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Am Lost
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Am lost at the moment i am really struggling with 2 beautiful babies.
I have suffered Bulemia for nealy 16 years sometimes its worse than other times but at the moment its awful, my self harming has also crept into my life again to and i just feel so allown. I am 30 and live with my partner who is 30 years older than myself, we met whilst we lived abroad when life was very fast with drugs and drink. We left abroad and returned to were he lives up North after i was raped. Drink helped numb the pain for a while but ended up running my life for a while it just dulled the pain and bad nightmares i had started having. Once i found out i was Pregant i stopped taking any form of recreational drug and drink and everything seemed good for the first time in my life that i can remember, after she was born i struggled found it really difficult to leave the house. No friends no family support and my life lacked youth and excitment. With me off the drink the nightmares got so server that panick attcks began and have never stopped from that moment, this is why its easier to stay in doors than go out the thought of leaving the house myself makes me feel physically sick. My partner has no idea of the extent of mental health he thinks am just clumsey when i have cut myself and how av not ran out of excuses lord only no's? I have 2 girls now 1 at the age of 2 and one at the age of 6 months, i love my girls with all my heart and wouldnt want anything to hurt my girls including if i take this problem to far they could end up with no mum and that would be just the worst thing i could imagine for them, i should no my Dad was killed in a horrific accident were he was working on the railway and they forgot dad was on the tracks and reversed a freight train right over the top of him so i no whats its like to loose someone close to you but i just cant seem to pick myself up from were i am at the moment, some people may call me selfish ar an attention seeker but this is pushed to the back off your mind when you start to punish yourself \:
I have suffered Bulemia for nealy 16 years sometimes its worse than other times but at the moment its awful, my self harming has also crept into my life again to and i just feel so allown. I am 30 and live with my partner who is 30 years older than myself, we met whilst we lived abroad when life was very fast with drugs and drink. We left abroad and returned to were he lives up North after i was raped. Drink helped numb the pain for a while but ended up running my life for a while it just dulled the pain and bad nightmares i had started having. Once i found out i was Pregant i stopped taking any form of recreational drug and drink and everything seemed good for the first time in my life that i can remember, after she was born i struggled found it really difficult to leave the house. No friends no family support and my life lacked youth and excitment. With me off the drink the nightmares got so server that panick attcks began and have never stopped from that moment, this is why its easier to stay in doors than go out the thought of leaving the house myself makes me feel physically sick. My partner has no idea of the extent of mental health he thinks am just clumsey when i have cut myself and how av not ran out of excuses lord only no's? I have 2 girls now 1 at the age of 2 and one at the age of 6 months, i love my girls with all my heart and wouldnt want anything to hurt my girls including if i take this problem to far they could end up with no mum and that would be just the worst thing i could imagine for them, i should no my Dad was killed in a horrific accident were he was working on the railway and they forgot dad was on the tracks and reversed a freight train right over the top of him so i no whats its like to loose someone close to you but i just cant seem to pick myself up from were i am at the moment, some people may call me selfish ar an attention seeker but this is pushed to the back off your mind when you start to punish yourself \:
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Comments
Even print this thread off if you can't find the right words.
Everything can be ok, but you need to seek the help you need x
Do please seek help so the kids can have a happy healthy mummy x
I know these words cant help much but maybe the thouight that some people are thinking of you will help raise a smile.
Take Care xxx
Is your husband really blind to what you are doing or is he just in denial about it, maybe he is scared to bring up the subject as well i do feel you need more support from him or someone else close to you.
Keep us posted and i hope your appoiment on the 8th goes well.
Take care and stay safe
XX
How about your friends from where you lived before is there not anyone there you can confide in.
Stay strong and take any help offered.
I am sat here in my house the now feeling isolated and lost no friends and awful depressed and cant see any other way out of this black hole. My children deserve to grow up in a happy enviroment and this isnt one with me and i cant snap out of it. I have written the girls letters explaining that i am ill and love them with all my heart. I am just lost and have no way out of this i hate myself for feeling this way.