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slutty friend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok this may sound bad but i think one of my friends is kinda slutty and i want to tell her to calm down and to not be so boy crazy....i believe in only being with one person at a time, and that you shouldnt sleep around..you should be in love or really really like that person...but she sleeps around a lot...and is currently dating 4 guys...plus she just turned 16, but tells guys that she is 20 (the guys she gets with range from age 17-40 and some have gf's and some are married!) i want to tell her to slow down but not sound like im being mean to her...i understand that not everyone has my beliefs/morals and can be promiscuous...but i think she should concentrate on trying to finish high school, and plan for college, not on who she will sleep with next...any ideas how to talk to her about this nicely?
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I think that you have hit the nail on the head there. "Judge not lest ye be judged"
How do you know that she even wants to go to college?
Word.
gotta disagree. what kinda 40 year old guy sleeps with a teenage girl? even more wrong if you're in a relationship or married. i dont blame a girl of that age for sleeping around, some people do it just as they're coming to terms with their sexuality i guess.
The kind that remembers what was nice about sleeping with a teenager. If she's legally old enough then it makes no difference what the age gap is.
you dont fink theres anything wrong with a 40year old guy sleeping with a 16 year old?legal or not its morally wrong,my opinion thou.
Why is it 'morally' wrong? A 16 year old knows if she does or doesn't want to sleep with a 40 year old. Age is just a number and as long as its legal, why should an age gap matter?
And yet if they were both 20 years older people would say she was a gold digger and he was doing nothing wrong. I don't really agree with it, but if both parties are legal and concenting it's not up to us to judge the situation.
To be honest, I think all she's doing wrong is seeing 4 guys at once. The going with people in relationships whilst isn't advisable it isn't her thats cheating there, and if the people she goes with are happy to cheat then the blame and guilt should lie with them.
But everyone should be allowed to make their own mistakes and learn from them. As long as she isn't getting hurt and on a self distruct mission then leave her be and she'll calm down in her own time.
yep I agree with that
And how often is the advice given on this site "If you like someone tell them, no matter of their situation". It's only one step further than that, just a more full on way of telling them.
It's somtheing that I'd be uncomfortable about if it was my daughter, but she is entitled to make her own decisions and her own mistakes in life.
To the OP, I think you are right to be worried about your friend, if she's sleeping with anyone who takes an interest in her then that's a sign that she isn't all that happy. But you can't wade in and tell her how to lead her life, you just need to be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong.
Someone who is 15 is often able to as well, for that matter, but the law says they aren't. C'est la vie.
I don't go along with the idea that with these age gaps it's always the dirty old man defiling the pure innocent youngster. It's patronising.
:yes:
Did I say it was the same? No...I said it's only one step further. It's one piece of advice thats given on this site that I don't approve of. Telling someone you like them is putting temptation in their path. It's openning up the option to cheat/put doubt in the other persons mind about the rel they are in.
In both situations it's the role of the person who's in the rel to make sure they don't circum to temptation and the role of the single person to put the temptation there. If you can agree with the telling someone how you feel line of thought then you can't say the OP's friend is in the wrong for tempting others to stray either.
Hey, it sounds like things are becoming difficult between you and your friend as you are both at very different stages right now. While she seems to enjoy going out looking for lads to hook up with on a night out, that simply isn't your thing anymore - or maybe it never has been and it's causing a rift in your friendship. At the same time you're pretty worried about her behaviour.
Firstly, it might be good to acknowledge that friendships can change over time and sometimes we need to give ourselves space from people if what they want to do doesn't really fit with our own ideas of a good night out. It's easy to assume people aren't happy because what they're doing isn't what we see as a good thing - but actually this is something she needs to decide for herself. She may or may not regret her actions at a later stage - but either way it will no doubt be a learning curve and often it's best to withold judgement.
So what can you do?
Well it maybe that you're in a bit of a friendship rut with her and making plans to hang out with different mates may be a good option. You could also suggest doing other things together so that you don't feel like you're always the gooseberry watching her out on the pull, but you're still there for her as a friend.
You were also saying you're not sure how to start the whole conversation - this article might give you a few pointers.
Finally, you may find this article on how to be a good mate helpful. Remember you can only try your best.
Yeah.
Also, enjoying sex does not make you a slut. It's unfair that she's seeing people who are married, but then that is just as much the responsibility of the man she's seeing too. He's the one who should be committed.
I think the main issue though is the STDs, I mean if she gets HIV then it's not something which will go away...
And whilst you may disagree with her behaviour... Perhaps there is a reason for it? If she is so obsessed with sex and boys as you make out.
My gf slept with ~100 guys before me (in 5yrs, she's 21) including a few of my good friends, I am her first bf. Everything has been fantastic. She "played the field" not because of insecurity but just she loves sex, loved 3/4somes, having fun, the thrill of the chase, juggling several guys at once etc, but now has successfully had no problems having a monogamous relationship with me (I know she's not been cheating as she's been staying with me etc) as she says I'm the only guy she's ever cared about.
In the past I was like your bf, would get upset at the thought of my gf (or a girl I fancied) having done anything (even kissing) other guys, now I fortunately don't mind in the slightest. She's entirely candid about her past and I see nothing wrong with it. In fact I was rather attracted to her because of her "slutty" image, as it gave me the idea (a) she's fun-loving, going to be horny and wanting sex a lot, and (b) is not going to waste any time faffing around saying how it's important to wait / need to think hard about this decision / need to decide if I'm the right one etc. Have dated a couple of girls in the past where I got very frustrated they wanted to wait for sex, or were frequently not in the mood for it. I have no religious/moral views on it, am all in favour of doing it for fun even with random people, and whenever I want it so does she so this has been great.
I don't appreciate people using terms like 'slut', 'slag', 'whore', it's implicitly preaching your own values about sex onto other people when there is absolutely no reason why people who enjoy sex should have to waste any time before doing it. She's never had an STI - fine use condoms if you don't know/trust the person but nothing wrong with just wanting to enjoy the best experience available to humans.