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Do i stay or do i go?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, when we first got together everything was perfect, i had a job, still saw my friends and was all round smiley! I left my job because i didnt like it there and was unhappy. Out of the blue i suddely started feeling different towards my boyfriend and having doubts about our relationship. It was awful and would make me cry everyday. I told him how i felt and it turned out everything in my life seemed dull. I went to the doctors and he refered me to a thearpyst, i was told i had servere depression. This was about 2 months ago now. Im having congnitive behavour thearpy to try and help me. I love my boyfriend loads and I remember being so happy with him and content but now i feel like we've got nothing and we're going nowhere. My mum has said i could feel like this because i have no job, no college and dont see much of my friends so i have nothing else to blame how im feeling on? I sometimes have better days when i feel a little positive about us then days when i think i'd be better on my own. I've just applied for college and so has he (he doesnt have a job either) so i hope it helps our relationship a little bit. On days we dont see eachother (such as today) i've been out with my dad then met my mum from work and had a little walk, i felt positive! but when i get a message from him i kind of feel deflated? its horrible because i just want my normal feelings back! im scared i'll have to leave him behind and get on with my life. He is very supportive and sticks by me, he knows everything i am feeling and often finds it hard as to why i dont feel the same anymore i could cry writing this. I just wanted other peoples opionions on the situation. does anybody think getting a job and a better social life will help our relationship? or have we had our time? also why do i feel deflated when i get a message from him? we still have a normal sex life and i still naturally hold his hand, only recently have i started not wanting him to kiss me so much. I HATE how i feel SO much!
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Comments
Many of us will find that when our friends & family, work or study and relationships are all going well that we feel at our most content. If one or more of these things start to fall down then it can be really tough and we can focus all our attention on the things that aren't working. Right now it sounds like you have a lot of time to perhaps over-think your feelings for your boyfriend and worry about what's going on? In turn that means that every interaction you have with him you're super aware of how it makes you feel which can lead to these worries about what you 'should' be thinking or feeling right now. Does that sound familiar? This kind of cycle can be really frustrating and exhausting!
Going back to college and filling up your life again with purpose and things that make you happy are likely to take that pressure off your relationship and you may find that things start to look up. It's really positive that you're being pro-active both with the therapy and with applying to college :thumb:
Ultimately, yes feelings can change but only you can figure out how you feel about your boyfriend. You mention you still have a normal sex life which is a good sign. How would you feel about spending some quality time together? Make a plan for a date night or to do something special together? That feeling of deflation might be that you know you can't be the smiley girlfriend at the moment.. maybe you feel guilty about that? You mentioned in one of your other threads about planning a holiday? Do you think you might still want to do that?
Let us know how the college application goes and try to be a little kinder to yourself if you can. Give yourself some time. Sometimes it can feel like our emotions are in control but take things a day at a time and bit by bit you'll figure it all out *hug*
Listen to Pink - Leave me alone and you'll probably start feelign much better good luck.