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put downs
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Think I made a topic relating to this a while back. I have a friend at college on my Access course who met her boyfriend through my boyfriend. We both started dating them around the same time. Anyway in class and in front of our boyfriends she puts me down.
From my relationship with my boyfriend 'you two have a strange relationship' to me and my friends having inside jokes (which I was telling my boyfriend about but she butted in with 'Right...okayyy...' and at lunch time today infront of her boyfriend and mine.. said something quietly and I didnt hear her so I said 'what?' and she laughed Then she asked 'is it nice where you live?' Meaning my head I am guessing. Then she said something else and made the 'over the head' gesture with her hands. During the lunchtime conversation I admitted that I was finding this course difficult and she just says plainly 'That's because you have no discipline'...so I said 'I do have discipline' and she starts giving examples like the fact that I failed my maths test and haven't got around to resitting them... This was all said in one hour by the way.
Being overly sensitive I was upset and instead of getting the bus home I told her I was ill and would get a cab. Anyway just got back and she's texted me to ask what was wrong because I behaved coldly towards her. So I replied to her and said and all she is saying is that I take everything so personally and am very sensitive.
Honestly when I left college I was on the verge of tears and still am. I don't have a clue what to do.
From my relationship with my boyfriend 'you two have a strange relationship' to me and my friends having inside jokes (which I was telling my boyfriend about but she butted in with 'Right...okayyy...' and at lunch time today infront of her boyfriend and mine.. said something quietly and I didnt hear her so I said 'what?' and she laughed Then she asked 'is it nice where you live?' Meaning my head I am guessing. Then she said something else and made the 'over the head' gesture with her hands. During the lunchtime conversation I admitted that I was finding this course difficult and she just says plainly 'That's because you have no discipline'...so I said 'I do have discipline' and she starts giving examples like the fact that I failed my maths test and haven't got around to resitting them... This was all said in one hour by the way.
Being overly sensitive I was upset and instead of getting the bus home I told her I was ill and would get a cab. Anyway just got back and she's texted me to ask what was wrong because I behaved coldly towards her. So I replied to her and said and all she is saying is that I take everything so personally and am very sensitive.
Honestly when I left college I was on the verge of tears and still am. I don't have a clue what to do.
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Comments
I'd maybe have a word with your boyfriend about it, I'm sure he'd want to know if you're feeling upset
Vicky I wish I was like you. Sometimes I feel so weak. She does it and the best I can say is 'no I'm not'. I just get so embarassed and tearful and can't deal with situations like that at all.
If she keeps doing it, and you don't want to ruin the friendship, try and explain to her that sometimes it's the littlest comments which hurt most. Maybe she doesn't understand why you're getting upset by it, because to her what she's saying is nothing.
That's really good advice. I have tried those and thought I was making it obvious that I dont approve of what she is saying and I told her a while ago and she said she was 'just joking'. I feel so stressed by my course at the minute and dont need this. Feeling pissy about my course in general. Everything keeps going wrong.
I know how you feel, as an early teen I was like that and to be honest inside I sometimes feel like that. But to be honest, showing your enemies (or not very good friends) your weakness opens the gates for more piss taking.
Tell her to mouth off someone else. You came on the course to get qualifications, not deal with the shit you got at school.
:yes: If it were me i'd just act like i really couldn't give a toss, and give as much back as poss - but not as easy as that for everyone.
I think you just need to tell her strongly once and i doubt she'll bother again.
I hate to sound patronising, but I see a lot of myself in that statement, I used to be exactly the same. I had a witchy thing in my 'friendship' group who thought it was fine to slag off other people, and would be quite snide with things she muttered under her breath. I'm sure you know what I mean. I eventually stood up to her (as much as I, like you, hate confrontation) and it was the best thing I could have done. Unfortunately though, time proved that she was unable to mature like a normal human being and continued being petty and bitchy about anything and everything. I don't speak to her anymore, she wasn't worth the hassle. All I can tell you is that what goes around comes around, and all of this will teach you a very valuable lesson about human nature. Keep your chin up and remember you're the better person for not being so cruel.
F'realz.
Haha. I'll do that just for you and kick her in the head and say 'that's for BECKZ YA GET ME BLUD??'
I'm down with that. I can write blood with my fingers - that's how ghetto I am, hoe.
Do not have a visual aid of my own, but Google Image Search always helps!
She sounds like a nasty piece of work and if she is saying that you are too sensitive she is obviously aware that she is saying things which hurt you. You said that you are in a lot of her classes and its hard to make other friends instead but you really don't need someone like her to drag you down. Sounds like she is insecure herself and is picking on you to make herself feel better.
Personally, I'd just start ignoring her, you don't need the extra stress with exams coming up. Dump her! You'll be off to uni soon anyway! :thumb:
Aw, see you don't look ghetto. I want to nestle you in my bosom and coo over you, hahaha. I wish I was lying as well. :razz:
I would honestly but our class has about 14 people in it of different ages. All of the people our age stick together.
The young ones all hang out together. (Us)
The oldies all hang out together. The creepy 50 year old is in that group too so there is no way I'm going there.
That was Rocky?! :birthday:
You're right. I'm more hardcore :razz:
Aren't you cute?! Bless ya heart, I just want to give you a cuddle
......In a non perverse way, obviously
Anyway replied saying 'Nope Going in on thurs.'
Then she texted back 'And am I the reason you not coming in tomorrow?'
Sooo I replied 'nope, not cuz of you. I'm not going to make a big deal over it. I'm on the course to get qualifcations and not deal with petty putdowns'.
No reply.
The thing is I was being honest, I DON'T want to make a big deal out of it. Kinda scared I've created a bad atmosphere now.
Do you think what I said was okay? Sorry if this is boring folk. Just really bugging me.
Thats a really good reply :yes: Don't worry about it. You've done your bit. Now she's the one who's gotta decide whether she wants to sort herself out or not. Either way, you've been the sensible one here. Hope it works out. Good luck :thumb:
Don't be. Go in next time, be bright and breezy and act like it never happened.
If she's rude to you, stare silently at her with a mixture of pity and contempt for about 5 seconds and then go back to whatever you were doing/saying immediately before.
Grow a thicker skin girl.
Just go in as if nothing has happened. If she mentions anything say, "For whatever issues you have in your life, I'm sorry. If you want me to help you, I will. But it's helping neither of us with you behaving like this, it has to stop."
Like Miffy said, if she's rude, ignore, breathe and think those are her issues, not yours, and carry on.
I went in today and we just acted normal with eachother. When the class left and we were in the room by ourselves she said that she was sorry for being a bitch yesterday and really did not mean it maliciously just that she was so stressed..I said same so happy ending I hope