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Any women out there who would go out with a scarred guy?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm 20, I've asked out 12 girls before, but always got "em..no sorry" and "I'd love to be friends though!"

I was in an accident 4 1/2 years ago, I have a scar running from my lip to my left eye, and then from above my eyebrow for about another inch.There is also a V shaped scar on the right of my chest, and some smaller ones scattered along my torso.

People tell me not all girls are like that, that they don't say yes or no depending on how a guy looks.The ones I have asked out have been decent, nice, funny and smart people, but all said no.

I'm still confidant upbeat person, but it does get old when people are always staring at me at parties, the pool, in college.

I was just wondering are there any women out there who would even consider dating a guy who has these disfigurements?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think there are plenty of women out there that would not have a problem dating someone with scars. At the end of the day they're part of you and the right sort of lass will appreciate this and love you for it. Maybe the girls didn't say no because of the scar, maybe it was just because they felt like you hadn't clicked.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah i would if i liked the person in other respects. scars wouldnt put me off in themselves
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scars wouldnt matter to me at all if i liked someone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tweety wrote: »
    Scars wouldnt matter to me at all if i liked someone.

    Me neither, not at all
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My husband has scars all over his arm and chest

    Hence being called 'girl with sharp teeth'? :)

    To the OP, I am sure your own view of your scars is worse than what other people actually see. I don't think you scars would be a problem at all ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to consider myself really shallow and that no, it'd put me off. Then I grew up a little and have since found myself fancying a bloke with a huge scar running down his face. It's not the only time I've fancied someone who doesn't look like a Baywatch actor. What the guys normally have in common is self confidence. A scar or something can also be sort of charming if you're into the person. :)

    I think if it's something you're quite conscious of then other people might perceive it in a negative manner even if you yourself consider yourself to be a confident person in general. Also it's easy to put the blame on something like a scar if things aren't going so well. I've always been a little overweight and even if I've lost a lot of weight I still always blame all my relationship failure on the fact I don't look like a skinny model. I know it's not true but I still always go back to that reason if I'm feeling bad about something not working out. It's difficult to change!

    Just keep at it and never give up! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my boyfriend has a deep scar on his nose which was actually a dark scab when i got together with him!
    if they really like you, how you look wont matter
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some woman are turned on by scars.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You won't like my answer, and some will disagree, but I generally feel that girls (and guys), however 'nice' or 'lovely' or 'genuine' they are, try and get the best they can get. So, if you have it all and can get whoever you want, you'll get with someone similarly 'perfect'. If you can't get someone 'perfect' you'll get someone with 'defects', of increasing seriousness the further down the 'pecking order' they are. There are millions of 'great catch' fish in the sea, so why would someone want to go out with you when there's plenty of alternatives who don't have such noticeable scars, unless your personality / charm etc is absolutely off the hook? Not saying this to be mean, its just how I think life works, I have a minor-ish disability myself and think its enough to put off some girls I'd otherwise be able to get. How many stunning girls would date a guy in a wheelchair, and vice-versa? A tiny number not because these people are horrid, but why settle for that when they can have someone without that 'issue' to deal with? If the scars are noticeable (you say people stare at you) I think you'll have to face up to the fact you can't get girls you should otherwise be able to and therefore 'lower your standards'. Other people will disagree and say how scars won't make a difference, but if you've asked out 12 girls and every single one's said no then something's amiss.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scars can be sexy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Scars can be sexy.

    If I was having surgery, I'd get them to stitch me back up to make it look like a shark bite. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I was having surgery, I'd get them to stitch me back up to make it look like a shark bite. :thumb:

    Just for me? :flirt: I'm touched.

    To the original poster... I think feeling self conscious about your appearance is something a lot of people do and we often question if people will like us or not because we somehow fit outside the mould which society tells us creates beauty.

    As for the girls who turned you down...

    As GWST said, you appear as if you have lower confidence and that matters a lot. I was also wondering, do you chase women who in some way are unobtainable (or that you view as such)?

    You also could just be a really nice guy, or friends with them for so long they couldn't imagine being anything else. You could be a bit clingy, you could be too much of a friend to them and they're afraid of losing you...

    Heck, it could be a number of factors.

    That's not to say you're a bad person... But there are several reasons why a woman might turn a guy down. I don't mean beat yourself up about it... I mean look at your behaviour and take a bit of time for introspection and work on your self confidence.

    Besides, you could be really hunky and rogueish looking. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    You won't like my answer, and some will disagree, but I generally feel that girls (and guys), however 'nice' or 'lovely' or 'genuine' they are, try and get the best they can get. So, if you have it all and can get whoever you want, you'll get with someone similarly 'perfect'. If you can't get someone 'perfect' you'll get someone with 'defects', of increasing seriousness the further down the 'pecking order' they are. There are millions of 'great catch' fish in the sea, so why would someone want to go out with you when there's plenty of alternatives who don't have such noticeable scars, unless your personality / charm etc is absolutely off the hook? Not saying this to be mean, its just how I think life works, I have a minor-ish disability myself and think its enough to put off some girls I'd otherwise be able to get. How many stunning girls would date a guy in a wheelchair, and vice-versa? A tiny number not because these people are horrid, but why settle for that when they can have someone without that 'issue' to deal with? If the scars are noticeable (you say people stare at you) I think you'll have to face up to the fact you can't get girls you should otherwise be able to and therefore 'lower your standards'. Other people will disagree and say how scars won't make a difference, but if you've asked out 12 girls and every single one's said no then something's amiss.


    TOTALLY disgree. I don't look for the best looking person and best personality in someone i just like who i like, and the personality would win over looks anyday (does that mean i must look like the back of a bus to not care?). Afterall who wants a good looking man who is up himself so far he can't see straight? I do think the older you get though the more you aren't so superficial, some people it sticks with but most grow up and realise what really matters in life.

    Just because 12 girls have turnt him down doesn't mean its because hes got a scar.
    Like someone else mentioned, confidence is very attractive and if you have this it makes people attracted to you as long as you don't go too far the other way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It also depends how you've asked those 12 girls, if you've walked up to them in a bar/club or on the street and asked them to go out with you then it's no real surprise they've turned you down.

    Scars don't bother me at all, and from what I can tell from one of my friends who is bright, bubble, chatty and charming in every way and fairly badly scarred down the side of his face, neck, chest and arm from an accident with a kettle and boiling water when he was tiny scars don't bother the girls at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    Other people will disagree and say how scars won't make a difference, but if you've asked out 12 girls and every single one's said no then something's amiss.

    Bollocks! 12 is nothing, when I was single I sometimes had to approach 20-25 girls in a night before i could get laid! And I had no scars, or any form of disability, save a vodka induced speech impediment and a beer stained t shirt.

    I have to disagree with you as well, everyone has different ideas as to what's attractive. Some of my mates will fancy girls that I don't and vice versa. And if anything, in my experience at any rate, girls tend to have a far more individual view as to what's attractive than men. For some reason a lot of them seem to count personality quite highly.

    Plus how do you explain people punching above their weight? My missus should be way out of my league and yet she seems to see something in me.

    In short, everyone has to deal with rejection, don''t let it get you down. And ultimately, if its the right one, it only takes one girl to say yes for you to be happy. If that means a few no's along the way you just have to man up and deal with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tweety wrote: »
    TOTALLY disgree. I don't look for the best looking person and best personality in someone i just like who i like, and the personality would win over looks anyday (does that mean i must look like the back of a bus to not care?). Afterall who wants a good looking man who is up himself so far he can't see straight? I do think the older you get though the more you aren't so superficial, some people it sticks with but most grow up and realise what really matters in life.

    Just because 12 girls have turnt him down doesn't mean its because hes got a scar.
    Like someone else mentioned, confidence is very attractive and if you have this it makes people attracted to you as long as you don't go too far the other way.
    The reason I don't buy the 'personality' argument is because, in my experience, everyone is pretty much the bloody same! Out of the hundreds of people I know, maybe 5-10% of then stand out as having an amazing personality - charismatic, charming, amazing chat, incredible humour etc. 5% at most I'd say actually have bad personalities - unfriendly, rude, unsocial etc. The vast majority of people are generally very similar, in that they're 'nice' and 'friendly' in the right context. Like, I've just got back from a product launch party, didn't really know anyone, so went up to lots of people saying "Hi I'm x" with a handshake. Pretty much everyone was exactly the same - receptive, nice and friendly, smiling back, happy to engage in small talk, saying broadly similar things.. nobody from their personality stood out as being amazingly amazing or a cunt. Which is why I think the 'superficial' things such as how good-looking, tall, rich/job, car driven etc can actually have quite an impact when it comes to choosing who to be with. Why be with Person A [fine personality like 80% of people + noticeable facial scars] when they can be with Person B [fine personality like 80% of people + no scars] ??

    Also, OP makes it out that he knew these 12 girls he asked out quite well. 0 out of 12 girls you know is not good, that's different to trying it on with 25 random girls in a club before getting lucky.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't get it do you?
    It's not just about personality, its about clicking with someone. All my exs have looked very different, some good looking some not so good looking. Infact the one who most people classed as really good looking was an absolute cock.

    You can argue the point about it does matter what people look like alot as much as you want, the simple fact is that not everyone is that shallow.
    Why do you find that so hard to beleive?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    The reason I don't buy the 'personality' argument is because, in my experience, everyone is pretty much the bloody same!

    LOL

    No.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 reminds me of someone...:chin:

    ETA Just noticed that lea_uk's already noticed the similarity too :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tweety wrote: »
    Just because 12 girls have turnt him down doesn't mean its because hes got a scar.
    Like someone else mentioned, confidence is very attractive and if you have this it makes people attracted to you as long as you don't go too far the other way.

    :yes:

    Scars don't bother me at all. There's more important things than someone having scars.
    Other people will disagree and say how scars won't make a difference, but if you've asked out 12 girls and every single one's said no then something's amiss.

    It's possible that him being rejected is nothing to do with his scars?:confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    To be perfectly honest Dunc you could generalise equally about appearance as well as personality. There are a very few stunningly attractive people, a few very unattractive people, and then the rest of us who just tend to fall somewhere in the middle.

    Except that's bollocks isn't it? As Jon has already said, what someone finds attractive is a very individual thing and you find people who think celebrated beauties are mingers, just as you also find people who really like more unconventional lookers.

    Saying that most people have the same personality is ridiculous. Do you prefer bubbly outgoing personalities or more subdued thoughtful ones? Are you attracted to people with similar interests to you or totally different ones? Do you want to be with someone who likes painting the town red or staying in with a bottle of wine for a cuddle?

    Everyone is different and if you can't see that then there is absolutely no point you continuing to comment on this thread as what you are saying is both wrong and potentially offensive.

    :yes: And on that note, let's get back to the OP. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'll be honest here, and i know someone is going to hate me for it but hey!

    my previous partners haven't exactly been amazing lookers. they have their charms, and often its their eyes that will get me in the way of looks. I don't pay much attention to looks. I like people that have great personality traits, that have similarish interests and maybe a good few stories to tell. some people i've been out with have been incredibly cocky, but others have been quite reserved and somewhat lacking in confidence.

    i find that the best thing to do is to try and become as self confident with whats inside and the outside seems to follow.

    i have plenty of scars, mainly from skateboarding, and kitchen accidents, along with a lovely smiley on my left hand which was a result of my first dabblings with sado-machosism (sp?) on new years eve 2004/5. i'm going to have another on my arm very soon when i have an implant taken out of my arm.

    maybe i'm a bit of a self promotionist here or somewhat up myself...but my theory is that women that want to go out with you purely due to what you look like are not worth the time of men who wouldn't go and do that with women. Plus, you're other bodily features might take focus away from the scars. budging biceps are my current fetish...allong with other things...but thats another story...

    hope that helps somewhat and hasn't completely confused you like it has me whilst writing it....
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,269 Skive's The Limit
    Is this not tinkler?
    Weekender Offender 
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Skive wrote: »
    Is this not tinkler?

    There's no evidence to suggest it, other than some similar points of view, but lots of people share views on this website it doesn't mean they're the same person. As far as I can see the thread where Dunc asks advice about being single isn't a classic Tinkler thread, it's not offensive for a start - if any of you disagree then I'll expect a PM.

    But, AS ALWAYS, it's really not helpful to even go down that road in threads, the report post button is there for a reason. I've already deleted some references to this, but thought I'd leave this one here to emphasise that we're not happy with it continuing to occur.

    ETA: Dunc2008 - if you're still reading this thread then I hope you're taking everyone's views on board as I don't think for a minute you should assume you're an authority on this subject.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my boyfriend has lots of scars. He was really worried i was going to be put off when i met him as lots of them are rather large and self inflicted, but they didnt put me off in the slightest. If anything I think theyre sexy, although its a shame what they represent. The look of them isnt something that would put me off.
    I guess it depends to what extent they are as to whether they are actually a disfigurement rather than just an individual feature of someone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow. I am shocked at the level of hostility against me. I have never once said I am an authority on this subject. I respect the opinions of EVERYONE that has posted on this thread, and in return I would have hoped for people to respect my opinions, as they're based on my personal experiences - as a guy in their 20s who has experienced this issue first-hand with a disability, having lived in three very different cities.

    Firstly, I am surprised several of you have said you've gone out with people you don't consider to be that physically attractive. (a) how do you start dating a person in the first place if you don't find them to be physically attractive? (b) generally you don't tend to see -that- many couples where attractiveness between them is that wide, very typically people go for someone of similar attractiveness to them.

    Secondly, I don't buy the "click" argument. Because there's plenty of people I have "clicked" with amazingly well - get on so well with them, able to "bounce off" each other with the same type of humour, charisma, thoughts of life etc, yet they still won't go out with me. Why, if our personalities are so similar? Surely because they don't find me physically attractive? Meanwhile there's girls who I don't click with, haven't got so much in common who've agreed to go out with me, why is that if personality / click matters so much?

    The final acid test - would you go out with someone who you think is lovely, but is wheelchair-bound? I have no doubts the majority of you would say NO. However lovely someone is, there's plenty of other people out there you also deem lovely, without that 'issue' to face up to. Similarly if I didn't have my disability I have no doubt several beautiful girls I've 'clicked' with (in a normal environment where I can hear stuff not in a nightclub) would have gone out with me if not for my disability. And I don't blame them for that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    Firstly, I am surprised several of you have said you've gone out with people you don't consider to be that physically attractive. (a) how do you start dating a person in the first place if you don't find them to be physically attractive?

    Of course you have to personally find them physically attractive. I think the point being made is that they were not necessarily objectively attractive. There's a big difference. I know a girl who finds Simon Cowell the sexiest man alive, while she's well aware that to most people he's a bit :sour:
    Because there's plenty of people I have "clicked" with amazingly well - get on so well with them, able to "bounce off" each other with the same type of humour, charisma, thoughts of life etc, yet they still won't go out with me. Why, if our personalities are so similar? Surely because they don't find me physically attractive? Meanwhile there's girls who I don't click with, haven't got so much in common who've agreed to go out with me, why is that if personality / click matters so much?

    Because the click is not as simple as just having the click. Sometimes it's a one-way click. Sometimes it's a platonic click. You can't simplify human emotion down to a formula like that. It's the something extra. The X factor, if you will. You can't ever say exactly why or how or when it will happen, but when it does (and I can only speak personally) there's no way a superficial thing like scarring would stand in its way.

    I get that circumstances in your life seem to have made you bitter about the whole thing, and I totally agree that there are some very shallow people out there, but most people are just looking for someone to take their breath away. Disability or no disability.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dunc2008 wrote: »
    The final acid test - would you go out with someone who you think is lovely, but is wheelchair-bound? I have no doubts the majority of you would say NO.

    A lot of that dependson the situation. I could not go out with someone who would need constant care from me. (I am disabled too, but it's not that serious)
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