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i dont know if i will really post this...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
because i started writing it. deleted it all, and apparently started again....
yesterday i was at a party, a really good party, live music, dancing, cheap drinks, all was perfect. when it ended for me, i dont know maybe around 4 i was super duper wasted. i went home and have little recollection. all i know was i was afraid of something. I was so direly afraid of something i cried. and even tho i might cry just a little bit more than the normal, average man, this was outlandish. I have wounds on my hands of constantly falling over and having the chisel ram into palms. I got lost and remember stopping some random dude, crying to him, begging him to take me home. I think he was from the balkan crusing around looking for gay men, but i dont really know anymore, it doesnt really matter anyway.
I got home. I was so afraid of everything and nothing. I called a friend who was very supportive. told me i should take the radio into my bedroom and listen to music. I cried, i have no recollection why, and i dont think i had any reason either.
i woke up like an hour ago. went to the shower, thinking this weird shit is all over, but i called a friend to tell her this and it started again. i bawled the everliving shit out of me, and i dont know why. I have no reason, i just feel like i am losing my sanity... here it goes again... i bawl... i dont know why, i dont know. i didnt take any drugs or anything.... and i am mostly sober now, i think i breached through a barrier i have never before. i reached my breaking point. i am completely going insane. i dont know why. there is just nothing there, nothing changed from yesterday. yesterday was usual normal boring timewasting fun. i called another friend who is rushing to my place to look after me. god bless my friends. the first friend i called, called me just now, giving me two options either i come to hers or she comes over to mine.
i dont know whats wrong, i really dont. but i cry, I am afraid, and i dont know....
i had to get that out..
yesterday i was at a party, a really good party, live music, dancing, cheap drinks, all was perfect. when it ended for me, i dont know maybe around 4 i was super duper wasted. i went home and have little recollection. all i know was i was afraid of something. I was so direly afraid of something i cried. and even tho i might cry just a little bit more than the normal, average man, this was outlandish. I have wounds on my hands of constantly falling over and having the chisel ram into palms. I got lost and remember stopping some random dude, crying to him, begging him to take me home. I think he was from the balkan crusing around looking for gay men, but i dont really know anymore, it doesnt really matter anyway.
I got home. I was so afraid of everything and nothing. I called a friend who was very supportive. told me i should take the radio into my bedroom and listen to music. I cried, i have no recollection why, and i dont think i had any reason either.
i woke up like an hour ago. went to the shower, thinking this weird shit is all over, but i called a friend to tell her this and it started again. i bawled the everliving shit out of me, and i dont know why. I have no reason, i just feel like i am losing my sanity... here it goes again... i bawl... i dont know why, i dont know. i didnt take any drugs or anything.... and i am mostly sober now, i think i breached through a barrier i have never before. i reached my breaking point. i am completely going insane. i dont know why. there is just nothing there, nothing changed from yesterday. yesterday was usual normal boring timewasting fun. i called another friend who is rushing to my place to look after me. god bless my friends. the first friend i called, called me just now, giving me two options either i come to hers or she comes over to mine.
i dont know whats wrong, i really dont. but i cry, I am afraid, and i dont know....
i had to get that out..
0
Comments
I know its really hard to concentrate and calm yourself down when you are so worked up but if you can find a comfy spot and try to concentrate on your breathing it may help, you just ned to take deep slow breaths and stick with it for a while you should begin to feel calmer.
If you have a friend there they could hold your hands and do it with you.
Also you need to get to a doctor even though there may be nothing physically wrong with you the reassurance of that doctors opinion can be helpful in calming.
Maybe you should consider asking for a sedative or something to completly relax you.
I'm not a doctor of course and what you are going through may be nothing at all to with panic it just sounds like it might be.
I really think you need to ask for professional help though if it carries on before you get trapped in a vicious circle of being on edge and not sleeping.
I t may be worth asking a friend to phone around see if anyone else from the party had any effects it could be some twat was spiking drinks.
but I would also listen to Louisek and check with a friend to see if they had anything similar
hope it helps
Sounded scarey, well done to your friends for their support.
Glad you are safe now xxxxxxxxx
That sounds really disconcerting x
hugs
I guess it's not as easy as it sounds, however.
Are you ok at the moment? Do you feel stable? Strubs, we've all been there, all been swept along with the fantasy and romance and desires of life. And, we're all had it turn on our heads and leave us feeling upside down. feeling upside dosn is unfortunate but normal.
more hugs
I used to get feelings of impending doom on occasion, usually either when out drinking somewhere with loud music or when I was having a burger in Mcdonalds, but that was from taking too much coke.
After my post I made a few calls and talked to friends, so I am actually quite fine, but I of course want a solution to this and not just some temporary fix.
I guess I will seek some (non-romantical, non-sexual) diversion, because a big enemy is thinking and overthinking. Basically thinking about stuff, trying to interpret my wants and desires, build up unrealistic hopes. Once infected with the wrong thought it won't leave me alone anymore and this can change my well-being rather quickly.
Adrenalin as you know puts your body on alert for fight or flight, your brain is fooled into thinking you are in danger and should be running away hence the panic.
You can imagine how much sugar is in all the alcahol and party food you are you going through at the moment
Maybe you are right and watching your consumption may help.
Also, are you sure your drink wasnt drugged at some stage? It could be any combination of potent shit that leaves you wasted for days.
Living alone blows -_-
yea, that's over, as long as I'm sober.