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I can see the benefits of medication, but I don't want to end up not having feelings. I've already been warned that just because I'm not on medication now doesn't mean that it will stay like that.
I haven't said this to anyone, because they will think I'm an awful person but I'm scared that when she is born, I'm not going to love her enough. I'm scared that she will bring back memories which I want to block out and pretend never happened.
You say medication will block out your feelings, has that happened before?
Are you able to talk with your doctor more to understand what the side effects are of medication and it maybe you cant take any until your little girl is born.
Having a baby is a unique experience, i am not saying you will know what to do or love the baby completely straight away, but there will be feeling that are over whelming and will grow with time. You said your scared she may bring back painful memories, those memories are what brought her into the world, there always with you, may be its those memories that will need to be faced before your able to move on completely with her. It will be scarey but you`ve got this far, your very brave:)
Take care
If you found the medication was doing that, youd need to change it. Thats not what theyre supposed to do.
When I was on medication it didnt block out my feelings, it just calmed me down enough to be able to function
Dont let it go too far. Its not just yourself youre responsible for now.
I don't think Ella will mind me saying this, she's been fast tracked so it will take less than 5 weeks. x
My boyfriend is just sat watching me. He won't talk to me and he won't come near me. I tried to say sorry. He won't leave because he doesn't trust me and I want to be by myself.
They wouldnt be called antidepressants if they made you feel worse
You havent failed. Youre still here. Youre still getting through the days, but if you dont step up and get some proper help then youre not going to be in any place to look after your baby properly. How many weeks pregnant are you? You need to go back to the doctors so you can get something in place and taking effect BEFORE bubba gets here, so you can be a better mum.
This can be easily treated if you actually accept treatment
32 weeks.
I didn't get a choice, my boyfriend made me go this morning.
What did the doctor say today?
Im so relieved for you.
Youve taken a huge brave step, and i know this was very difficult for you, but youve now taken that first step towards recovery and getting some control back over your feelings.
Im not surprised youre feeling a bit raw and vulnerable. Try and take it easy and be gentle on yourself. Dont give yourself anything to do for the next few days that isnt essential and put as little pressure on yourself as possible
thinking of you, and you can pm me any time you like if you need to talk xx