Just venting TRIGGERING?

ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 4,340 Uber Poster
I think im actually half way through recovery through anorexia and stopped purging and buging. Which is great. Im just confused to why i still feel like this.
Its so frustrating because im getting better but at the same time im getting worse and more suicidal. Which i dont think is from weight gain.

It feels like everhthing is enhanced. Everything is going so fast. Everyones enjoying themselve 10× more than they normaly do. Their laughing so loud and everything is loud. And clear and vivid. That is feel like im just on the side lines and not actually apart of it. Feeling so real but very unreal at the same time??
Everyone is moving on and knowing how to enjoy life. Except im not moving with how fast life is. Life just sacres me tbh. Im jelous of them and envey their lives.

Im so very suicidal and sad. I have no energy to recover. I cant put myself through anymore disappointment. I think depresseion will beat me. I had all this hope and its like someone taken it away. I just want to hid away forever from the world & happy people and stay asleep. I want to move on with my life but at the same time i know that wont ever happen. I just want to die. I dont usually feel this low and suicidal. Only these past few weeks and extremely low today. Im finding reasons to not carry on. And im scared of myself and thoughts.

Sorry I just needed to say this somewhere.
Not using atm cause am stressed and sad and should use different support and have break. 


  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 4,340 Uber Poster
    Hi thank you so much for this!
    It makes complete sense and i have mentioned it to my therapist and my mental health team. And they was just like youregoing to be refeered to personality disorder and need to have more therapy. Because of my other coping methods. Which i think is wrong.

    But what you said makes much more sense -I couldnt of cared less about my future or anything, as long as i was losing weight and in control. And now im starting to realise how ive messed up my life And how much work i have to caught up on and how alone ive made myself. And other things i never cared about.

    I put so much pressure on my self to be happy. When i need to keep reminding myself it takes time. And I will try and let this all pass. And pick up where i lefted before it all.

    Thank you!! ❤ :)
    Not using atm cause am stressed and sad and should use different support and have break. 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 4,340 Uber Poster
    I hope you're better since. ? Glad youre finding things you enjoy! Do hate the name of personality disorder.
    Thank you so very much again V. I see a lot more hope now, then when i first posted this. I think i will be okay and this will pass! And if it doesnt i will take the therpay and support groups which is april!
    Just feels like they are putting me back to the beginning when they said the therpay im having now is what i need. Guess it was just a part of what i needed.

    💖 :)
    Not using atm cause am stressed and sad and should use different support and have break. 
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