If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Nude ex photos
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel I am being fair and rational about the situation but I just want to hear other opinions.
In short, I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months and when explaining something the other day he showed he a photo to help explain. Whilst finding the file, he turned the computer away+told me it was so I didn't see photos that might upset me. He told me that there were pics of his ex that I'd probably not want to see because they're dirty and told me the name of the folder they were in.
In short, I've looked since so see how 'hurtful' these photos might be and there's pretty much everything I wouldn't like to see, including home porn movies and stills.
I don't have a problem with him having pics of his ex, memories are memories but I don't understand why he feels he needs to keep the smutty ones. I could understand if he'd forgotten he had them but he knows they are there+has even told me they are there!
Before I had a peek I had mentioned that I don't understand people having dirty pics of exs as that's something to delete when the relationship was over, so he knows I don't think it's right that he's got these pics yet he still keeps them.
Am I being irrational feeling hurt that he still has these+thinks it is fine. I'm not the greatest fan of the mental image of him sitting there wanking one out over her.
Also, I want to tell him how it's making me feel because as a result I'm feeling really insecure and am not acting as I usually do around him, which he's picked up on. I really don't know how to broach the topic, but realise I have to to make us ok.
Advice please!
Thanks
In short, I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months and when explaining something the other day he showed he a photo to help explain. Whilst finding the file, he turned the computer away+told me it was so I didn't see photos that might upset me. He told me that there were pics of his ex that I'd probably not want to see because they're dirty and told me the name of the folder they were in.
In short, I've looked since so see how 'hurtful' these photos might be and there's pretty much everything I wouldn't like to see, including home porn movies and stills.
I don't have a problem with him having pics of his ex, memories are memories but I don't understand why he feels he needs to keep the smutty ones. I could understand if he'd forgotten he had them but he knows they are there+has even told me they are there!
Before I had a peek I had mentioned that I don't understand people having dirty pics of exs as that's something to delete when the relationship was over, so he knows I don't think it's right that he's got these pics yet he still keeps them.
Am I being irrational feeling hurt that he still has these+thinks it is fine. I'm not the greatest fan of the mental image of him sitting there wanking one out over her.
Also, I want to tell him how it's making me feel because as a result I'm feeling really insecure and am not acting as I usually do around him, which he's picked up on. I really don't know how to broach the topic, but realise I have to to make us ok.
Advice please!
Thanks
0
Comments
I do think he's a bit stupid to have let you know they existed at all, let alone tell you where they were.
Being as you do know, he should now get rid of them.
:yes:
I wouldn't delete naked photos unless it was a horrible breakup, and I wouldn't expect anyone to delete photos of me either (I put enough of them up on fetlife for me to not care that much about them getting public). Of course, if you ask him to and he says no, then he's being disrespectful and a dickhead.
orly?
Damn right. I'm HOT, yo.
Or they're hot and it was a nice, friendly break up because the relationship aspect was a bit shit, but the friends-with-sex aspect was awesome.
That's not really a serious relationship though is it? I'm talking about a serious long term relationship that broke down, it's wasn't overly nasty but at the end of the day if he chose not to have me in his life anymore then he shouldn't be keeping intimate pictures of me. But if you know that they won't care (don't assume), then fine. But by default I think you should delete them out of respect anyway, then it saves the hassle of future partners finding out about them. Also I would be a bit weirded out if a guy was really blatant about it and told me where they were so I could find them, it would make me wonder if he was playing some sort of mind game to see how jealous I'd get. That's just me anyway.
You didn't specify that it had to be a serious relationship. And that's a bit of a massive assumption, actually.
Well I have specified now that I was referring to a serious relationship so sorry if I wasn't clear. So I think they should be deleted when you break up anyway if that's the case. If it's a fuck buddy then yes I see why you keep them but if you're heading towards a new relationship and your new partner isn't happy about them then they should deffinately be deleted. Hope that's better.
It could be that he thinks he's being kind in telling you and not hiding it, rather than doing it in secret, so don't be too hard on him. But do ask him to delete them. Keeping porn on the computer is one thing- only in his dreams will he get to sleep with the porno girls- but keeping pictures of girls you had a relationship with is quite another.
Is it the sex pictures or the ex-wife bit that would upset you? Just curious.
As I see it, having pictures off mucky websites is quite OK just so long as the pr0n doesn't take over from the proper sexing. But pictures of friends or exes is a big massive no no.
Yeah same. Having said that I was guilty of not deleting photos of my ex but I had simply forgotten they were there. Current girlfriend was nosing through my photos files and found an unmarked file. There's a lesson in that, of course, don't open unmarked files!
Anyway, they were swiftly and forever deleted.
The fact its his ex wife.
I couldnt give two hoots about porn, but if it was his ex wife or girlfriend or someone he knew in real life, but especially an ex, then it would be a big issue for me and i would insist on it being deleted
You shouldn't feel like that.
If it bothers you, then you should say something, but if it doesn't, then it doesn't matter.
Of course, knowing you, if Johnny still had any photos of me you'd probably just nick them
The reason I say immature is because it reminds me of an ex I used to have - he was an a-hole and this isn't meaning to paint your bloke with the same brush, but he made a point of saying he had similar things of exes, making it evident that he was intending on keeping them by making it clear where they were. He was immature; using it to get me peeved, to wind me up. Completely insensitive and showed that we were just kids at the time and he was a bit of a prick.
A person who cares about you wouldn't want those images and would want to show they sincerely want to be with you by making a point of deleting them. They wouldn't make a point of making you feel uncomfortable or testing your boundaries. By letting it slide at that moment, you almost made it ok for him to be disrespectful. He 'got away' with keeping smutty pics of his ex when any man with an ounce of decency would make an effort to be rid of them. Ask him to get rid of them. You're not being unreasonable - they're not a necessary part of your relationship and it is disrespectful to make such a point of keeping them.
I know it's easy to forget what's on your computer sometimes but the fact that he quite obviously knew would piss me off and I think he should get rid of the pics. There's obviously a reason they're not together any more, why would you want a constant reminder of it sitting on your laptop?
heh..*shush!*
I guess my curiosity would win and i'd want to see them before deleting, women are beautiful