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Struggling to live..

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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Suzy,

    How did your shift go? Has your knee sorted itself out yet?
    You're not bothering anyone - please keep posting! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was ok I guess... Just shattered, been working all over Easter from 10Am till 11/12PM..

    Knee's still being annoying. The more I work the more it hurts, but I guess I deserve the pain.

    Last night in general was really bad.. Just felt so low, to the point where I did not want to live any more. I hate feeling like this I hate it. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Uncle's funeral was this morning... Was absolutely massive, it brought the town to standstill was so many people there. I miss him so much. I was fine the full way through it never cried, came home turned on the tv and it made the news, currently hiding upstairs crying.. I'm sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with hiding upstairs crying. Everyone needs to cry at some point, and you are in fact only a human being. Yes, you might feel you need to be strong for others but that doesn't mean you can't take a little bit of time for yourself every so often.

    I remember when I was looking after my aunt and her family after my uncle died, and visiting my grandparents a lot to help them - every so often I'd pull the car over somewhere quiet when I was driving between the three houses and cry into the cuddly toy that had ended up in my car.

    It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate - do you get any help at home, or is it just you, your sisters and your dad?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As for the driving theory test - try not to worry about it. It's a complete faff to get through. Lots of it is pretty easy, but there are odd bits that are really tricky, especially if you have to do the hazard perception bit. Do you have practise CDs? If not, when you get a chance it would be well worth getting hold of those before you try it again and make sure you get some practise in and you're routinely passing the scenarios and the questions before trying the test again. It's much easier to do the test when you know you can get it all right already in the comfort of your own home.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mum used to help, she's left so I've got to do it on me own now. I've got to be the strong one for everyone else. I don't matter at the end of the day. Don't really do just taking time for myself, never have the time really. So at the moment it's me looking after dad and the sisters.

    Driving theory test- I've got all the cd's and stuff, but still keep failing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you passing when you do the stuff on the CDs? And then failing the test? Or not passing on the CDs either?

    Does your dad have any kind of district nurse, or health visitor, or GP? And if so, do they know that your mum has left and you're now his sole carer? There may well be some kind of help that can be set up for you & him.

    You may also find that you fall into the category of something called a young carer. There's a bit more information about it at the following links, may be worth taking a look at.

    If you're aged 16-30http://www.caringalone.org.uk/
    If you're at school/college http://www.youngcarers.net/
    Info from the NHS http://www.nhs.uk/carersdirect/young/Pages/Youngcarershome.aspx

    You're doing a fab job by the sounds of it - and remember that everyone needs a little bit of time for yourself. Even if it's just 15 minutes on the bus on the way to work listening to your music and chilling, or 15 mins chilling out with a book before you fall asleep at night.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Passing when I do the test at home.

    Dad has nothing, wont take any help from the nhs or anything... GP's are still closed cause it's Easter Tuesday, that's life I guess.

    Feel like complete and utter shite, I don't see any point in me being here. I'm tired and in pain, I don't know anymore.

    Work was just a disaster, Was sat calling the numbers and broke down in tears, ran out and hid under the stairs... Refused to come out.. Second time it's happened now. I'm sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even if your dad won't take help, doesn't mean you can't take help.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope... Dad refuses any help for all of us. It's harder but a lot easer just to say no to help, stops him getting wound up and eases the lashing out that he does to. Us being his family are used to the lashing out, imagine a stranger seeing that... Imagine him lashing out at the help and hurting them, I could never live with myself if that happened. We are used to it. Strangers won't be
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You really need to have a chat with your GP about the current set up - just to make sure that everyone's minimum needs are being met.

    It may well all be fine at the moment, but if you have a fall and suddenly end up on crutches it sounds like this whole plan might come unstuck - so it's worth having someone in the system aware of what's going on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Phoned the GP two week wait for all of them. If I fall I get up and carry on. I don't matter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you end up in plaster that wont work. Did you make an appointment?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in plaster it still won't matter. My dad's my responsibility weather I'm hurt or not don't matter. And yes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done for among the appointment - it's a good start.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mm yea..

    Feel like utter shit this morning.. Sat stressing over work I go back to collage on Monday have a pile of work due in and I've hardly done it cause I've not have time. I don't think I'll get it done. But I don't do it I'll fail. I don't really have a choice. Should just stop moaning about everything and get on wit it. Moaning get's me no where. Pointless stupid person Suzy. Get a grip.
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