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By all means, tell him you feel but DON'T do anything with him (even hold hands) until he has made his mind up about you and dumped his girlfriend, should he so want to.
I have a feeling though, that you're going to be used and abused by him if you continue this inappropriate relationship with him .. and will get short thrift from us when you come back on here wanting advice on how to sort the mess out.
It's clear that you KNOW that you are in the wrong about your tactics in getting him. Just remember, what goes around, comes around.
*hugs* tbh - it sounds like this guy has really got to you and when someone says, as you have, they don't care where they get attention it usually means they don't rate themselves very highly and could do with taking some time to think about self esteem. All the things you're doing are pointing towards the fact that you don't realise you deserve better than this.
While I still totally agree with what Olive says, another thing that is worth thinking about is that this guy isn't the be all and end all. You say you don't want to date other guys to make him jealous as you don't like the thought of using people. However, has it occured to you that dating other guys might just be the fun distraction you need and could mean you get to meet an even better guy who isn't already attached? Easier said than done, but try and forget the jealousy side and the idea that other guys won't be as good as him. By the way he's been behaving (at the moment) suggests there really is bigger fish to fry - distance will allow you to see this.
Take care and keep posting.
Getting attached to him before he has the mindspace to consider ending things with his current girlfriend to start anything with you or anyone else probably isn't going to help anything become clearer any time soon. If you want attention, maybe line up a few dates. But if you want him, for more than just something casual, then do the same in the meantime (and because you want to, not to make him jealous) then see how the situation is with him in a few months time.
Pretty much the only way you can get what you want, is to talk to him, and to tell him you'd lik to take things further. But be prepared for him to tell you he just doesn't see you that way
But like Helen said, I put up with it because I had low self esteem and was prepared to put up with any amount of shitty treatment to be with him, in whatever capacity suited him. But think about it - he's stringing you and her along, and loving it. He doesn't care about how his actions hurt you, and clearly doesn't care about his girlfriend either. Spend time with other friends, try to feel happy and confident in yourself, and you'll soon put him behind you and find someone more worthy of your time and affections.
yeah but youre gay. If you were doing all that with a male friend i doubt it would feel so innocent
Yeah, that's not always true.
When people leave a relationship for another relationship, just cause it's another relationship, then yeah, they will often do the same thing again. But when they leave for the person, it works.
Imagine you were in a relationship that wasn't really working, you were kinda miserable, but not really on the point of leaving. Then one day you meet the love of your life, who maybe is in the same situation as you. Would you pass up the chance of real happiness in favour of your current relationship just because it pre-dated meeting the One?
I mean, I'm not sure this is what's happening here, it sounds more like this guy is just ego-boosting with the OP's feelings, but I don't think it's right to condemn every relationship abandoner in the same way!
Sometimes you just know that the new person is better than the old one and it all works out.
This is true but if I was miserable, I would leave the relationship anyway.
If I met the love of my life while with the person I thought I had loved, I wouldn't sleep with the new person until I had ended the previous relationship. The OP sounds like she is prepared to cheat with the guy she fancies and if he does cheat with her while he is still in his other relationship, then chances are, he will be bound to cheat on the OP too, which is what I think NavyBlue was attempting to say.
A lot of people I know - which I don't really understand or support in that matter - don't do this. They rather have a relationship for the sake of a relationship, be miserable, but keep going on.
Do you quit a job, just because it sucks? Somehow you kinda need it. But if you have a interesting offer from another company it might help your decision.
For the OP: Talk to the guy, if he is really unhappy with his girl then think about it, but be warned: you will probably hear what you want to hear (like on here, you are just filtering out, that doesn't criticize you). If he says, "well she is a chore sometimes." Don't be all, OMG, he dislikes his girlfriend, Strike!
If he is genuinely worried about where his rlship is going and it's just dragging him down, then you might go for it.
You heard the general consensus: rather don't do it, but if you insist on it, make sure you are not just some wench on the side.
I'd have liked to think I would, but in reality it turned out that I needed a kick up the arse.
I don't think she was, and I think that's an opinion a lot of people hold, when in reality it depends on a lot of factors. Just because you leave someone for another person doesn't mean you'll leave the second person, if you picked the second person for the right reasons!
I agree with you that it's a bad idea to sleep with him, and I wouldn't, and I also agree that this particular situation doesn't sound like the kind of situation I'm defending, but I think it needs to be said.
when the shit hits the fan with his gf (and it will if u decide to keep doing things u know arent ok with a taken man) u are the one that will be portraid as a bitch, and he'll probably throw u down the river to save himself in her eyes. i think that if he really likes u he'd have left her by now.
often taken men have this kind of flirty behaivour because they like to know they are still attractive to ppl other than their gf. he knows u like him - can promise u that much, but he's still in his relationship.
u need to set bigger boundries with him. stop sleeping in the same bed, u know its not ok and you're getting your feelings hurt. if he confronts u about it tell him it's not appropriate, and u could onl do that with a single guy (there's a big fat hint for him in there
poor u. i know how confusing it can be, but u know sleeping in the same bed isnt appropriate even if he doesnt. i hope this made sense
as you all no if you have been reading, im at uni and currently on easter holidays which would mean a break from the guy i like. so weve been txting each other over the holidays, as you do, just seeing how each other are and stuff and i feel quite lucky as im the only one of our group that he has bothered to talk to over the holidays but i didnt want to read to much into that. anyway the other day he txt me randomly saying he wanted to come visit, obviously i was really happy about this because it was him that initiated it entirely. so he arranged everything to come visit 2tomorrow and genuinly seemed excited. now him coming to visit is quite a big deal because he would be driving 5 hours to see me when he hasnt even bothered talking to the rest of our friends, let alone go and see them. he txt me a couple of times throughout the week saying how excited he was and stuff and today we spoke on the phone for about 20 mins, just catching up and seeing what time he was coming tomorrow, and again he said he was really looking forward to it. so as you can imagine i was excited to see him and couldnt wait til tomorrow. then i get a phone call saying he has bad news and that he cant come coz he has to work so now im like totally bummed out and kinda upset, maybe a little angry but at myself mainly for getting excited about it. i dont think his gf knew about the visit and part of me thinks that she found out and wont let him go or something but thats just probably me being paranoid.
i feel like such an idiot for letting myself get excited about seeing him and im just really upset i guess. he offered to come and see me sunday instead and take me back to uni but i was a little angry at the time and said id probably be busy, which is probably a bit childish. omg i actually feel like such a prick..HELP!
If it were me, I'd bite the bullet, just ask him does he see a future for the two of you. He won't be expecting that & if you catch him off guard you'll get his true reaction. I doubt he's going to leave her though, he has it too cushy, having her & toying with you. BY the way, who gets a call for work at the last minute. It's bullshit! You've got to look after yourself hunny & take back control.
after reflecting on the night i think i totally missed my oppotunity for something to happen and im so confussed, i feel like im constantly getting mixed signals and i really dont no what to do. im feeling more and more like a bitch to his gf but i really cant help how i feel or his actions. your probably bored of reading about this by now but i really dont feel i have anyone i can talk to about it so any advice you have id be really greatful.
- Put and end to it of him toying with you.
- Stop assisting him being a manslut to his girlfriend.
- read the first pages of advice again.
- take the advice, instead of ignoring it and it will do a world of good to you.
He was politely asking for a bit on the side there I'd say. Yes given the chance he would definelty have sex with you, but then he'd be back to the girlfriend. :wave: I know how hard it is when you really like someone, but he's a teenage boy with hormones all over the place. I think he drove 5 hours to take you out, get you drunk (successfully)sleep in your bed (sucessfully) and It isn't coz he's afraid of the dark!):banghead: & try it on. BUt why is he not leaving her? You need to ask him straight out, whats the story? But I think if he's capable of doing this to you, he'd do it to you too with someone else. It happened me, where this guy left his girlfriend for me, only because I wouldn't be the other woman, but he went back to her again, it's never worth it!
If you think the situation you're in now is a headfuck, just wait until you sleep with him. He won't break up with his girlfriend for you, like others said he wants you on the side. So if something did happen you'd be even more jealous of the other girl than you are now and you'll get even more obsessed with him which will destroy your life for a while, trust me.
But to answer the original question, if you want something to happen it's quite simple; next time you sleep in the same bed, go naked.
yeahh, i dont think its her either! i think this was a real poster.