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Just venting TRIGGERING?

SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
I think im actually half way through recovery through anorexia and stopped purging and buging. Which is great. Im just confused to why i still feel like this.
Its so frustrating because im getting better but at the same time im getting worse and more suicidal. Which i dont think is from weight gain.

It feels like everhthing is enhanced. Everything is going so fast. Everyones enjoying themselve 10× more than they normaly do. Their laughing so loud and everything is loud. And clear and vivid. That is feel like im just on the side lines and not actually apart of it. Feeling so real but very unreal at the same time??
Everyone is moving on and knowing how to enjoy life. Except im not moving with how fast life is. Life just sacres me tbh. Im jelous of them and envey their lives.

Triggering?:
Im so very suicidal and sad. I have no energy to recover. I cant put myself through anymore disappointment. I think depresseion will beat me. I had all this hope and its like someone taken it away. I just want to hid away forever from the world & happy people and stay asleep. I want to move on with my life but at the same time i know that wont ever happen. I just want to die. I dont usually feel this low and suicidal. Only these past few weeks and extremely low today. Im finding reasons to not carry on. And im scared of myself and thoughts.

Sorry I just needed to say this somewhere.
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hi thank you so much for this!
    It makes complete sense and i have mentioned it to my therapist and my mental health team. And they was just like youregoing to be refeered to personality disorder and need to have more therapy. Because of my other coping methods. Which i think is wrong.

    But what you said makes much more sense -I couldnt of cared less about my future or anything, as long as i was losing weight and in control. And now im starting to realise how ive messed up my life And how much work i have to caught up on and how alone ive made myself. And other things i never cared about.

    I put so much pressure on my self to be happy. When i need to keep reminding myself it takes time. And I will try and let this all pass. And pick up where i lefted before it all.

    Thank you!! ❤ :)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I hope you're better since. ? Glad youre finding things you enjoy! Do hate the name of personality disorder.
    Thank you so very much again V. I see a lot more hope now, then when i first posted this. I think i will be okay and this will pass! And if it doesnt i will take the therpay and support groups which is april!
    Just feels like they are putting me back to the beginning when they said the therpay im having now is what i need. Guess it was just a part of what i needed.

    💖 :)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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