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Girl says she likes me but needs time?

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alright. I would like to thank everyone here for the help that was given. I feel like a real idiot. After further reflection, I have decided to just be a friend with her. Not just decided, but I believe myself now when I say it. I am going on a date with another girl Thursday night, and am hoping things go well.

    As selfish as this sounds, I know I am a good guy for the most part. If she doesn't get that flutter from me, then there is honestly nothing left for me to do but move on. If something happens later down the road it happens, but the fact she keeps kind of referencing the fact that she has lots of friends vying for her time....

    I made the dumb mistake of asking her if she felt as open with me as anyone else. She said I might not like it, but I told her to tell me anyways. She said yes, and they were two of her best friends.

    ...It was the reality I needed. Only problem with this other chick is that I am taking out Thursday is that she will be gone for 3 months back in her home state. Eh... but that is another bridge right guys and gals?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes, another bridge. don't go into something worrying about the future. enjoy it for what you've got in the present. if you worry about the future all the time, something which never comes, you'll never enjoy what actually happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jesus, she just told me she almost ran away yesterday. She is really mess up, and there is not a god d*&^ thing I can do about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pacman326 wrote: »
    Jesus, she just told me she almost ran away yesterday. She is really mess up, and there is not a god d*&^ thing I can do about it.

    I am beginning to think there is a large element of attention seeking going on by this girl, just so she doesn't lose your interest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pacman326 wrote: »
    I have screwed up .... bad. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. We were watching something together today, and I was hugging her and whatnot. She said she felt tired, so I walked her out. (I got her flowers because she was not feeling well.)

    She went back up to the dorm, and we were talking about something ... basically along the lines of the things I was doing ... reminded her of what her ex did. I got really really, upset with myself, and told her I was going to go do something else. She wrote this while I was away.

    well ok then
    I'll keep typing and you can read it later
    I blame myself
    for letting you get so attached
    when I knew I was going to have issues
    but I didnt know what to say
    its like I'm not uncomfortable, but I'm not comfortable either
    I was afraid to say something because I knew you'd feel bad and/or try to blame yourself
    which is not what I want
    it really isnt your fault
    and if I hadn't been so backed into a corner with him
    I might not get that uncomfortable backed-into-a-corner feeling
    because nothing youre doing is wrong
    I just cant respond to it right
    and I'm really sorry
    for not trying to explain it sooner
    but I didnt know how
    well
    now I'm mad at myself for saying anything
    but I cant really change it now
    I guess I'll ttyl


    I came back and she was gone. I wrote this back and am waiting a reply. I haven't re-read what I am going to post below this, but it is probably pretty emotionally charged.

    no, i figured all of these things in the back of my head
    why I am
    is because I was a complete asshole, and kept getting closer
    because, I have just been lonely for like forever
    and, I am just fucking terrible at holding back
    I tell you one thing
    and next thing I know, I am right back to giving you a hug
    I know what that disgruntled noise you make is
    i think i did at least in the back of my head
    but, it just angers me so much
    that i can't just keep my hands to myself
    I can't leave you alone
    I am the worst guy of all
    because when you just need a friend most
    I am just a complete asshole and just can't hold back
    I love you with all of my heart, and I know you are still devastated over eddie
    and I am a person
    who usually can come up with help
    for any problem
    but, I can't do anything to help you at all
    and it just ...frustrates me
    past any frustration I have ever known in my life
    frustration about the fact you got hurt and I couldn't be there for you
    frustration that I can't seem to control myself for even a few hurs
    *hours
    and frustration at myself
    because for the first time in my life where I find a girl I know is the girl I really care about
    and after waiting so long to find you
    I can't even fucking wait the short amount of time
    to maybe eventually be with you
    in light of the fact I have been waiting so fucking long
    agh, none of this came out right at all
    I fell in love with you the first night we talked
    the night we talked in the hall into 3am
    *until
    the first time i rode with you to gp and drank coffee in starbucks
    every part of me years
    *yearns
    to just hold you and drive all of this bullshit you had to deal with
    and the emotional scarring you have unfairly had to have
    both as a child, and as a young woman now
    but I know that is wrong
    the last thing I need to do
    is be touchy with you
    and remind you everything of eddie
    the problem is the nicest guys are often the most dangerous
    and i consider myself a nice guy...
    yet..
    i dont know how to express myself to you other than giving you a hug, or holding your hand
    because I am awful at words
    ... god I love you so much
    and at the same time
    I know I can't love you like that now
    because it is both unfair to you and me
    it raises expectations that you and I know can't be fufilled
    yet, I just can't dismiss how much I love you
    even though as much as it makes sense in my head to hold back as hard as I can
    my damn heart decides to change things the other way
    and this all just shows
    how I say one thing, and just do the god damn opposite
    no matter how I try
    it
    's the god damn opposite
    and it is hurting you
    and the last thing I want to do
    is hurt you anymore
    ...i dunno
    it might be unfair
    that we hang out so much
    as much as it is going to hurt me
    to not see you everyday
    in fact, I will probably feel like shit to be honest 
    not seeing me daily might give you the time you need to sort out things
    rather than have me continue to perpetuate
    these feelings about eddie
    well
    this wasn't at all I would have liked to say it
    ...but I will be back later





    I feel like I want to die I feel so bad right now. I have betrayed her, and now that I know she has been REALLY feeling like this... God, I feel terrible for her, I have just completed f*(&%ed up beyond all belief.

    Did you really write all that for her to read?!

    My advice is NEVER get that heavy that soon, that's probably why she feels like she's being backed into a corner. To me it sounds like she's just being nice.

    You should have just wrote back, 'Don't worry about it I understand if you ever need to talk I'm here.' and left it at that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Since that convo a week ago, that is what I have been telling her since. I think this date with other chick is going to help.

    But yea, she has to sort out her problems, I just always try to help too much, you know?

    What I tried to do is be her counsellor and that was VERY wrong of me. She got professional help the other day, but I don't think I am the guy for her now. If there had been something, she wouldn't keep using the word friend and me in a sentence so much.

    I will just take this as a good learning experience. After all, I am 19, I have plenty of time to find that special girl :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pacman326 wrote: »
    Since that convo a week ago, that is what I have been telling her since. I think this date with other chick is going to help.

    But yea, she has to sort out her problems, I just always try to help too much, you know?

    What I tried to do is be her counsellor and that was VERY wrong of me. She got professional help the other day, but I don't think I am the guy for her now. If there had been something, she wouldn't keep using the word friend and me in a sentence so much.

    I will just take this as a good learning experience. After all, I am 19, I have plenty of time to find that special girl :)

    Aw yeah got aaaaages yet so don't worry about :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do not understand this girl. After realizing that she wasn't going to ever like me the way I did I have been trying to distance myself from her. She went out tonight with some new random person who is now her friend, and she tried to invite me along. I said no (came up with true excuse that I am studying for finals)

    So she gets on and I arbitrarily asked her how her evening was. Somehow we got to subject of me liking to cook. Out of no where she says, "The person I marry has to know how to cook."

    She has also told me, "The next guy who goes out with me has to really know me."

    While both of these references could be completely arbitrary, I can't understand why the qualities I possess seem to be qualities she wants in her next bf. Ugh...

    I don't know what the heck to think now. I think my goal of distancing myself is a good idea. 1) I am no longer being used to give her attention as much. 2) I become less likely to keep beating myself over her rejecting me 3)

    I don't know if this makes me sound like a jerk, but to be honest, while I really like her, I absolutely WILL not be flirted with by her, and then shot down OVER and OVER again. We went to a hockey game together the other day, and I decided to be quiet on purpose (I am normally a loud guy). She kept trying to get me to speak by poking me in the side, giggling, and doing things I would consider to be things a girl does to flirt.

    She shut down on me when our team was losing, when I tried to continue the playful joking, she just ignored me.

    As I said, this girl is still really screwing with my head. I think I really need distance. But I think I am making the right choice, she doesn't deserve a guy who will always sit there hoping for something else while attending to her every need, and I don't need a girl who keeps putting me through these things as she recovers from all of her problems.

    I am finally content with myself to say, I have done everything I could do to court this girl. I also got her to get professional help, and my job is done. There is a girl out there who will appreciate me for the qualities I have; being a great listener, not judging but rather giving my perceptions, being able to iron, being able to cook, not wanting sex right off in a relationship.

    If I can't give her a "flutter" in her heart as she puts it, too damn bad. Let her realize what she has missed out on later. She wonders why she keeps getting abusive guys, and I really think it is because she pushes away every guy that really would help take care of her, and goes for these men she used to have a chance on. (Didn't mention that she has told me about some other crushes she has had over the semester including some 22 year old guy in a band who she thinks she is mature enough for)

    I must sound like a complete jerk. And I am really sorry, I must really be the worst kind of guy to say these things, because I really did love her. But rejection is commonplace in life, and I just must grow to accept it.

    Thank you to whoever read through this rant. :)

    I feel better now, and think I will be ok being friends with her. I just don't think I could handle being as close of friends as I was with her. She is smart though, I think she is catching on that I am distancing myself, but I think she probably knows it is for the better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And you will have to forgive me. I am a little stressed over finals.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nah,your not a jerk mate you just strapped on a pair and arent letting her mess with your head or your life anymore.:thumb:
    Strange thing about women is that they ALWAYS go for the bad boys who treat them bad,they`re just weird.;)

    Keep as much distance as you can,like you already say you are and it will get easier and you will find a girl who isnt a mess and is much more together and better for you.:yes:
    not wanting sex right off in a relationship.
    Why??:eek: :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Man, i feel yr pain

    Man man man, its like im lookin in the mirror. Oh God, look man let me tell ya my story.
    I went to high-school with this girl but we never talked back then (2003), then in (2012) she added me on FB, i thought u knw why not.
    she started commenting on my comments n she started sayin' neva give up n shit like tht in the comments. Anyway, after some days we talked on the chat but it was a short friendly chat. Meanwhile she was checkin my photos n stuff n liking my stuff, u knw. so Once she chatted with me like late, we started talkin', we talked for like 5 hours, we got flirty like alot. After we were talkin like everyday for 5 plus hours every night, for like 5 days we talked n talked n we clicked u knw, then i was like why not, i like you so u do like me too, so why not try n work this out when we meet, so we should like try n build a foundation form now till summer where she would come back to Greece is where our highschool was, now im in egypt n she is in the UK. she said no in the start, i kept tryin to convince her n the night ended n after 2 nights she talked n was like " I agree".
    I was so happy for that, we had it goin on btw she is a virgin so am i, honestly n im 22 so is she.
    Anyways after that we had like 2 nights of the best talks like emotional stuff, future issues, honestly till then she told me that her ex. screwed her over " he wanted to have sex with her by force, but she told me that she broke up with him like a year ago" The Next night, she told me that she was thinking of coming to egypt to be with me forever or at least till i finish uni n leave the country, so she wanted to quit her job, fight her family n relocate in the shit hole like Egypt with no job, no place to stay n we just started talkin like 2 weeks b4 that, so i told her no, cuz i care for her i neva wanted to ruin her life but she took it bad like a rejection but i convinced her not to or thats wht i thought cuz it wasn't the best option in here n its shit with the revolution n the instability plus she didnt attend college cuz her scumbag ex. told her not to n she listened to him, so it would be even harder to work here.
    Then we talked more n more n more, then after a week form that somthing clicked in her brain, she become cold as fuck, like unemotionally unavailable, i accepted for one night i started boosting her confidence up n self-esteem n all that n we had a good talk.
    the next days of talkin, were sumthing different, she kept tht cold attitude, n she told me "im not ready, im afraid to get attached cuz i dont trust ppl anymore" n stuff like that, so i told her ok i will give you yr time, till we meet.
    she was so cold after that for like 2 weeks, i felt like she didnt want to talk with me, we broke up like 3 times in like a month n got back to talkin again, she was putting me through heaven to hell.
    I'm single for along time, so i wanted to knw where is this goin', so i had this talk with about where do u see this goin, n then she brought the "Egypt issue" back n she is like u dont me there n stuff like that, i was like Whaaaaaaaaaaat? didnt we talk about this, n then i was ok u wana come, then Come but for a month or so see how is everything n then decide, in the same talk when i would tell her to come, she would intentionally change the subject. she kept being cold n telling me not to stress her about the relationship for now n i agreed but she would start been flirty n start to bring emotions up n when i respond back she would flip n say " oh we need to talk".
    In the talks she said that they promoted her n she would take time to think about it but in those two weeks, she said that will take a permanent contract, since i dont want her in Egypt. i was like " u serious? " n she was like yes, why would i joke about it? n then i would like what happened to u coming here, dont u want to come here anymore?, i was alil emotional with her n i told her how i felt with alot of feelings, stupid me, putting her through it again even though she told me not now but i thought i would lose her so i dont want that at all, its hard for me to talk with her n not to be alil emotional.
    Then she said this which made me mad " oh stop, u r acting like ur in love or sumthing?" i was Huh?, i mean a week ago we were talkin about how many kids we gonna have, where we will live n all that n now she tells me this.
    Anyways for like 1 month n a half, she was once hot, 4 times cold, i told her i understand wht u r goin through, " her ex tryin to rape her n her real dad leavin' em since she was 5" but i dont have it easy as well, i mean i have been treated as shit by girls, life everything.
    4 days i had a big internet disconnection cuz i didnt pay the bill " talkin about having it hard", she was sendin me msgs, btw i told her it would cut so she wasnt mad about that, then she is "like we gotta talk", i was like oh shit NOT AGAIN, i mean i have exams n i cant take this anymore.
    so she was" as i see u still keep thinking about us" i was like " stop, let me talk, i was like u knw u r right, u r making this too hard for me n u, i told u i will wait till we meet but u dont give yr self time, u keep goin hot n cold all the time, i was happy in the start cuz i like u alot n u were like the light in my darkness n i hoped i would be the same for u plus u told me u like me too, u care for me n i do too n she even gets jealous when i put a photo with a girl on my profile, so why r u doin this? so, im gonna leave u to be for a while n figure out what u really want n let me get on with my life till u sort yrself out, n we can keep flirting with other ppl, cuz i stopped since we started talkin". so she took that bad n started sayin " oh why do u say this, r u tryin to hurt me or sumthing, i said i needed time n u could have said, enough is enough n not try be like that. she wrote a long msg. then i was like but thts how its gone be, i mean u r making it too hard for yrself, i mean im different than most men out there, let yrself get open to me as u did b4 in the start, im here to help n vice versa, why r u doin this, i really want this to work out", then i was like sorry for tryin to hurt u, i sounded like a jackass, which im not n im sorry for causing you so much pain", " i wil ask u this 1 more time, u want me to stick around or let u be", n she was like " after last night n today, i will have to say lets part ways n i knw u were different but u tried to hurt me after not talkin for 3 days, it felt hurtful, let me take my time n troubles away from u" she said some other things too which i don't remember all, after i was like " i told u i will give yr time n everytime i would try to talk about sumthing else u would start flirting again, plus for the last 2 weeks i felt like ur pushing me away n stuff" then she was like " see i didnt knw tht, why didnt u say that, i tell you everything" she said other things too.
    i knw i was a jackass in the msg but she put me through heaven n hell n i have exams n i couldnt sleep at nights, thinking about her n this whole thing, i mean i felt in the end, in the last couple of weeks that i was throwing myself at her n i told her if i feel like that or feel like u dont want to talk to me n just talkin to me to be polite then i will have to let u go n she didnt listen.
    i want her so bad n i think i love her cuz as im recalling all this my heart ached n a i teared alil bit. i knw its along msg n that's like 60% of the story but i hope u understand it n im the same position as u were, n i dont knw what to do now or when we get to meet, date her or not ?, i dont knw. cuz im tryin to keep my distance now n fight the feelings as she has been doin the for sometime, its hard but i cant force her to do sumthing she dont want, i want her to be happy after all even if its on the cost of me been happy. oh god that was hard.
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