Home Health & Wellbeing
At The Mix, we want to make our services as helpful as we can. To do this, we’d love to ask you a few questions about you, your visit to The Mix and its impact. It should take only about 5-10 minutes to complete. Take this survey and get a chance at winning a £200 Amazon voucher​.
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Sign up here

how to help an alcoholic who isn't willing to accept help

MixBotMixBot Posts: 8,656 Automated Account
how common is death caused by alcohol?

the reason i ask is because i am very scared that my mum is going to die soon. my mum is an alcoholic, a bad one.

she has got to the point where nobody can help her. she has had allsorts of help offered to her but she won't accept her. her family are trying to support her as much as they can but you know, its really hard.

i saw her today after not seeing her for a while and i was very shocked/upset at what i saw. i hate to say it but she looked half dead. i saw her at 9am and she was there drinking from a bottle of lambrini. she is skin and bones. she looks like a skeleton. i have never seen someone so skinny. she is 5'6" and weighs just 5 stone and 10lbs. she looks awful. she hasn't eaten in weeks and is refusing to eat. all she wants to do is drink. nobody can get her to eat.

she has aged about 20 years in a year, she looks seriously ill and pale in the face, lots of her hair has fallen out, her mental health has deteriorated immensely. she isn't with it at all and isn't the person i know at all. her behaviour actually scares me. she is a danger to herself and other people and i am seriously wondering why she hasn't been sectionned?

my mum is only 46. she is too young to die. despite everything, she is still my mum and i love her. i don't want to lose her.

she is refusing any sort of help. she has had so much offered to her but she is at the point where she simply doesn't care. her family are being as supportive as they can be. what else can we do?

what are her chances? i am really worried :( just not sure what i can do to help someone who isn't willing to accept help. what are we supposed to do? just sit here and watch her slowly kill herself?

bah. so sorry for posting this. just don't know who to talk to about it.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all *hug*

    It's hard to help somebody when they won't accept they need help in the first place. Truthfully when I worked on ITU we nursed a lot of patients who had damaged their bodies through excessive drinking and well, unfortunatly, it rarely ended well :no:

    Have you spoken to other members of your family about this? Is there anybody that can try and talk to her? Maybe get her to go to a doctor?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey blah blah blah,

    *hug*

    So sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like a really scary situation to be in, seeing a parent like that, and one in which you probably feel pretty helpless. One thing which sounds positive to me from your post is the way you say that your whole family is being very supportive. That's so important - it can sometimes feel futile to try and help someone who doesn't want to help but if you're all willing to keep trying then that's really hopeful. It also means that you can share the burden - caring for someone with an alcohol problem can be a pretty thankless task, as it sounds like you're experiencing.

    Have you heard of an organisation called Al-Anon? They're an organisation for families of alcoholics who hold regular meetings throughout the UK where people can get together and share their experiences. Maybe you could give them a ring and find out a bit more and where your nearest meeting is? Their website is www.al-anonuk.org.uk and their number is 020 7403 0888.

    Hope this helps and please do feel free to keep posting - that's what we're all here for.

    Take care,

    Cat x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all *hug*

    It's hard to help somebody when they won't accept they need help in the first place. Truthfully when I worked on ITU we nursed a lot of patients who had damaged their bodies through excessive drinking and well, unfortunatly, it rarely ended well :no:

    Have you spoken to other members of your family about this? Is there anybody that can try and talk to her? Maybe get her to go to a doctor?

    were any of them as young as 46? :( i'm really worried she is going to die from malnutrition of something. she is refusing to eat and states that everything that she tries to eat, her body rejects.

    she has been to her doctor and been offered help by her doctor. she isn't willing to accept this help. she has also had help offered to her through social services and again, she is refusing this help. she is at the point where she simply doesn't care and none of us can convince her to get the help she needs. she knows she has a problem but doesn't care.

    i'm just really scared she's going to die.
    Cataska wrote:
    Have you heard of an organisation called Al-Anon? They're an organisation for families of alcoholics who hold regular meetings throughout the UK where people can get together and share their experiences. Maybe you could give them a ring and find out a bit more and where your nearest meeting is? Their website is www.al-anonuk.org.uk and their number is 020 7403 0888.

    no, i haven't heard of them. thank you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone doens't want to be helped then there isn't much you can do.

    Is there an underlying cause? you could look at that.

    If you think she is killing herself you could look into getting her sectioned.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, she isn't killing herself intentionally if you get me. she is drinking because she wants to drink. not sure if you can section someone for that?

    there are MANY underlying causes. however, there isn't much we are can about those causes. lots of help has been offered to her but again, she is refusing that help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    were any of them as young as 46?

    in 2006, there were 133 deaths due to alcohol amongst every 1 million women aged 35-54 (there were 12 per million in women aged 15-34, so it can happen before 46)

    source

    the figures exclude things like accidents due to being drunk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can imagine how you feel Blah Blah Blah. My mums got drinking problems as well. Thought she'd kicked it before she emigrated but she started again when she got there. Made her heart and liver problems worse.

    Like Big Gay said, you can only help and addict if they want help. Just keep trying to get your mum to seek help and support her as best you can.

    Sorry if this post isn't much help but I just hope you have better luck then we did.

    take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, she isn't killing herself intentionally if you get me. she is drinking because she wants to drink. not sure if you can section someone for that?

    Whilst I doubt you can section someone for drinking, it might be possible if she's a danger to herself or others.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do recommend Al-Anon or some kind of consultation for those affected by alcoholics.

    The alcoholics I know would most rather drink themselves to death than face their problem. In my opinion the ONLY thing you can do is work on your own emotions and feelings because it's quite common that people close to alcoholics start seeing and behaving in quite twisted ways and end up suffering a lot because of it. You can't dish out endless support for a person that doesn't want it and a lot of the time people unintentionally enforce the behaviour.

    I think in the end, most people have to accept that they can't help unless the help is wanted and that basically the only thing you can do is let them know you don't want to participate in their self destructive behaviour but if they take steps towards improvement your support will be available. Otherwise just back off (easier said than done).

    You must feel horrible watching your mum like this and I don't know how long you've had to live with her problem (don't know how long term/recent it is) but I sympathise as my bloke's mum is an alcoholic and has been since he was young. Sometimes he does the strangest things and behaves in really odd manner when it comes to her so I can see firsthand what being affected is like! I don't know how often I've had to put my foot down to stop him from doing something stupid. He hates it but is now after two years starting to thank me for helping him stand up for himself when it comes to his mum, ha!
    His brother has done Al-Anon meetings due to their mum and in a year is a totally different man, it's been great to see the burden come off his shoulders, he's happier and more confident now than when I first got to know him. :)

    Good luck and take care of yourself. This won't be easy but as long as your mother is in denial and refusing to do anything it's best to put yourself first.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heya,

    Hugs. My uncle is in a very similar position to your mum from the sounds of it. Bizarrely getting pneumonia was one of the best things for him, because for a while he was too ill to go out and buy alcohol, and had to stay in bed, take his antibiotics, and actually ate some of the food he was given.

    We've been going around in circles for years, making very little progess I'm sorry to say. Sometime he gets on OK with AA, but that needs some enthusiasm from the alcoholic, worth remembering for further down the line to keep things better if progress gets made.

    Only thing that might help is the occasional set of blue lights, police have said they could section him if he was in a public place rather than at home, on the logic that he'd be a danger to himself.
  • LauraOLauraO ********* Posts: 535 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi blah blah blah,
    Just wanted to pop in and see how you are feeling today? *hug*

    There are a few articles which I thought you might find useful to read which show that you are not alone in dealing with this problem with your Mum. This question on our AskTheSite service is very similar to your situation so the answer might help. There is also this article and video about living with a drinker.

    As Jaloux said its also very important to look after yourself during this difficult time too. Cataska mentioned Al-anon and you might also like to check out an organisation called Adfam which is mentioned in the article above. Their website has some very useful articles relevant to your situation.

    Hope things are looking a little brighter today, and please do keep posting *hug*
    Take care,
    Laura
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you for the replies everybody :heart:

    i'll write a proper reply when i have time.
Sign In or Register to comment.