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Breaking up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey all.
I broke up with my girlfriend of four years the other night. It had been brewing in my mind for a while - basically, I had decided that she wasn't The One, and therefore it was unfair on both of us to keep it going. Over the last few weeks I became more sure about it and after talking to my mate and my mum, it made much more sense to do it. So I did. And she took it pretty badly - she hadn't seen it coming at all. She got very upset, a bit angry, and after a short while asked me to leave.
Anyway, that was Thursday night and it's now Sunday night. There has been no contact since. I would like us to be friends in future but being apart is going to take some getting used to.
Basically, I'm looking for advice on what I should be doing in the short-term. I think the best idea is to give her a couple of weeks' space and then get in touch by text or email to say hi and see how she is. But I'd never been in a long-term relationship before so I'm not sure. Any ideas?
Cheers.
I broke up with my girlfriend of four years the other night. It had been brewing in my mind for a while - basically, I had decided that she wasn't The One, and therefore it was unfair on both of us to keep it going. Over the last few weeks I became more sure about it and after talking to my mate and my mum, it made much more sense to do it. So I did. And she took it pretty badly - she hadn't seen it coming at all. She got very upset, a bit angry, and after a short while asked me to leave.
Anyway, that was Thursday night and it's now Sunday night. There has been no contact since. I would like us to be friends in future but being apart is going to take some getting used to.
Basically, I'm looking for advice on what I should be doing in the short-term. I think the best idea is to give her a couple of weeks' space and then get in touch by text or email to say hi and see how she is. But I'd never been in a long-term relationship before so I'm not sure. Any ideas?
Cheers.
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Comments
However, it is very important that you do drop her a line to see how she is, because if you don't she might jump to the conclusion that you don't care which will hurt her even more.
So I guess it is about finding the right balance.
Hope this makes sense/helps.
Yeah, those are my thoughts exactly. And a week sounds fair enough. I'll send her an email on Thursday. I don't want to phone in case we start rowing. Actually, one of the hardest parts of this is that we hardly ever fought throughout the whole time we were going out. I don't want to start now, but I know it's going to take her a while to get her head round it. I'm sorry I've hurt her, but I'm also sure it was the right thing to do.
Thanks Kaz.
I have to agree and give you a virtual round of applause, the way you are treating this is one of the best examples out there that not all guys are twats,
back to your original post, I would say contact via email or text is best to begin with, it is harder to row as you said and also less personal eg she shouldn't get mixed signals about it, A week is a good amount of time but then I wouldn't be all chatty eg 4/5emails bouncing back ever hour (I made this mistake several years ago) the odd email 1/2 a day "Hi, How are you? I want to be friends? you upto much?" nothing to personal, obviously leave any plans that you might have with regards to the opersite sex out of it as that always causes a shit storm, (again I made that mistake) but at the end of the day any friendship will be down to her and whether or not she can bare being around you, be prepared for it to take several months for her to be even remotely ok ith you.
And thanks for the nice comments by the way!
if this is the case, i would leave it at least a week from now before you ask her how she is. Possibly longer.
Also, if you act all perfect and understanding she might well be even more upset cos she realises what she has just lost. There isn't really an easy way to do it!
when she's ready, and then leave her. Let her come to you when she's ready to be matey. You can be friends in the long run, but right now she just needs some space to work through it all.
It's shit to watch someone you care about hurting, even if they're not someone you want to be with anymore, but the best thing you can do atm is leave her alone
this completely :yes:
Exactly. Leave the ball in her court now and move on. Best of luck, dude. :thumb: