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Wow... GF Stupid Argument, turns into worse?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all...
So I just got home, from what was supposed to be a fun movie night. A bit of backstory about 2 nights ago:
We went on a date, and I mentioned something about how much she was into alcohol, and that I was concerned for when she turns legal for it; she took this as I thought she would be an alcoholic, and a small argument ensued.
Fast Forward to tonight:
A friend makes a sexual joke about me and her having sex, and to return the comedy, I made a thumbs up to said friend. I didn't think it was a big deal at all, but throughout the night, she seemed distant.
I take her home, and she starts to show how mad she is, and begins asking me why I did that, and how I should know that she hates sexual jokes, and she stated: "You said sorry before for doing it, and now you just did it again!" I very rarely make sexual jokes, but she absolutely hates them, so I don't anymore, but apparently in her mind this is as bad or worse than making a sexual comment.
A text her stating I'm sorry, I regret it, and had I known that I wouldn't have done it. Later on, I tell her I wish I could re-do friday and tonight and make it better.
Here is the kicker: I say, "I've been screwing up alot lately..." (Knowing full well I haven't screwed up that much recently) and her response? "Yeah, and it would help if you didn't act annoyed with me when I bring things like this up."
WOW. Does anyone else see that as a slap in the face other than me?
To end the night off, I say, "Wow, thank you for re-affirming that, and I wasn't annoyed, I'm just surprised."
She ends with, "I'm done talking about this, you've said enough, I'm going to bed."
She's never said anything like that ever to me, and I'm seriously wondering if this is as big of a deal as I feel like it is in my mind. I currently am wondering if she even loves me after that, I mean, I feel like she's just totally abandoning me for the night, and doesn't care at all about fixing this or making us both feel better.
What do you guys think about this? Am I over-reacting?
So I just got home, from what was supposed to be a fun movie night. A bit of backstory about 2 nights ago:
We went on a date, and I mentioned something about how much she was into alcohol, and that I was concerned for when she turns legal for it; she took this as I thought she would be an alcoholic, and a small argument ensued.
Fast Forward to tonight:
A friend makes a sexual joke about me and her having sex, and to return the comedy, I made a thumbs up to said friend. I didn't think it was a big deal at all, but throughout the night, she seemed distant.
I take her home, and she starts to show how mad she is, and begins asking me why I did that, and how I should know that she hates sexual jokes, and she stated: "You said sorry before for doing it, and now you just did it again!" I very rarely make sexual jokes, but she absolutely hates them, so I don't anymore, but apparently in her mind this is as bad or worse than making a sexual comment.
A text her stating I'm sorry, I regret it, and had I known that I wouldn't have done it. Later on, I tell her I wish I could re-do friday and tonight and make it better.
Here is the kicker: I say, "I've been screwing up alot lately..." (Knowing full well I haven't screwed up that much recently) and her response? "Yeah, and it would help if you didn't act annoyed with me when I bring things like this up."
WOW. Does anyone else see that as a slap in the face other than me?
To end the night off, I say, "Wow, thank you for re-affirming that, and I wasn't annoyed, I'm just surprised."
She ends with, "I'm done talking about this, you've said enough, I'm going to bed."
She's never said anything like that ever to me, and I'm seriously wondering if this is as big of a deal as I feel like it is in my mind. I currently am wondering if she even loves me after that, I mean, I feel like she's just totally abandoning me for the night, and doesn't care at all about fixing this or making us both feel better.
What do you guys think about this? Am I over-reacting?
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Comments
Sometimes those gals make a mountain out of a molehill. In that situations I try to avoid to bring myself in a situation where she might over-react. I am not going to apologize for something I am not convinced I did wrong and I am having the dignity to not beg her to stop being bad.
might not be the best advice, but I would just leave her be for a day and hang out with friends and then call her and ask her to go out, like dinner or movies act like nothing happened (since virtually 'nothing' happened), just be nice and don't bring that old stuff up.
If it's something you can't agree to (like she can't take a single sexual joke, or even a thumbs up to a sexual comment), better avoid those situation, but don't feel bad if she's bonkers again, it's better to have your own standards and stick to them, instead of falling to your knees apologizing for nothing. In situations where no consensus is to be reached, just let grow grass over that mess.
I just tried to call her to do just that, but she didn't pick up her phone; and she isn't working today.
Never had that happen either.
I'm not happy about her acting like this at all. :impissed:
Maybe if you can sort out what's behind it then it won't be such a problem.
I have to say I don't really like sexual jokes myself, and i've no problem letting people know. I wouldn't go bananas at them if they made them though, more likely to just say "yeah well that's not my thing" and carry on with another topic.
Answering your question though, she's over-reacted, you haven't done anything wrong.
like I said.. let it rest for a day or two..
if i had quarrel with a person it is so much easier to talk about it a day or two later when nobody is really heated up anymore and you are much more sensible...
you shouldn't "reward" her with calls etc. as she doesn't even appreciate your effort.
maybe that's how my mum brought me up. Leave a petulant toddler alone instead of spoiling him, that brings him back to normal quickest and most efficient.
She wants you to feel guilty etc, and she's probably expecting you to be up half the night worrying about it.
Don't rise to it, I'd wait until she's out of her little huff and let her text you.
Why say that if you don't believe it?
In my opinion you've just set yourself up for a fall there... there must be some kind of emotional inbalance between the two of you for you to feel like you have to say this.
Did you say it hoping that she would reassure you that you haven't been screwing up? In which case, why do you need the reassurance?
Maybe in her eyes things you've been doing could be classed as screwing up, and you haven't noticed anything at all wrong, so it's aggrivated her. In which case she should have told you what has been pissing her off recently. Looks like things have been simmering away and she finaly cracked this one night.
I think you both need to just take a step back and agree to have a calm discussion about all this and agree not to get bad tempered so you can really get to the bottom of why:
a) she reacted so much
b) if you've both been secretly pissing eachother off sometimes and neither of you've said anything
I think you've just not been communicating enough with eachother.
But it's OK to have an argument like this every so often. If you both love eachother then you'll just move on from it and maybe learn something from it.
Yeah, sounds like that to me too. She feels bad, and want's you too aswell, not good...