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Issues with best friend/housemate
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been living with my best friend for 2 months-ish and although I love her to bits I'm getting so upset with her. Normally she's so lovely, really caring, does more than her share of chores and stuff. But she's been telling me she's really down again (she's on a fairly high dose of antidepressants after 2 suicide attempts last year), and that she was contemplating suicide again. That worried me for starters - shes had multiple bereavements, a huge relationship breakdown, plus she has a life long illness which causes her to be in pain a lot.
Then she's been chasing after men all day every day - and after telling me that she thought that this one guy was too messed up for a relationship, I got a text late last night from her saying they are an item. I'll say there is a possibility I'm slightly jealous but I mainly feel worried and pissed off. We're living like a family rather than housemates and yesterday we were cooking a roast together until this guy calls and she just dropped everything for him. It's not the first time this has happened and I find it really hard to plan my day if she just goes out and doesn't say when she'll be back.
I feel like I'm being sidelined, and that hurts. I'm also really worried about her and I don't know what to do.
Then she's been chasing after men all day every day - and after telling me that she thought that this one guy was too messed up for a relationship, I got a text late last night from her saying they are an item. I'll say there is a possibility I'm slightly jealous but I mainly feel worried and pissed off. We're living like a family rather than housemates and yesterday we were cooking a roast together until this guy calls and she just dropped everything for him. It's not the first time this has happened and I find it really hard to plan my day if she just goes out and doesn't say when she'll be back.
I feel like I'm being sidelined, and that hurts. I'm also really worried about her and I don't know what to do.
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What's the actual issue? As a one off she decided to talk to the new guy she's seeing for a bit part way through cooking dinner? Or is there something more? Are you worried about her, or worried about you, or don't know what to do now your one friend is socialising more?
I've been pushing her to go and have a life of her own, I'm just worried it revolving around someone else whos also not in a good mental state. What happens when they have a wobble? Is she going to try and commit suicide again? She said only 2 days ago that she'd been contemplating it!
I'm aware that I'm a little envious that she has someone romantically interested in her and that I am pretty lonely when I haven't got anyone around and I'm left on my own for days at a time (she didn't come back for 2/3 days last time - and thus didn't take her medication for that amount of time either), but I think thats reasonably understandable! I'm mainly worried about her and how shes going to fair - if this relationship is going to become her emotional barometer like the last one did, and if there is anything I can do to help her.
If I get lonely, its not the first time, and thats just something to suck up and deal with, but thats not what I'm really worried about right now - I'm scared her relationship could become co-dependent and she could end up in a much more emotionally fragile state than she is already.
I have a feeling theres not much that I can do and I'm just going to have to hang back, let her make her own mistakes and be there if she needs me.
I think this sums it up, i'm sure she is perfectly aware that she should take her medication and the consequences of missing doses. Let her be, you can only address what's making you frustrated when she's willing to listen.
My big sister instints are kicking in but I don't think theres anything I can do
rather than
does that make more sense
(yes I have just pasted from wikipedia rather than explain *hangs head in shame*)
On your issue, you probably do need to hang back. She won't thank you for your efforts.
This might be the only time people who have a hard time finding partners (mostly men, in my vicinity) have the advantage.