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AllieAllie NoobPosts: 233 Trailblazer
Before you all know.. i have had a drink which is probably why ive come to the boards. Why do i always sleep with guys when its emotionally and physocally painful?!? I have slept with 7 guys sonce January.. im supposed to have sex within the next hour tbh.. 2 over this weekend.. is it more concerning im sleeping with guys because i feel like my body deserves this punishment or that im sleeping with a guy thats 46.. 25 years older than me.. i cannot understand it even though i try so hard to. I dont know why i do it. I guess im scared of guys because i was assaulted so i always say yes. The feeling i get before i sleep with them is horrible... i stand/sit there with a sick feeling in my gut and i carry on through the pain until he is ready to finish. I dont known why it happens im not attracted to guys. I feel so fucking DIRTY.


  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Kayden,

    Sounds like it's a really tough time for you at the moment, you've done a really positive thing by coming here to talk and look for some help and support for yourself. Seems as though things are hard right now, how are you feeling at the moment? You were saying that you were supposed to have sex within the next hour and 2 over the weekend, could you say more about what's been going on for you? Sounds like you're having a horrible time at the moment, it's really brave of you to talk here about what you're going through. You were saying in your post that you're sleeping with guys because you feel like your body deserves punishment, what makes you think it does? Do you feel safe where you are at the moment? Your title of your thread this morning said Help Me.. Urgent could you say more about the situation and whats happened?

    Your doing so well to look for some help and support, we're all here for you :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Kayden,

    As I read your post I feel overwhelmed that you are going through this, but it's so brave of you to open up about it. How do you feel after posting?

    It sounds like the emotions you're experiencing are overpowering, and I can't imagine how scary it must feel. Have you spoken to anyone about what happened to you in the past? Regardless of when it happened, you can get in touch with Rape Crisis for some support, or even if it's just to talk. Whatever you are feeling is completely valid and your actions may or may not be in response to what happened, but you are not to blame, and nobody deserves this kind of punishment.

    It's ok if you can't make sense of things; there is no set way to respond to what happened. We are here to listen or help you talk things through if you need to vent some more.

  • AllieAllie Noob Posts: 233 Trailblazer
    Hi Steph, i posted this friday it did happen, all of it happened. I amount to nothing, therefore my body doesnt either, i deserve to be punished. I am safe, i came back home yesterday evening. I dont know why i do it.
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Kayden, :)

    Thanks for clarifying that - got mixed up with the days there sorry!

    Sounds like you're as you said your feeling lots of emotions at the moment and its a hard time for you. That's OK not to know why you do it, its good that you feel able to talk about it here, you're welcome to keep posting about whats happening, how you're feeling and anything you'd like to say you can do that here. *hug*

    For times when it's early hours of the morning like 2.30am and there might be no one online on the boards to reply to you you could try an organisation called IMAlive they are open 24/7 when you go on their website you just click the big blue chat now button in the top right hand corner of the page. Thought this might be worth trying if you wanted to.

    You were saying in your last post that that you amount to nothing there your body doesn't either. Sounds really tough for you to feel this way. What makes you say this?
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