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Cyber-snooping and cyber-stalking: Would you do it? Honestly?

Danny!Danny! modPosts: 560 Incredible Poster
Communicating using digital technology gives lots of opportunities to see how your date/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse is communicating with other people. Simpler technologies mean that texts and emails are recorded and can be checked. But you can also see your lover’s pictures on Facebook, see who likes their photos on Instagram, who’s tweeting them over-friendly messages. You can even get an app that gives you access to their location, text messages, phonebook and call log:

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You can hardly be blamed for reading your partner’s post when it comes up on your Facebook wall. But some people might feel the above app is going a bit far! Where do you draw your lines?

• Would you look through your girlfriend/boyfriend’s Facebook pictures on their profile, seeing where they were and with who?

• Would you google a new love interest and look through whatever they have available online?

• Would you use a GPS tracking app?


There’s a good article here on how to deal with these and other issues around cyber-stalking and snooping, including advice on how to deal with it if you or your partner are struggling.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why would you be with someone you quite clearly can't trust? I've got nothing to hide; but I wouldn't be happy with my partner snooping on me - because it proves they don't trust me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Why would you be with someone you quite clearly can't trust? I've got nothing to hide; but I wouldn't be happy with my partner snooping on me - because it proves they don't trust me.

    This. If you need to use this app and keep constant track of your partner I would say it's a sign that something's not quite right with the relationship. That being said, I guess there's nothing wrong with using it mutually if you both have no issue with it (I know some couples like that, the glued at the hip types...).

    My personal boundaries would be that app and the GPS thing. Like Melian said, even without anything to hide, that level of privacy invasion shows unhealthy distrust. Also, I'm generally a private person so I generally prefer it when people know less about me (I just feel more comfortable that way). That doesn't mean I'm gallivanting around with women on my arms, though.

    I don't think looking at photos is that bad. I mean, we all get curious right? I think checking a love interest out online is pretty okay as well, as long as it's not taken to any extremes. When you get that feeling of obsession sometimes its nice to have a peek at their profiles/pages. Plus just wanting to know a little more about someone isn't a crime.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that most people's gut reaction to this would be 'oh great - now I can be spied on.' That's never a nice feeling to have - and I think if you are checking up on a partners texts etc - it seems like you want to find something, that something must be wrong.

    I quite like the GPS aspect surprisingly, if you were every worried about a partner - if they were lost or something and had no idea where they were - then this would be a great way to find them. I think some functions - checking out a potential new partner on Facebook isn't stalking - it's curiosity - you want to know a little bit more about them. They have caught your attention and I don't think there is anything too harmless about wanting to know a bit more about their life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And most of the time, you wouldn't actually find anything. I've got nothing to hide and he hasn't either. But I can't say I'd really care if a friend's wife went through his phone or emails and found what we'd been discussing.

    Actually, you do make a good point about GPS - especially good if you've got a partner with something like dementia or a mental health problem who is prone to wandering off. In that sense, it's not a bad thing and is useful. But other than that, I can't see why you'd feel the need to have it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tamsinjo wrote: »
    I quite like the GPS aspect surprisingly, if you were every worried about a partner - if they were lost or something and had no idea where they were - then this would be a great way to find them.
    :chin:
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Whowhere wrote: »
    I use the GPS on my wife's phone, but only when she's rung me to say she's on her way home. That way I can keep track and know how to time dinner so it is being plated up as she walks in. Ain't I good.

    I really like the idea of using it to improve a relationship in that way :) Are you ever tempted to look at it at other times?
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    MikeS wrote: »
    :chin:

    Are you doubting it's that simple?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    I use the GPS on my wife's phone, but only when she's rung me to say she's on her way home. That way I can keep track and know how to time dinner so it is being plated up as she walks in. Ain't I good.

    Not for me personally. Actually, you have kind of mentioned a good use - ie, if you have a partner who works away. I know that sometimes, mum has come home late due to accidents and other stuff. Could be in useful in that way.

    My concern is it being open up to abuse and partners being controlling and needing to know where someone is all the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Are you doubting it's that simple?

    Not so much that. I love the idea in theory - especially as Melian says about a partner with MH difficulties that this could be a serious issue for. Seems like a great application of the GPS thing.

    You have to beg the question though... would you never be tempted to peek at what they're doing regardless? Not even a tiny bit? I would be. Even leaving distrust out of the equation, just curiosity getting the better of you? I have a bad feeling that keeping tabs on a partner could be a real slippery slope. However there is the chance that I'm thinking too much in to this!
    Whowhere wrote: »
    I use the GPS on my wife's phone, but only when she's rung me to say she's on her way home. That way I can keep track and know how to time dinner so it is being plated up as she walks in. Ain't I good.

    Damn, what service!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MikeS wrote: »
    Not so much that. I love the idea in theory - especially as Melian says about a partner with MH difficulties that this could be a serious issue for. Seems like a great application of the GPS thing.

    Talking to someone just now with MH issues who has this on her phone. She said that whilst she does understand the need for it, it can be a right pain. It does rely on mobile data / wi-fi too, which you may not always have. She said it does mean having to alert people every time that yes, she is ok and that she is just going out.
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