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Intense need to have a baby

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi. I have been trying for a baby recently. At the moment it is something I want because I have realised that being a mum might be the only thing I will ever be good at and I know my child will be nothing but loved very much. After having a small chat with someone about this, I have been told that if it turns out I am pregnant then my child will get taken away from me given my state of mind. It is very unlikely that my feelings will be considered even if taking my baby will make me worse.

I'm suddenly starting to feel quite scared about the possibility of pregnancy because the thought of my baby getting taken away from me is terrifying, I wouldn't be a bad mother and I would hope people would believe that. I will look after my baby with all of my heart and love.

I had a miscarriage not too long ago. I want the chance to learn from my mistake. I don't want to be the kind of person that keeps losing babies or having them taken from me. It makes me feel disgusting. I don't want to seem like I am messing around with other lives. Words can't stress how desperate I am to have a baby.

I know at this point I should stop being selfish. If I'm going to bring a baby into this world then I don't want he or she to be taken away from their mother because it isn't fair on them but I don't think I have enough strength to get the need of a baby out of my mind. I don't know how to handle this whole situation. People can tell me things but it's very hard when my mind battles with itself every single day.

I often think about my future and it feels like I'm never going to achieve anything but I know I would be an amazing mum. It's all I want and it's all I can think about. I'm completely devastated because I did a pregnancy test recently and it came back negative. I've had sex again since then so I am holding on to all hope that it's going to happen soon.

I don't know how to cope with such overwhelming and intense thoughts about having a baby. In my mind I am set on the thought of being the best mum I can be, but I am extremely scared to know that a lot of people will be nothing but disappointed in me. It doesn't feel like there's any middle ground whatsoever. I either have a baby or I don't. I want one, so if I don't have one then I'll be upset. Other people don't want me to have one so if I do have one then they'll be upset. Please help me?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello there BraveHeart1 :wave:

    That sounds like a very tough thing for you to be going through. On the one hand you really want to have a child, but on the other, you have the concern that you might not yet be ready for it, and letting other people down.

    I know it can be hard when people put roadblocks in the way of what we want, however it might be a good idea to listen to what they are saying - if others are concerned about your well-being and if you are in a stable spot to be able to be the best mum you can be.

    Thats a wonderful and admirable thing that you have said, about wanting to do everything you can to raise a child, and make them feel loved. I do think that if family members or support workers are concerned for you and your health - and that this may affect you being able to support a child, then this is important for you to think about. You may want to focus on yourself for the time being, by making sure you are happy and healthy and in the best place you can be - before you think about a family of your own. It's a funny thing, its both the most wonderful and stressful experience at the same time! It can put a lot of strain and pressure on people, and that's something to bear in mind.

    Do you have anyone you could talk to about your feelings - perhaps a counsellor or someone you can trust who will be able to listen to how you are feeling? It might be a good idea to get those feelings off your chest, and it may help if someone else is aware of the struggles you are facing :yes:

    I hope this helps you out a little bit - you can always talk to us on here if you need to :)

    Take care of yourself x

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for replying. I have people that encouraged me with their all to get the implant which I did but I am having it taken out tonight without informing anyone else. I want something to go right and I want to be in control of one of my decisions. I want a baby. I think I would be an incredible mum. I am scared because I know people's concerns are real but the thought of not trying does scare me more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can get the need for control but you need to understand the gravity of bringing a baby in to your life. Control is something you can source from a lot of places, and proving something to yourself isn't worth a newborn life; especially if you're doing it in the knowledge that it will likely be taken away from you. Whether you believe you'll be an incredible mother is irrelevant to the authorities if they don't think you're fit for it. I mean, if you genuinely believe you'll be an incredible mother, what have you got to lose by waiting until you're more stable? The child's life is only going to be better if you're healthier. Having children needs to happen when you're ready, when your life is stable, possibly with a loving partner, and when you know you're in the best place health-wise (both to handle actually bearing it and raising it, mentally and physically).
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