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Just wanted to say...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
...I've always had troubling dealing with relationships and the break ups and all the rest of it. I've been with some girls who have been real headfucks and I've been with some nice girls and I've been the one who's messed it up. One thing all my previous relationships have in common though - I've always always blamed myself for everything that's gone wrong. I can't remember the amount of times in the past I have grovelled for girls to come back to me, lost all self respect, become depressed etc. My self esteem has took a real battering from all this over the years.

Of late I've been involved with a girl and I've never known anything like it. She seemed so perfect, she thought I was perfect, everything has gone so well and it's seemed like we've been falling in love. It's been like one of those romances you see in a movie, but you don't think will ever happen so perfectly for you. In the last week however, for a number of reasons, things have turned real wierd, she's gone ultra cold on me, and when I see her tomorrow night, I have this gut feeling I'm in for some trouble, and probably a dumping. It's heart-breaking to think something so good has turned so bad so fast, and I am hurting badly.

This isn't going to be the same as all the past times though. Before I met her, I hadn't been with a girl for a long long time and I was starting to doubt that girls had any attraction for a guy like me anymore, and that nobody was ever gonna like me again, especially a girl as great as her. I had forgot how to be with girls, I didn't have the courage to approach any girl I liked and I just couldn't picture myself with anyone. So the first lesson I have took out of this is that I am attractive, I am worthy and nobody is out of my league.

If she does finish with me, there's gonna be no grovelling on my part for her to take me back. I'm just gonna be civil, walk away with my head held high and never contact her again. I'm not gonna worry what anybody else thinks, I'm not gonna slip into months of depression and I'm certainly not going to be beating myself up, blaming myself or making myself worse in any way. What I am going to do is remember all the good things we had, remember that this great girl at least for a while wanted me and remember that I am a good person who is capable of doing something right.

The point of this post is, for all the people who come out of relationships thinking they'll never find anything as good again, or for all the people who feel downbeaten or trodden on, there is always a tomorrow out there. Learn from your mistakes, take the positives and learn from all the good stuff that happened to. Don't destroy yourself over these things - I've had a bellyfull of all that, and believe me, I've learnt now that it's never worth it.

I don't know. Maybe we burned out so fast because it all happened so fast. I'm gonna be hurting from all this, but in a funny sort of way, I think this is one of the best things that's happened to me in years. It sounds strange, but this has been like a healing process to me, and a long overdue one at that. My self belief is back and I'm back. Since I've been with her, I've felt like me again for the first time in years and I'm gonna make sure that's here to stay, whether she goes or not. I'll miss her like hell, but this time around I'm going to jump straight back up...

Comments

  • PearlyPearly ********* Posts: 345 The Mix Regular
    Hi,

    It sounds like you're definitely finding your self-esteem has improved from the past, even with this latest blow with your girlfriend seeming to be cold. I hope that things went as you wanted them to when you met up with her. And as you say, if things didn't go as plan, then you can look back on the good times and know that you will learn from all the experiences you've had. It's hard sometimes not to fall in love too quickly, but no one can help feeling a certain way and it's great that you know that you won't let your disappointment leave you feeling depressed as you it sounds like you've been through worse and this has made you stronger. Hope things work out for you both though...
    Pearly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What happened then ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calvin wrote: »
    What happened then ?

    Dumped!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh hon Im sorry. Did she say why? how are u doing? x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lankygirl wrote: »
    Oh hon Im sorry. Did she say why? how are u doing? x

    I asked her not to tell my why and just to go.

    I'm in pieces. Really thought we were onto something here. These things don't happen to me too often. Dying to do something ridiculous like call her already, but I won't. It's like getting off a drug. Must resist!

    Still, I won't forget what I said yesterday. I knew I would be hurting, but I'm committed to making the best of all this and moving on...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The point of this post is, for all the people who come out of relationships thinking they'll never find anything as good again, or for all the people who feel downbeaten or trodden on, there is always a tomorrow out there. Learn from your mistakes, take the positives and learn from all the good stuff that happened to. Don't destroy yourself over these things - I've had a bellyfull of all that, and believe me, I've learnt now that it's never worth it ...

    ... My self belief is back and I'm back ...

    ... I'll miss her like hell, but this time around I'm going to jump straight back up...

    There isn't any advice anyone could give you that is better than the advice you have given yourself. Good lad! :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Teagan wrote: »
    There isn't any advice anyone could give you that is better than the advice you have given yourself. Good lad! :thumb:

    Yeah I agree. Think about the positives that have come from this, and move on.

    All the best

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you are being really strong and I love your first post! It is definitely better to resist the urge to make contact , it will just prolong the agony.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys. I mean, it's not easy. At this moment in time, obviously, it feels like I'll never meet anyone as special again, but that'll soon fade I guess. Just need time...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your gonna be fine mate. Its a kick in the nuts, but Teagan and that are right-youve given yourself some brill advice already.
    I agree w Posy too, dont contact her, it will hurt more for longer.
    Good luck!!
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its always hard coming out of a relationship and when hurting, whenever you feel like ringing her come back to this post and read your first post.
    Very good topic and i'm sure a lot of people can relate to you. Just remember stay strong.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    brilliant advice there. fair play too you man i do the same shit when a relationship ends and it does my head in. nice one for that man. best of luck with everything.:yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its always hard coming out of a relationship and when hurting, whenever you feel like ringing her come back to this post and read your first post

    :yes: Just reread it back to yourself when ever you need to. Thats some really good advise in the first post.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I'm okay now I think. Not spoken to her since I broke my vow and we exchanged a few messages a couple of days after the break up, but that was over a week ago and I don't plan on contacting her again. Still having those little things like chewing things over in my mind and trying to work out the how's and why's, and everytime my phone rings, I secretly hope it's her, but then realise I don't really wanna talk to her anyway. And I'm now feeling quite angry at how far she led me up the garden path before just dropping me like a stone. But hey, that's all natural stuff I guess.

    Have actually been chatting to someone else, but it's all a bit complicated and I'm not sure I wanna get involved, but there's no doubt I have got back some of my confidence from being with this girl, so some good has come out of it I guess...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For what it's worth - a complete stranger on a message board :razz: - you sound to me like a really worthy and decent bloke. Hang in there :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bluewisdom wrote: »
    For what it's worth - a complete stranger on a message board :razz: - you sound to me like a really worthy and decent bloke. Hang in there :)

    Lol, if only more women thought that! No, seriously, thanks, I think I am too ;)

    But without trying to blame myself too much, I also think my slight confidence and esteem issues contributed to the downfall of the whole thing. That said, if she couldn't accept me for who I was then that's not for me to worry about - there's probably plenty out there who will...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are an absolute star! I am going through the whole should I / shouldn't I end it and fear for the future. Your first post made me see that there is a future for me and I wish I was as strong as you! I will get there though!!! :)

    Good luck mate and hang on in there! You will meet your soul mate one day! :)
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