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I agree with this, but I think that's a different issue.
I would have no problems going out with someone who was wheelchair bound but who still lived a relatively 'normal', independent life, but if they had significant problems and needed constant specialist care, I admit I probably couldn't. That's not aesthetics, though, just that it would take a special kind of person to be able to cope with that, and I'm not that person.
Agree with all of this.
Dunc you dont have to "buy it" its the truth for me and thats that. Why is that so hard to understand? i have no reason to lie.
Everyone is different, yeah there are some shallow people out there, alot infact, but there are also alot of people who aren't. Most of the non shallow ones have grown up and may have been at one point. Then they learnt what really mattered.
It didn't put me off him, I wasn't at that stage ready to be sexually active with anyone so we didn't go all the way but I was so hot for him.
I have to agree with Olive and the other posters that say it's all about the clicking.
It's impossible to say who you will click with, you could meet the most stunning woman on the planet who didnt fit with you or someone more average and totally be blown away.
I met a guy a few years ago and we made friends, we both denied any attraction because of our circumstances for years but everyone who knew us was convinced we were seeing each other, eventually we are and it's great. It is because we clicked, it was obvious to everyone and their grandma's apparently that we were perfect for each other.
I would not have picked him in a million years if you have given me his profile on a dating agency site or a friend tried to set me up with him. He is attractive, cute and sexy but in a different way to the men I would normally swoon over. His hobbies and intererests on paper sound so far removed from mine I would have thought we would not have anything in common.
In actual fact we have a very similar sense of humour, our personalities compliment each other and it was only through getting to know him that I fell in love with him. His personality was the hook that got me to discover him and open my eyes to how physically attractive he actually was. It's all part of a very large package and if one piece of it was different maybe it wouldn't work and the thing that makes it feel right wouldn't be there.
1. On the 'clicking' thing, there are a lot of people I have platonically 'clicked' with. The chemistry has been great, and they've said themselves its so amazing they've never clicked so well with someone and had so much in common etc - and as a result nearly always they just want to be friends, they give me stuff like "We click so well, that's why I want to be best friends with you, right now I only date guys who I don't care so much about, you're someone special, friendship's so much better than dating" which has made me so, so angry, bitter and frustrated. Happens all the time. :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:
2. On twinklestar's lovely story about falling for someone because of their personality, it makes perfect sense, I just feel the majority of people start going out with someone after they hook up at a bar/nightclub, or have a date introduced through friends etc - and in such a situation you have to surely be pretty physically attracted to them to agree in the first place, their true colours personality will only shine through later on, by which point you more likely wouldn't be going out with them.. or if they're friends with you, quite often its hard to turn years of friendship into dating.
3. On the wheelchair acid test, I'm ignoring things like if they need intensive care, I just mean the fact they're physically in a wheelchair would be enough to put off I would say the majority of people in this country from going out with them. I don't mean if you've been with someone for years you love and they suddenly become wheelchair bound, I mean going on a first date with someone. Would you be comfortable being seen hand in hand with them, going out places with them? Many of you will no doubt say yes but I'd think a lot of people really wouldn't - however nice they are, why go out with them when there's millions of other fish in the sea of which some you'd also like...?
I don't mean to offend anyone. Part (1) of the above may explain why I'm so fucked off.
I think he has self confidence issues about it though:(
Looks are fairly important to me too, but i dont think scars necessarily ;look bad. Whilst i do need to fancy someone and have strong physical attraction, that doesnt mean i need airbrushed perfection, in fact that doesnt really interest me.
I've actually met this great girl since I posted this, so I guess I answered my own post lol, theres atleast one who will go out with me.
Thanks for all the responses.
But on those grounds thenm only very attractive people would ever have sex.....
I've had relationships with several guys who no one would look at across the street and say 'Look, he's fit' but I've adored them as a person overall and thus they've been very attractive to me. I suspect that's how it works for a lot of people.
Also on personality I don't think its that fixed - like I can be very loud/social/outgoing, or quiet/shy/anti-social depending on my mood.
But all of those build up to your overall personality.
If you're asking people out who don't know you that could well be why you're getting so many knock backs. Generally it's nice to know someone a little bit before going on dates with them.
I'm not shallow and I dont need a relationship to be happy prehaps?
Not everyone thinks that if they arn't getting any theres something wrong with them you bellend. :yeees:
Where has that come from? Fair dos if you have a conflicting opinion, but insults aren't needed to express that.
Glad you've found this thread helpful Reason109
Honestly I think I'd jump at the chance because there's few people I meet who I do that 'lovely' connection with. But it's different from person to person, of course, just thought I'd throw my 2p in
I know this thread has gone quiet now, but just to say this third point has been offending people - something you should take into account - even if you say you don't mean to offend anyone, it doesn't mean it won't come across as offensive.
Awwww that is to cute
Best of luck!