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Accepting people you live with
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
After five years in London living with various people, I think I have finally come to terms with the fact that I cannot live with individuals any longer.
Current flatmates are driving me mad... They constantly go on about cleaning (well two of the three), but I never see either of them clean (and I am always cleaning up after them), one of them refuses to live with black people and she literally throws a fit and screams if you leave a dish to drain overnight, if the hoover is at the wrong angle or if you leave a cup in the living room (I think she must have mental health issues, or just like to shout at people)...
I really can't stand living here longer than I have to (I'll be able to get out early next year thank god), but know that I probably won't be able to afford my own place and am worried about living with people even more controlling...
I think what I need to do is learn to accept people I'm living with... Now I'm aware my previous living situation has made me not like other humans that much, but at the end of the day unless I wanna move back in to my Mum's, I'll have to learn to crack on...
I just want to relax after work, rather than sit down and eat dinner and have somebody complain at me to do the dishes before I eat...
Any advice on being tolerant? I really can't take a lot of stress in the winter and this place I feel like I'm walking on egg shells...
Am I being a dick about things?
Current flatmates are driving me mad... They constantly go on about cleaning (well two of the three), but I never see either of them clean (and I am always cleaning up after them), one of them refuses to live with black people and she literally throws a fit and screams if you leave a dish to drain overnight, if the hoover is at the wrong angle or if you leave a cup in the living room (I think she must have mental health issues, or just like to shout at people)...
I really can't stand living here longer than I have to (I'll be able to get out early next year thank god), but know that I probably won't be able to afford my own place and am worried about living with people even more controlling...
I think what I need to do is learn to accept people I'm living with... Now I'm aware my previous living situation has made me not like other humans that much, but at the end of the day unless I wanna move back in to my Mum's, I'll have to learn to crack on...
I just want to relax after work, rather than sit down and eat dinner and have somebody complain at me to do the dishes before I eat...
Any advice on being tolerant? I really can't take a lot of stress in the winter and this place I feel like I'm walking on egg shells...
Am I being a dick about things?
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Comments
They can't have a go at you about cleaning before eating if their things are still dirty.
i.e. today flatmate came in and I could hear him saying "tidy up" because I left my bowl and pan out to drain when I went to the gym... BUT then to leave them out to drain, I had to put all his stuff away.
Still, I just wanna learn to accept people, rather than get annoyed.
Hopefully the next place you move to you can suss things out a bit more beforehand and find a better match/normal housemates.
I'd rather live with older women, I think... I don't live as well with men, or with people in their twenties...
But guess I'll have to see.
This is the thing... The place before this was worse... One of my flatmates was obsessed with me, wanted to sleep in my bed with me, lied about a tumour, lied compulsively... The other also lied compulsively, could be aggressive (though in retrospect I think he's just socially stupid) and was insanely controlling...
I need to learn to just be able to deal with people, as I am either very unfortunate, or have some kinda poor judge of character...
I don't really feel safe around men, since the last place and the way things went... I wish I could afford to live alone!
How much time did you spend with people before moving in? For me, I had a look round the place, then went back one evening to meet all of the housemates to have a chat about ourselves and also about how they live - e.g. cleaning, cooking etc. And then we went for a drink a few days later. Time consuming but I think helped us all make sure we'd be ok living together. I also had a chat about the person moving out to see how they'd found it. I think making as much effort as possible when looking for somwhere to see what the people are like helps in the long run.
For example, I was rinsing a can and left it to drain and got told that I shouldn't do that because last time the guy cut himself on a can I left out (I mean c'mon... a 30 year old man, not a baby)...
It's all really weird...
At other times it's fine and atm, I just ignore them if it's going on. I don't understand how people can be secure and so... Naggy.
But they're always blaming each other behind backs, sending Emails and stuff... Me and another woman are just bored of it... I've told them now, if they want to talk I will only respond face to face.
How can I not get driven crazy by this? Just until the spring...
cleaning rota is a good idea and at least you will feel like you are making an effort. but i'm gonna assume they will do what my housemate did and ignore it, leaving everything to you. but then on the other hand it's good to have something in black and white that was mutually agreed to show that you are doing your bit and that they are the ones fucking up. it is painful to see the place get untidy but do NOT do their stuff, they need to learn somehow.
There's nowt as strange as folk, and there's no way I could live in an environment like that. I'd look for somewhere else, or as Katralla says, just be abrupt and matter of fact about it as and when it occurs.
just do your Own,
if they say anything turn round and growl and say u gotta fucking problem cus if u have i'm ready for ya ( do it in a mad weird pscho kinda way) they might think ohmygod nutter best leave u alone :d x
i know how you feel, i live in a shared house that is the same, there are four rooms but at the moment there are about 10 people, i have lost count. and they are messy thank god i am moving out before christmas a year is long enough, they flood the bathroom and i am always having to clean up pee of the toilet seat before i can do it is just digusting, the guy opposite out room really annoys me, he is always having a go at me and my partner for not cleaning, when we do it all, and empty the bins all the times and supply the bags, no one will clean the cooker after they use it so now is really vile and we dont even use the hob
they will never empty the bins even when they full, i have have never seen them do it or take out the rubbish, i hate that they have a go at me but they never clean, double standards like all thier saucepans and everything still lying around dirty.
he have new people living down stairs and they talk so loud that at night will keep me awake, but the guy opposite is the worse and the most digusting and think he runs the house when women do. but i put signs up saying not to do certain things because of my asthma and instead the people down stairs smoke and the guy upstairs sprays air freshner for 5 minutes right outside my door despite there being no smell what so ever, instead of paying respect the rules i have in place for a reason they took the sign down and put it in the bin
As has been said people can be weird. The latest addition to our house kept putting the heating on full throughout summer. She takes 3 long showers a day (normally when people need to use the bathroom to get ready for work despite her not being at work that day) and wants to call the police because she thinks I'm smoking weed in my room (it's incense!) She also does her washing at 3am because 'it's the only time' she can do it which wakes me up as our washing machine is really loud and knackered.
I don't really know what the solution is. Possibly finding another shared place (somewhere cheaper if possible so you can save money to get your own place eventually), but I just wanted to say you sound like a decent person to live with and that you're not alone.
Have suggested a book, where we log what we clean (though the response from the guy was a passive aggressive "only if we all clean to the same standard" whilst I was cleaning up after him)... People have agreed to that and I am happy, as frankly I'm tired of cleaning up after people.
I am just gonna move out asap... I am sick of living with a posh boy wanting to be a cop and a woman who gets obsessed with cleanliness... I am starting to wonder if they have some kind of mental problems, or an issue with me. My male flatmate has become a real dick since starting police training, bragging about all these fight moves and how he'd arrest his housemates if we broke the law... lol wtf
It's just a bitchy, horrible place to live with self-absorbed people who just want an excuse to complain.
I just gotta find a way I can put together a deposit and move the hell outta here, but then saying that my other house mates could be just as neurotic... I just wish we weren't in this economic rut, so I could maybe move out, get a job elsewhere and have my own place!