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Um how do i tell her?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Uh... Okay wierd to ask a bunch of strangers but most of you dont live in the states. How would i tell my Girl Friend i was molested as a child?
(i am at peace, he got what he deserved)
(i am at peace, he got what he deserved)
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Nothing as bad as being abused but the few people I tell about bits of my past tend to come into the conversation starting something along the lines of 'we've all got things in the past that we would rather had never happened....'.
This would be a personnal choice thing, but particularly if you are at peace with it (I really like that choice of words btw) then I'd try and do it in a not too serious way. Some time when you're chatting anyway and have a bit of time, not one of those sit down for a serious talk jobs.
Thanx agian though.
I know you say you're at peace with it, and if you truly are then I both envy and respect you. But for me actually telling my signifigant other for the first time in a relationship was like breaking down a dam of emotion and really just the beginning of healing past wounds. I had thought I was as close to being at peace with it as I could be, before I told him. That changed afterwards, and I became very angry and frustrated with the people involved and the people I felt should've helped me. He helped me realise that not every man is an abusive man, whereas before I would have definitely thought that all men had it in them to do that... and he helped me to realise that the horrible, horrible things that happened in the past are in the past and they are nothing for me to be ashamed of. I found things became easier once I'd heard that from someone I felt so close to, rather than that just being a mantra I used to convince myself I wasn't at fault.
I can't even begin to tell you about how good it is to confide, and then reap the benefits of a boyfriend/girlfriend who knows you candidly and from whom you aren't keeping secrets. For example, when I had really bad flashbacks my boyfriend would just cuddle me and that was what I wanted. I didn't want to talk about it, and he didn't ask. Sometimes I do want to talk about it and he doesn't say a thing, just holds me. It must be really hard for him but he was a lifeline. You can't overestimate how encouraging understanding is.
Have you talked to someone professionally? I haven't, but I think it would've helped me at the point I told my boyfriend. It definitely dredged up a lot of buried feelings, and I would probably have benefited from having a counsellor at that time. But each to their own.
I hope you manage to tell her. She loves you and she would want to share this with you, relationships aren't all light and fluffy conversations... as I'm sure you're aware.
Why didnt it take a serous toll on me, like its done to some many others? I feel kinda out of place at my suport group sometimes. Its just so hard to tell her, for some reason.
He was very shy and found it hard to say it, but from what he was saying, about his mum and her partners, his step-dad and his childhood, going to live with his grandparents, i could tell something had happened and i just asked him some questions. He kinda just said someone had made him do some bad things. i asked if he meant sexually and he said yes. he said he'd been hurt so i asked if hed been physically hurt etc.
It didnt make any difference to me, i just felt so sad for him, gave him a big hug and it was never an issue for anyone.
1. I told her and she was really suportive.
2. My assulter was killed yesterday in a car crash at a bar called jim town.
GOOOD!!!
Truth time. About i think 10 years ago he was diagnoste with HIV, He died do to complications of AIDS, I dont really feel sorry for him, I dont know if it was the ass kicking he got or what but, He never did anything of the sort again. At least there was no tell tail signs of any kind. I learned I was his 5th victum and last victum. He was 19 and i was 6. Okay I have been tested for aids for multiple reasons, army I got one when i had a tonsilectamy, and one becuase well i was getting a blood test for diabetes. Nothing came back any of those times. Now I am wondering what is my risk factor, I was very resistent to his advance's but he did get inside me a little. I really am nervouse so a little help her plz.
Also good news about the bastard who hurt you. The final nail in the coffin. Serves him right.
Damnn fucking right!