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Do I love one of my bestfriends or I am just jealous his girlfriend isnt me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I lost my virginity to one of my bestfriends and ever since then I have had a certain affection towards him and I don't know whether that is just lust or I have feelings for him. He has a girlfriend and we don't like each other and I hate the thought of them together. He shuts all of his friends out when he is with her and just because we have slept together in the past she doesn't let him talk to me when they are together which is basically all the time! We went on holiday a few weeks back and they had split up during that period and we slept together a few time then but now he is back with her, he is completely ignoring me. I don't know what to do because I don't even know if its just a lustful thing between us or that I do have some feelings for him. I want them to split up but I want him to be happy because we are such good friends! Someone please help me I don't know what to do!!!!


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am not sure if this is really that good of a friendship, if he bangs you a couple times and then goes back to the GF who forbids him to talk to you. To answer your question: I don't know, but luckily it is irrelevant, because he does not love you back. If he lets his GF prevent him of having contact to you, your friendship is not as strong as you thought. I'd move on in your case.
  • AifeAife LondonCommunity Manager Posts: 2,651 Boards Champion
    Hello Ells, welcome to the forum!

    Thank you for sharing this. It is great that you are posting in the forum, some people find it a great release and a good way to seek advice. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, it sounds like you are going through a really tough time. It is difficult when you are best friends and have history together. You said that his girlfriend won't let him talk to you. This must be really hard. Have you tried talking to him to tell him how you feel?

    You also said that you don't know if your feelings towards him are lust or love. How long have you have you had feelings for him?
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you both, I think I have come to the conclusion that I don't love him but will always feel something towards him due to our history. We have a mutual bestfriend whom he has spoke to about me and that he hopes I understand but he does what to remain friends but his relationship is currently fragile. However it seems to be all about him and how he feels not anything to do with me. I think it is time for me to move despite how hard it is going to be, especially if I am still going to see him on a regular basis.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ​That's very enlightening of you ells to realise that maybe these feelings are mainly connected to your past with him - and well done for being so strong in choosing to move on. Try not to be too hard on yourself, these things take time and, as you say, are hard - but eventually will feel easier *hug*
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