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Drink is ruining my life and my marriage
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic but I do enjoy a drink, the problem is I don't know when to stop. I often come home and I can barely walk, I fall over, I don't remember anything from the evening and more often than not the next day my friends aren't talking to me an neither is my husband. I go out about once a month but I get totally wasted. I use to be a size 18 so part of it is I think I can still drink the same as I did then and now I'm a 10/12! The thing is it isn't just the drinking it's being unfaithful as well. I love my husband very much but he never wants me and I just feel like I am living with a mate and not a husband, I seem to have become his mother replacement! I work full-time and I am the bread winner but I still do all the housework and look after my daughter! We have sex every three months and it is just sex, I get no pleasure out of it at all and to be honest I just can't wait for it to be over. I have started binge drinking when I go out and then on my way home I call in on this other guy and stay with him for the night but tell my husband I stopped at a mates. I tried talking to my husband ages ago before we got married, I told him I couldn't cope with the lack of affection, sometimes he won't even kiss me and that really hurts, I'm not on about a public snog, I'm on about a public peck on the cheek or lips goodbye. He won't talk to me about stuff even though I have tried approaching it from different angles. I don't feel like he finds me attractive anymore and I have even stopped eating regular, I have lost a stone in three weeks because I thought maybe he thinks I am fat and that is why he doesn't fancy me. I have tried dressing up and lots of other things but he just isn't interested and if I try to talk about he often ignores it or he'll turn things back on me and so it's my fault or that we have different sex drives. I have called on this other guy three times now and my husband and I haven't even been married a year. I think also that all my other relationships have failed and so I am ruining this one myself to stop myself from getting hurt. I don't want to lose my husband but I do wish I hadn't married him because he doesn't deserve this. I hate this person I have become and I am so scared that I will lose him and my beautiful daughter. I often think though that if I didn't have my daughter then I wouldn't have married him but then I look at him and I know I love him but maybe we're just not in love with each other, maybe we have become so comfortable with each other that never us want to leave. I also feel I am third in line 1 Daughter 2 His Mother 3 Me! That really hurts too. I don't know what is wrong with me I never use to be this horrible person. I also tried to snog one of my female friends the other night and then got aggressive when she turned me down! Am I that desperate for affection that I'll try to get it from anyone? But only when I have had a drink, I wouldn't dream of doing anything while I was sober although the problems are still there the inhibitions are too. If there is anyone with a similar experience or just some good advice that would be great, I don't really want any judgemental as there are only two people who can judge me, myself and God and I can guess what God is thinking!
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Having said that it sounds like he has bigger issues and you do need some outside help.
It will be a hard road, giving up the alcohol; I've been there. But, succeeded. So can you.
IMO if you are drinking and don't know when to stop, the drinking is a problem although it might not be the "Whole problem"
Counseling may help. It is worth a try.
Very helpful with his drink problem, paragraphs solve everything.
I base this on the fact you had serious concerns about the relationship before you married, he ignored them and you married anyway, the fact you let him not do anything round the house and even support him financially. It sounds like this guy's got a pretty good gig going with you, free living and all he has to do is half heartedly fuck you once every three months. He doesn't even have to pretend to love you anymore he's got you trained so well. You even think he deserves better! Low self esteem? Try no self esteem. Respect your self, for your daughter's sake.
PS: Don't tell him you cheated, ever. Just stop. You have no excuse for doing this, you're an adult and able to control yourself. The issues in your marriage probably can't be solved by talking, but you need to try. Cheating won't be helped by talking, just stop doing it. It demeans you and your husband.
well they solve the reading problem.