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Eating habits deteriorating... *may be triggering to some*
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
:wave:
So I've almost always had problems with my eating, ever since I was 14, the year where the bullying got worst.
Since last year, I was purging, restricting, and exercising more. Clearly my metabolism was shit anyway so it didn't seem to bother me that I wasn't loosing a lot of weight.
As the months went on I used to be able to have a few days of 'normality' where I wouldn't worry about the intake, and I wouldn't purge.
Recently, it's got worst. I purge until nothing but water comes up, I get through 40 lax within 5 days, I'll have days of fasting, yet still taking lax. I don't know the whole reason in how I got stuck in this whirlpool. It seems never ending, yet, anyone I talk to doesn't seem to be bothered. While they're not bothered, it makes me think that I'm clearly over-reacting, and as I've done it for so long it's normal to me.
It seems to get worst when I have an argument, or when I'm in one of those funky low moods where the light at the end of the tunnel becomes further and further away. I don't even know what to do anymore everyone's given up, so I don't see a point in actually doing anything anymore. It's apparently ''pointless'' even talking to me. Could be why I'm a worthless human being, who's writing this for no reason.
Sorry guys. :crying:
So I've almost always had problems with my eating, ever since I was 14, the year where the bullying got worst.
Since last year, I was purging, restricting, and exercising more. Clearly my metabolism was shit anyway so it didn't seem to bother me that I wasn't loosing a lot of weight.
As the months went on I used to be able to have a few days of 'normality' where I wouldn't worry about the intake, and I wouldn't purge.
Recently, it's got worst. I purge until nothing but water comes up, I get through 40 lax within 5 days, I'll have days of fasting, yet still taking lax. I don't know the whole reason in how I got stuck in this whirlpool. It seems never ending, yet, anyone I talk to doesn't seem to be bothered. While they're not bothered, it makes me think that I'm clearly over-reacting, and as I've done it for so long it's normal to me.
It seems to get worst when I have an argument, or when I'm in one of those funky low moods where the light at the end of the tunnel becomes further and further away. I don't even know what to do anymore everyone's given up, so I don't see a point in actually doing anything anymore. It's apparently ''pointless'' even talking to me. Could be why I'm a worthless human being, who's writing this for no reason.
Sorry guys. :crying:
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Comments
I used to skip meals. At times I thought I was fat and ugly. I would be in pain from not eating, but I still carried on. It became my norm.
When I got help for all my other issues my eating improved. I'm still not 100% comfortable with my own body and I often wonder what I would have done if I didn't get the help I did.
Did it start around the same time as the bullying?
xx *hug* *hug*
When I was 14 I thought I was massive, I only weighed 6 stone. But I convinced myself I was fat and ugly because I didn't know why I was being bullied.
Was it something similar with you?
xx *hug* *hug*
No idea, I've always been the fat kid at school, I just guess it's got worst, and keeps getting worst.
But I was bullied for my weight a lot, which kinda pushed my confidence down..
*hug**hug*
They tend to pick on anything that makes you different. There was a little bullying when I first got them in primary, which dragged me down from the bubbly confident kid I used to be, so by the time I got to secondary I was already struggling.
I look back now and think how sad and small their lives must have been to make me feel so worthless. I know who I am now and nothing anyone can say will change that, I didn't have to believe their words, only my words, they made me believe lies.
You don't have to remember what others say, don't dwell on it like I did, see your positives.
Its okay not to be perfect because you're human. xx
Sweetie, as someone who also hates the big number, I want you to know that it doesn't matter. Mine was, at last check, somewhere around the 215-220 mark. I'm putting that there because I know yours won't be that high (because you're little, yes, but I need you to see that numbers are irrelevant). And because I know you would never think me fat.
The number means nothing. You are beautiful. People love you. I love you. And I'm here always.
Well, seems there's no one professional that I talk to who want to help, so I guess it's ''get through it alone'' time.
Have you tried a doctor? They may have some practical advice. xx
Have you tried this one:
www.getconnected.org.uk/
It says it's 24/7 email or by phone.
What do you think? xx
I think I'll just go back to struggling, hiding and bottling up. Or act completely normal again!
I emailed a counsellor this morning, when I decided it's got whay out of hand! Hopefully get a reply, if not, life goes on an all x
With some time and the right help it can be possible. xx