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G/friend doesn't believe in sex till after marriage
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
Help. My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex until after marriage, shes Catholic. Shes the best thing thats ever happened to me.
To be honest, if a happy marriage were guaranteed, then i'd probably wait. However that simply isn't possible and i can't help but think:
What if i wait 1,2,3 years etc. What if i ask her to marry me and she says no and wants to wait another year, then another year. What if we finally marry and its miserable yet i've spent all that time waiting. What if when we finally get married she has a none existant sex drive?
As i say, if a happy marriage were guaranteed, i'd probably wait. However if any of what i put in the previous paragraph proved correct, i'm not sure i could cope emotionally, i'd have so much hatred towards her it would be unbelieveable, and i'm talking chain saw weilding hatred.
It feels as though by agreeing to wait for sex, i'm in effect handing over control of my life to another person, so much so that she would be able to destroy me emotionally at the drop of a hat should she desire it. Don't get me wrong, to date shes been the most honest, faithful, loving partner i could hope for, but most of us know all too well that people can change very very quickly.
Andy
Help. My girlfriend doesn't believe in sex until after marriage, shes Catholic. Shes the best thing thats ever happened to me.
To be honest, if a happy marriage were guaranteed, then i'd probably wait. However that simply isn't possible and i can't help but think:
What if i wait 1,2,3 years etc. What if i ask her to marry me and she says no and wants to wait another year, then another year. What if we finally marry and its miserable yet i've spent all that time waiting. What if when we finally get married she has a none existant sex drive?
As i say, if a happy marriage were guaranteed, i'd probably wait. However if any of what i put in the previous paragraph proved correct, i'm not sure i could cope emotionally, i'd have so much hatred towards her it would be unbelieveable, and i'm talking chain saw weilding hatred.
It feels as though by agreeing to wait for sex, i'm in effect handing over control of my life to another person, so much so that she would be able to destroy me emotionally at the drop of a hat should she desire it. Don't get me wrong, to date shes been the most honest, faithful, loving partner i could hope for, but most of us know all too well that people can change very very quickly.
Andy
0
Comments
Thanks for your comment. We've been together 6 months, i'm 28, shes 25. No, i don't feel sex is essential from the start, after all, i've waited 6 months !!
The comment you make about:
'At the end of the day she's unlikely to change her stance on that (rightly so)'
Is one which bothers me, after all, if its right that she shouldn't change her stance, you therefore agree i should change mine in not wanting to wait?
Thanks
Andy
Why the hell would you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend if you werent going to be fucking them for years???:eek2: Makes no sense to me at all.Plus,its going to be shit sex when you get down to it and personally Id find it very uncomfortable and full of pressure when we finally got down to it,so god knows how the girl would feel!
End of the day mate you have to decide whether you want to wait,its your life and you have to do what you want to.You cant live waiting for someone else who may not always be there anyway.
Good luck with whatever you decide.:thumb:
Hey
Thanks again. To be honest, i think its more i feel resentful over the fact that i have to agree to her wants while feeling like mine are being ignored therefore making me feel what i want isn't important to her rather than simply not wanting to wait until marriage.
Andy
i know this sounds harsh, but what do you value more, your values or her? if you are willing to change your's then fine, but i wouldn't...
From my point of view, I don't think a relationship with such fundamental differences would work out in the long run. If she takes her Catholic faith so importantly that she's willing to wait 25 years and more not to have sex, she obviously thinks of it pretty seriously and it will affect other fundamental areas of your married life that you wouldn't necessarilly agree with - how to bring kids up etc...This would just cause resentment in both parts. You sound very unsure that the idea of marriage would work out between u guys also - and dont seem to really trust that your relationship is strong enough to endure this - if I were you I would do both yourself and her a favour and end the relationship before compromising each others values causes resentment and heartache on both sides.