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First problem for 9 years...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Never thought I'd been back here..... doing this.

First thing is first, Been through it all before and please don't advice the following
- Professional help
- Any other form of charitable help,

I won't take/listen to it. (bad experience with them in the past)

So I thought I'd out grown all of this, thought everything was fine and no issues, Hell 9 years without a problem but lately.... Sh*t things got bad.

Lately I've just got to the stage of feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things, I came to the realisation that most people I speak to put up with me, my supposed friends aren't really friends and apart from the obligatory "hi, how are you" when i initiate a conversation, (text/facebook/call etc) no one actually speaks to me, apart from the usual, "Oh can you help out with this or that"

Put it this way, I wouldn't really be missed if I disappeared... This has lead to a downward spiral which I see no end off.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey Hellfire,
    Lots on your mind, really glad to see you've felt able to post here.

    It sounds like you're feeling really isolated: 'my supposed friends aren't my friends' and you feel as if you didn't initiate anything with people, then they'd just forget about you - is that right?

    It's understandable that this by itself is leading you to feel really overwhelmed. Has anything else shifted for you recently? Or have you experienced any change? For example, you say for 9 years you've felt there haven't been problems - is this because you feel you've managed to cope differently or because something has happened recently to affect how you feel?

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers Helen,

    I'll be honest in the last nine years I have had "problems" but always minor and easily coped but I pushed it behind and never let it get to me... I've gone through sad/depressive episodes but come out of it relatively intact.

    However the latest one has been bad
    - Felt my friends haven't been around, as you correctly stated
    - Marriage is a little rocky, don't feel as close as we have before, (issues here but that can not get better, i've tried so either have to leave her or deal with it)
    - Just downright feel lonely tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's really difficult to know what to suggest - because most people would suggest charitiable help (samaritans, etc) or professional help.

    There are people on here who know far more than myself; but have you done things like self help?
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 The Mix Regular
    I think for me, the main thing whilst reading this was whether your brain might be clouding things and making you feel a certain way, rather than seeing clearly - I don't know whether this holds true at all?

    Would you consider taking up a new activity or hobby (I know this can be really hard when feeling low) but it might help combat the loneliness aspect slightly?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I may as well have as my sig but mindfulness is worth giving a try (and I mean really giving it a good go not just trying it once and saying oh it didn't work for me). I've never found anything thats helped as much without having "professionals" involved.

    You are massively loved by a load of people and I personally miss having you in my life as much as I used to, even if we didn't get to actually see each other very often. i think we all take our friends for granted at times and don't talk to them about the little things as much as the big things and when we need help. New hobbies would be a great start, or go get more involved with more groups that do things that you're already interested - local reptile groups, car enthusiasts, angling groups, anything really. But talking to people when you first get the start of some niggling feelings is a good way to stop it getting bad again!
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hellfire wrote: »
    - Marriage is a little rocky, don't feel as close as we have before, (issues here but that can not get better, i've tried so either have to leave her or deal with it)

    Great that you have felt able to come through some episodes and have felt OK, but better now that you're reaching out - this is the strongest thing you can do.

    Looking at the bit I've quoted here, what are the issues in your marriage that can't get better? I've decided to put emphasis on this more than the other two points because I think they're interconnected and when our romantic relationships are causing us discomfort, then that can shake us to the core...

    Big ol' bear hugs for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing that can change so I feel it is pointless putting on here.

    going back to what others have said, I don't want new friends, I just want my friends I have to give a shit and occasionally say Hi to me or get in touch with me. Coupled with the R'ship problems does make it feel like I am extremely unwanted at present.


    As for new hobbies, I get little time as it at present, not even interested in meeting new friends (as mentioned) the ones I have are genuinely fantastic... I guess the feelings is not reciprocated. Honestly tempted to not say anything to a few of them and see how long we go without speaking as it does genuinely seem to be me doing the chasing.


    Funny thing is I ended up going all teenage angst and shaving me head & beard off (a pretty impressive beard i might add) and yet hardly anyone actually noticed when I saw them last... I guess I am just invisible.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ahhhh sod it I am done :/

    Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hellfire wrote: »
    Ahhhh sod it I am done :/

    Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk

    *hug* What was going through your head when you posted this? It sounds like you are pissed off with your mates, but for some reason can't admit that they might not behaving as fantastically as you're painting them to be. You won't be the first person to think it's unusual to not be noticed if you have a dramatic change of image, but for some reason you feel powerless to express yourself or let people know that they are making you feel less than valued.

    Instead of skittling away from these people - if they are fantastic, then an alternative could be to think about how you can engage them in your life. With your appearance for example, one thing you could say is: 'so, what do you think of the new hair' - and see what their reaction is. Sometimes if we are excited/curious about what people think about something, then it can rub off on our mates if we're vocal about it.

    Friends aside, are there other areas in your life where you feel invisible? Or are there times in the past when things have happened to you that have told you: 'I'm invisible'?

    By speaking those words, you are kind of creating a reality for yourself that might not have to be true - perhaps there are other things going on that you are finding it hard to confront?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im really sorry u feel this way. You seem to know already whats wrong with u and u feel u dont need anyone to tell u that again.

    You are who u are and nothing can change that. The only thing u can do is hope that things will get better. If u were asking me I believe in time they do and thats just my opinion. I may not exactly what ur going through but I know the feeling of worthlessness.

    There may not be anything what can help only without u noticing around u that the people who do help is those what truely care. Eventhough we argue, shout, be horrible and embarass them still makes them part of us. Im not sure how close u and ur family are but I bet theres one person either out of ur family or friends who cheers u up without realising it.

    This isnt advice I am giving u but the only thing what can help is doing what ur doing which is trying to get through each day slowly and remembering why ur still here. This may not be getting professional help or counselling but just reminding urself with this and getting by is something what seems to be working even if it dont feel like it.

    You shouldnt never take ur family or friends for granteed because one day u could lose something in ur life what made u once in ur life time happy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lucky you that this is your 1st problem in that long!?...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lucky you that this is your 1st problem in that long!?...

    Was there really any need for this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Was there really any need for this?

    Okay,sorry..Maybe I shouldn't have said it
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