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Urgent: Should I intervene?
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
I can hear one of my flatmates and her boyfriend having a fight. It's been going on a while now. I can't hear what they're saying clearly, but she's crying hysterically and he sounds like he's trying to calm her down. She was screaming at him to go earlier and insults.
Do you think I should try to stop them, or make sure she's ok, or just let them get through it on their own? I'm pretty sure we're the only ones here.
Do you think I should try to stop them, or make sure she's ok, or just let them get through it on their own? I'm pretty sure we're the only ones here.
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I did pop out, couldn't hear anything. I think they left the building.
Can't see the pavement from here.
I really can't read this situation. She's back, after a few days, covered in bruises. Today she mentioned she'll have to go to the police station because of an "incident" on Sunday. And yet, he's still coming here and seeming like the perfectly nice person he always seemed to be.
It's possible there's something I've misunderstood about the situation, or something a lot worse is going on. On the other hand, if it was like that, would she even admit that something happened or would she pretend that nothing had? So that confuses me.
Also, I've no idea if she knows I was here and did nothing or not. I feel like I should apologise but...
These situations can be very tricky but try to remember that you did nothing wrong – you weren’t sure what was really going on. At the end of the day they are responsible adults that are responsible for themselves. Of course with hindsight you’re left feeling confused and guilty about what you might have been able to do.
It's hard to know whether to call the police or get involved. Sometimes it's important to be able to help if you know something - and at the same time it's important to keep yourself safe. As Fiend suggests, if you’re feeling awkward and confused then having an open chat with her if you can find a moment might help to put you at ease as well as clarify things a little.
For advice on this situation and someone to talk to you might want to think about contacting Victim Support – they don’t just talk to victims but to anyone affected by a crime. You can talk to them in confidence and it’s free.
I get the impression you’re in halls at the moment is that right? There may well be a university representative that you could ask to speak to or student support services available through university where you could get some advice on things going forward, especially if you’re concerned about this guy coming in to your flat.
Finally, you’re more than welcome to start a new thread if you’d like to, don’t worry about cluttering the boards – as situations move on different issues arise so don’t ever feel bad about posting. We’re all here to listen and to help if we can.
Take care and hope you’re doing ok *hug*