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Urgent: Should I intervene?

Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
in Sex & Relationships
I can hear one of my flatmates and her boyfriend having a fight. It's been going on a while now. I can't hear what they're saying clearly, but she's crying hysterically and he sounds like he's trying to calm her down. She was screaming at him to go earlier and insults.

Do you think I should try to stop them, or make sure she's ok, or just let them get through it on their own? I'm pretty sure we're the only ones here.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you think it's turned physical or anything phone the police, otherwise probably leave them to it.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    No, I don't think so.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are they still arguing or has it calmed down?
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Some people just came and suggested she went outside for a bit to calm down. It sounds like they're all outside now but I still hear crying and calm voices.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe when it's calmed down a bit pop your head in and ask if everything's okay, but if there's people there trying to calm her down it should be okay :) Must be horrible for you to sit through though!
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Pretty much. Not being able to tell if she/they need help is worse though.
    I did pop out, couldn't hear anything. I think they left the building.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hopefully it'll all be okay. If they come back and start again I'd say ask them if everything is alright, but otherwise leave it :)
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks for the replies. I hope things will be ok, as much as possible.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    There's a police car and an ambulance outside :| Could very well be completely unrelated though. I see them parked nearby from time to time.
    Can't see the pavement from here.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try not to worry too much, I'm sure it'll all be fine. Maybe she phoned them, or as you say it could be totally unrelated.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Fuck. I don't think I should be posting about this. They just put him in the car.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, I think you need to tell the police what you know/heard.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    Someone was just up here to look at her room. He didn't ask me anything. But they know where to find me if they want to...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At least you know it's getting sorted now, obviously not a great outcome but hopefully it'll be resolved.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    That's true. Time to beat myself now, I guess.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You did absolutely nothing wrong, it was a really difficult situation to be in. You said yourself you didn't think it had become physical, you weren't to know at all how serious it was. It isn't your problem to deal with or worry about now, it's for the police to sort out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* Indrid. Don't beat yourself up about it xxx
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    I thought that maybe I should make this a new thread since the title isn't really relevant any more but I don't want to clutter the place. (Or maybe I shouldn't be posting at all? I'd like some opinions on this too)
    I really can't read this situation. She's back, after a few days, covered in bruises. Today she mentioned she'll have to go to the police station because of an "incident" on Sunday. And yet, he's still coming here and seeming like the perfectly nice person he always seemed to be.
    It's possible there's something I've misunderstood about the situation, or something a lot worse is going on. On the other hand, if it was like that, would she even admit that something happened or would she pretend that nothing had? So that confuses me.

    Also, I've no idea if she knows I was here and did nothing or not. I feel like I should apologise but...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should be open. Say you were home and you were worried.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Indrid Cold,

    These situations can be very tricky but try to remember that you did nothing wrong – you weren’t sure what was really going on. At the end of the day they are responsible adults that are responsible for themselves. Of course with hindsight you’re left feeling confused and guilty about what you might have been able to do.

    It's hard to know whether to call the police or get involved. Sometimes it's important to be able to help if you know something - and at the same time it's important to keep yourself safe. As Fiend suggests, if you’re feeling awkward and confused then having an open chat with her if you can find a moment might help to put you at ease as well as clarify things a little.

    For advice on this situation and someone to talk to you might want to think about contacting Victim Support – they don’t just talk to victims but to anyone affected by a crime. You can talk to them in confidence and it’s free.

    I get the impression you’re in halls at the moment is that right? There may well be a university representative that you could ask to speak to or student support services available through university where you could get some advice on things going forward, especially if you’re concerned about this guy coming in to your flat.

    Finally, you’re more than welcome to start a new thread if you’d like to, don’t worry about cluttering the boards – as situations move on different issues arise so don’t ever feel bad about posting. We’re all here to listen and to help if we can.

    Take care and hope you’re doing ok *hug*
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