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Detest being gay

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let things calm down for a bit, you could always visit him in person to talk to him, if you think he wouldn't attack you or anything, that is.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Avizandum wrote: »
    I told him that I am gay. He didn't believe me at first, then when he got that I wasn't messing around he got up and sat at the other side of the room for the rest of the evening and it became rather awkward...I don't know if that's good or bad. I text him this afternoon to check details for something we're both supposed to be at tomorrow and he's normally very quick at responding to texts, but 5 hours on he hasn't replied. I tried phoning him as I really need to confirm the details for tomorrow, but he rejected by call.

    Thank you! This gives me something to go by. :)

    Well, its obvious that he may be in shock but it seems that he has overreacted - but that can be expected.

    What I suggest you do is text him again and say something like this :

    "Because I haven't heard from you, I feel that I have upset you with my revelation about my sexuality. If you have found this hard to deal with, you can't even begin to imagine how difficult this has been for me. Me being gay isn't 'catching' and neither should you feel that I 'fancy' you. I am essentially the same person I have always been. I felt, as your friend, that I could at least be honest and confide in you without being judged in any way. It is, therefore, very upsetting for me that you seem to have reacted in this way. All the evidence suggests that being gay is not a 'choice' and it certainly doesn't make me a bad person. Being gay is only a small part of who I am and, if you have appreciated our friendship thus far, then the fact that I am gay should be immaterial to you. I told you about my sexuality but I would never shove it in your face. Just as I wish you all the happiness in the world, I would hope that you would wish would be the same for me. If I lose you as a friend over this, both our lives will be detrimentally affected. Your friendship has always meant a lot to me and I hope that you come to terms with this quickly. I feel I am the same person as I was before I told you and I truly believe that you are a good enough friend to overcome any prejudices that you might have, and see that I am still your friend and that nothing has changed."

    Obviously, you may like to change some things to suit your style and circumstances.

    Remember, if he does reject you, he never was a genuinely good friend anyway. Best of luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm trying to imagine what I might have thought if my best girlfriend had revealed she was a lesbian ... Teagan has a point. Depending what was said, when I was younger I probably would have run a mile. These days I'd probably just say f**k off, I'm straight - and, hopefully, we'd both have a laugh. Your friend probably thought that, by saying you were gay, you were coming on to him. You need to quash that idea, if it isn't the way you feel. Like Teagan suggests, you need to get over the idea that you are exactly the same guy you were before, that you are finding this difficult to come to terms with, and that you hope you can continue to be friends, just like you were before ...

    Whether or not you want to put all that in a text message is another matter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whether or not you want to put all that in a text message is another matter.

    Yeah, that would be one massive text. Email instead maybe? :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    or even a handwritten letter...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your friend probably thought that, by saying you were gay, you were coming on to him. You need to quash that idea, if it isn't the way you feel.
    I agree. My biggest issue when I was coming out was trying to find a nice way to tell all my friends that they're not that attractive :-P

    I know it sounds odd, but I think people assume you have an ulterior motive for telling them and therefore assume you're hitting on them. The strangeness of human nature.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tried talking to him and I sent him an E-mail explaining everything. He replied to my E-mail and told me to fuck off, that I was sick and if I ever come near me again he'll kill me as that's what queers and poofs deserve. I'm quite shocked...I never knew he had such homophobic views.

    I seriously made a big mistake telling him.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not convinced it was a mistake.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't want to be friends with someone homophobic. Although you have lost your friendship, it wasn't a true friendship because he didn't like you for who you are, and was a complete tosser!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Avizandum wrote: »
    I tried talking to him and I sent him an E-mail explaining everything. He replied to my E-mail and told me to fuck off, that I was sick and if I ever come near me again he'll kill me as that's what queers and poofs deserve. I'm quite shocked...I never knew he had such homophobic views.

    I seriously made a big mistake telling him.

    Don't think of it as a mistake , why would you want to be friends with someone who is so bigoted he actually can't like you for who you really are , i know it hurts but really you are better off without people like that in your life.
    I came out as transgendered to my family and very close friends a while ago and to be honest i have lost the love one or two people along the way including my dad which as you can imagine still hurts me.
    Shortly i will take the next step and will sharing my plans with the rest of my circle of friends i fully expect to get some negative reaction there will probably be some embarrased and indiffrent reactions but the people that accept me for who i really am are the ones that i want to be a part of my life.
    You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about you are you and there are plenty of people who don't give a damn about your sexuality but will like or love you for who you are.
    Good luck and don't let the ignorant dickheads get you down.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Avizandum wrote: »
    I seriously made a big mistake telling him.

    As others have said, you haven't made a mistake.

    This would have come out with him at some stage, even if it was in years to come. At least you know now, that you no longer need to waste any emotion on a vacuous friendship with someone who is just a complete and ignorant arse.

    You will come across people like this from time to time but, thank goodness, these days most people will be fine about it. Don't let this incident get you down. Use it to make you stronger. You did the right thing. Seriously.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Avizandum wrote: »
    I tried talking to him and I sent him an E-mail explaining everything. He replied to my E-mail and told me to fuck off, that I was sick and if I ever come near me again he'll kill me as that's what queers and poofs deserve. I'm quite shocked...I never knew he had such homophobic views.

    I seriously made a big mistake telling him.

    As others have said, you didn't make a mistake. It is your (ex-)friend who is mistaken. Straight or gay doesn't matter, I myself wouldn't want to associate with someone with such extreme views. I'd drop him like a hot coal!

    There is another possibility. He might have just been deeply shocked and may come to reconsider his views of you, and homosexuality generally, over time. I think we all mellow with age. But I'd put him and his ridiculous attitude out of your mind for now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My biggest concern is that he'll go and tell others and I don't want that. Out of all of the people I thought about telling he was the one I thought I knew the best and could trust. Turns out that was a huge mistake.
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