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kids need discipline, not love. Agree?

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i would say that it would be much better to bring a child up with lots of love and no discipline than the other way round.

    That's crazy! Where did that idea come from?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think it is that crazy, in all honesty compared to the original idea it seems quite tame.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If a child lives with criticism,
    he learns to condemn.

    If a child lives with hostility,
    he learns to fight.

    If a child lives with fear,
    he learns to be apprehensive.

    If a child lives with pity,
    he learns to feel sorry for himself.

    If a child lives with ridicule,
    he learns to be shy.

    If a child lives with jealousy,
    he learns what envy is.

    If a child lives with shame,
    he learns to feel guilty.

    If a child lives with encouragement,
    he learns to be confident.

    If a child lives with tolerance,
    he learns to be patient.

    If a child lives with praise,
    he learns to be appreciative.

    If a child lives with acceptance,
    he learns to love.

    If a child lives with approval,
    he learns to like himself.

    If a child lives with recognition,
    he learns that it is good to have a goal.

    If a child lives with sharing,
    he learns about generosity.

    If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
    he learns what truth and justice are.

    If a child lives with security,
    he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.

    If a child lives with friendliness,
    he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

    If you live with serenity,
    your child will live with peace of mind.

    I grew up with one parent smacking me about everyday and another parent showering me with love. From my experience I would never ever hit my children, but I would use things like the naughty step and I'd send them to their room if they were out of line, but I want to bring up children and allow them to enjoy their precious childhood rather than have mini adults that should be seen and not heard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Given that every single piece of evidence suggests you need both, I'm not sure where the room for debate is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    spanner wrote: »
    This reminded me of that Japanese woman who was in the press a lot a while back:

    "Yale law professor, and mother of two girls, Amy Chua gave the world a new type of mother role model in her memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother: someone who insisted on several hours of music practice every day, banned sleepovers and wasn't happy with anything less than an A+ for schoolwork."

    Her kids lives sounded nothing like a childhood to me! More here

    She wrote a book, The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (I think it's still in print) but it felt like she was counting her children's achievements vicariously as her own rather than letting them enjoy their childhood, and loving them for whoever they are.

    I wonder what she would have done about a child with learning difficulties.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kissmekate wrote: »
    That's crazy! Where did that idea come from?

    because emotional neglect runs a very high risk of creating a psychopath, sociopath, abandonment issues, personality disorders.

    A free range kid on the other hand will probably be annoying as a child, but will still grow up and calm down and may not be a great workhorse, but a lot of social qualities and requirements are just learnt from being around people even without particularly structured discipline
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kissmekate wrote: »
    That's crazy! Where did that idea come from?

    Of my 8 neices and nephews, with three different parenting styles. They are all growing up with more love than dicipline. The eldest is top of her class. All her classes. The youngest is a happy big fat biffer baby, every single one is funny, articulate (where they can talk) well behaved and respectful.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Given that every single piece of evidence suggests you need both, I'm not sure where the room for debate is.

    So I guess u agree with me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kissmekate wrote: »
    So I guess u agree with me?

    Actually, he's just said the exact opposite. So far, no-one agrees with you, and it seems if they had to choose, love or discipline, most people are coming down for love.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kissmekate wrote: »
    So I guess u agree with me?

    Only in the sense that discipline is *part* of a parent/child relationship. Judging by your OP, I'd hate to be one of your children though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My opinion is that children need both love and discipline, more love i would say.:yes:
    My father don't show emotions, he never even told us that he loved us. Ok so he maybe don't know how but it would be good if he will show some love emotions for us.
    He's very strict but he didn't made me close to him, he drove me far away from him and at some point i hated him for it. I mean he doesn't show that he loves me so what the hell did he even care.

    So when i will have kids i will show them discipline(without the hitting part) because i would never hit my kids and love because every kid needs both.
    And i agree with Miss_Riot. Let children live their childhood and don't make them mini adults.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What?
    Kissmekate wrote: »
    Kids who are loved during childhood ends up spoiled, entitled, and generally bratty. It starts with them throwing tantrums at grocery stores bc their parents won't buy them candy.

    You are mixing up love and attention.

    Love is protection; it is nothing to do with giving sweets / toys etc..

    To spoil a child is to apply attention without reasoning.

    Kissmekate wrote: »
    It culminates with 16 y/o's thinking (and demanding) their parents owe them a car just bc they could drive. What happened to the concept of earning your living? Let's face it, parents willingly spend money on children knowing they ain't get nothing in return bc their under-16 children don't work! That's 16 years of them living with parents free of rent, not contributing to family expenses, and thinking they could do w/e they want bc their parents will always love them.

    Plus the time parents spend with their kids could be detrimental to their own careers. Not just stay at home moms, but also working parents who give up promotions, taking time off to attend school plays and sporting games, etc. And these 16 years of putting up with brats...that's enough money spent on them to buy a house!

    Again, attention without reasoning , when the children were younger.
    Kissmekate wrote: »
    Solution: Discipline your kids! Foster care is good for the character bc if children misbehaves, they are out of that particular home. Don’t ppl get kicked out of school or work for the same reason? But to be practical, a permanent home that disciplines is the 2nd best. Don’t put up with bad behavior. Make kids do 100% of chores after school (from age 5 and on) so parents won’t have anything to worry about when they get home from work. Most of all, withhold love and affection 99% of the time. Don’t talk to your kids unless chore related. Make everything business-like. Your kids will then become productive and competent in the real world.

    I wonder if you have children yourself?

    Your advice / conclusion is rubbish.


    A child requires attention with reasoning, from birth.
    This reasoning must be male & female in its balance.
    Follow this, without anger/violence , without fear, without
    domination of one sex and a pure heart will rise out of childhood as
    a result.( the spirit, plays its part also.)
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