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Would you tell the spouse?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Having read KymC's thread, it made me think alot, and I'd just like to say I dont mean any disrespect to her situation at all.
But if you were in the situation where you found out your other half was secretly married, would you feel obligated to tell the husband or wife?
If my friends knew I was being cheated on, I'd want them to tell me, so surely the husband/wife would feel the same and would want to know, and as someone involved I would feel guilty and like it was my responsibilty to let them know what a cheating pig their husband/wife was. Anyone agree, or do you think it wouldn't be your place to get involed?
But if you were in the situation where you found out your other half was secretly married, would you feel obligated to tell the husband or wife?
If my friends knew I was being cheated on, I'd want them to tell me, so surely the husband/wife would feel the same and would want to know, and as someone involved I would feel guilty and like it was my responsibilty to let them know what a cheating pig their husband/wife was. Anyone agree, or do you think it wouldn't be your place to get involed?
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What I'm not sure is whether I'd include any personal information (like my name or a photo of us as proof -for all I know the other half is some kind of psycho who'd blame me and maybe hunt me down) or just an anonymous letter.
I guess however, if it was anonymous the cheater could easily say "Probably some wacho sending letters around trying to break people up" so it would be useless to send it. Hm...
Now if it was a close friend and his/her partner was playing away then I'd say that was a different situation.
I have been in that exact situation, where my ex cheated on me, eventually he broke it off with her and this didn't sit well with her so she rang the landline and told me all about their affair. Although I knew it wasn't her fault if she didn't know about me and it was my ex to blame, I hated her for telling me. I don't know why really.
Then again 'blissfully unaware' is the key phrase, if to the them the marriage is perfect then surely it would do more damage to reveal the affair. Liek you said it depends on the person and how well you know them.
But that's on the assumption that the wife would want to know. There are some women who would prefer not to have known and would blame you for her finding out. A strange attitude to take but it does happen.
Exactly.
Also i had a friends fiancee (my boss) giving me the come on, texting me all the time etc. I put a stop to it, told him if he ever did it again i'd beat the living f**k out of him and tell everyone. I didn't tell my friend as i felt uncomfortable, embarrassed, didn't think she'd believe me etc. Unfortunately my "friend" then found the phone records, asked me about it and i got the cold shoulder about not telling her but she stayed with him anyway. As she has done through the next couple of women/young girls he did the same thing too. Even though some of these girls told her what he was doing, people told her he was cheating etc. but the girls always got the blame. So no, honesty doesn't always pay because a lot of the time people don't want to hear it and also then need a scapegoat.
Well i got sick of being people's scapegoat and also getting grief and hassle for being honest. So nowadays i just don't care. Unless it was my very best mate i wouldn't tell anyone.