If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Unsure what to do
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I have this friend... She is sick, I am certain of that much. I am really close with her, but after this one fight we had almost a month back over something totally stupid, but she seemed to feel very attacked by it, I just am completely one hundred percent irritated with her.
Specifically, this is my big issue that I don't know what to do, everything with her is a contest, she has to be the worst off and everything that happens to her is the world's fault. I don't know what to do?
I am highly irritated and even mad at her for this behaviour because what about me? I am the one who struck up the conversation with I need your help because, and suddenly she's talking about how much her life sucks and she's got all these problems that really aren't problems and are easily fixed with a little effort that she doesn't want to put in because she believes the world owes her something.
I have a lot of mental health issues, I have depression, anxiety, panic disorder and OCD my moods are like all over the place all the time and I am an introvert who formerly tried passing as an extrovert. Now I'm on all kinds of drugs to make me normal, and currently I've been on a mood stabilizer for like a week and a bit, but obviously it isn't fully effective yet.
It has gotten to the point I am one of this friend's only resources and the only real social contact she has, but I can't even talk to her anymore without thinking oh no here we go again, and I feel so guilty but I just don't know what to do.
Can anyone help me?
EllaBelle
Specifically, this is my big issue that I don't know what to do, everything with her is a contest, she has to be the worst off and everything that happens to her is the world's fault. I don't know what to do?
I am highly irritated and even mad at her for this behaviour because what about me? I am the one who struck up the conversation with I need your help because, and suddenly she's talking about how much her life sucks and she's got all these problems that really aren't problems and are easily fixed with a little effort that she doesn't want to put in because she believes the world owes her something.
I have a lot of mental health issues, I have depression, anxiety, panic disorder and OCD my moods are like all over the place all the time and I am an introvert who formerly tried passing as an extrovert. Now I'm on all kinds of drugs to make me normal, and currently I've been on a mood stabilizer for like a week and a bit, but obviously it isn't fully effective yet.
It has gotten to the point I am one of this friend's only resources and the only real social contact she has, but I can't even talk to her anymore without thinking oh no here we go again, and I feel so guilty but I just don't know what to do.
Can anyone help me?
EllaBelle
0
Comments
here a links u might like to look at and there other ones there u might find useful
http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/friendships/howtobeagoodmate
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/anxietyandstress/anxietygettinghelp
Also, Thanks, that link helps, there's a couple things on there that really spoke to me about this situation.
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression/feelingsad
http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/depression
Sounds like it's not all going to plan for you at the moment.
The first thing I'd like to address is your own mental health difficulties, and just congratulate you on getting help and recognising that you find things difficult. Recovery can be a long process, but you can recover with the right support.
Now, onto your friend issue. This may not make you feel better to start with, but it's been my experience that most people have a friend a bit like yours, I'm going to call her Danni, because that's what mine was called. Danni always seems to have a story to trump yours and it's frustrating when what you need is a hand, not a competition. The problem is for Danni is that she lacks the social maturity to understand that life isn't always a competition, you don't have to win, and even if you did, sometimes winning isn't what it seems to be.
You say that you're convinced that she's sick as well, which seems plausible, it's not healthy for her to want to compete with you like this, however, if she doesn't know it, she can't get over it.
I never really worked out how to deal with the Danni's of the world, other than to not take them seriously, and not to rely on them too heavily for anything. Which is a shame, it does sound like you really need a friend right now. So do you have any other mates you can talk to?
I have two really awesome friends who've been here to help me through all of this, and they really understand. I owe them a lot for that. The problem really for me is I'm such a people pleaser. I'd rate myself pretty high on the introvert scale, and then adding trust issues to that, being an extrovert scared the bejesus out of me. but that was what everyone (my family and my teachers at the time, I was like 6 when this started) thought I should be, so I took that to mean, I had to please people, and being social was making everyone else's problems better.
I just can't shake that habit and I don't know why or how or even where to start
Learning to be gently honest with yourself is a good place to start when you need to make a change
Last thing, if something has happened that would result in a criminal trial, then it's worth talking about it in my opinion. I can't comment on the law in canada, but I would have thought they can't force you to testify. I would have also thought that your psychologist would be a good person to talk to. Under usual confidentiality rules they would only break confidentiality if someone is in danger.
And she does it so teenager like, she makes snide comments and stuff at me to let me know she's mad. I just can't deal with that. So I don't want to say anything about it because 1. it was almost 4 years ago, and 2. I don't want to tell my psychologist and then have her say we must tell my mother, and then tell my mother and have this vicious guilt cycle start.