsi afternoon but im left feeling like they wont accept me because of everything she has said.... she doesnt understand my illnesses.... she just thinks im choosing to sit around and do fuck all basically.

    WHY THE FUCK did i move to this shithole area where there is no help and support for me, no hope of getting better, no friends, nothing. I just sit inside all day every day crying. I cant take any more of this shit. Im literally at the end of my tether i wish i would drop dead because my life is hopeless. I dont know what to do.
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,514 Skive's The Limit
    Hi Jelly.
    That is so frustrated to read. I really hope they consider it a bit more. To feel dismissed and hopeless must be hard. Like you need to get so ill for them to help you. But it's really brave of you for trying to get this help:) and it's great that you still want help.
    Is there any charities or anything else where you live? I'm not to sure on their help myself but may be something to consider.

    You deserve help so keep seeking it because you seem distressed:( hope things start getting easier for you soon.

    Let's us know if anythint changes? You have all of our support 💜💜
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Sorry jelly this sounds dreadful and really hard. Sorry that you are having to go through this is sounds really annoying.

    You deserve support and reaching out to get something is really good so I hope that they reconsider so that you can get the support which you deserve.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie,
    thanks - theres no charities in my area BUT I am feeling kinda baffled because the woman from the cmht just phoned me up and said that she pleaded my case to her team and that they are accepting me? and she is coming to visit me on the 16th with a SUPPORT WORKER so this makes no sense because she literally told me this morning that it was unhelpful and all that shit about it being a choice so WHO FCKING KNOWS im BAFFLED im just gonna roll with it i thinkkkkk
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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