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Sister
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi well I have a bit of a disturbing one here.
My sister and I are in our early 20s and have always been close especially since our parents died in a car crash which we survived 20 years ago. We still live together and have always done everything together.
Recently I've been getting very close to a female colleague and we're now going out. I've been spending less time at home of course and my sister hasn't liked it at all. I can understand that and I do want to spend more time with her but I want to spend time with my girlfriend as well. My sister has never had a boyfriend even though she is constantly being chatted up by blokes.
Anyway here's the real problem: when we went out drinking last night my sister started kissing me and when we get home she got into my bed naked and suggested very strongly that we have sex. She said how she had been fantasizing about it for years. When I said no she ran out of the house crying and drove off.
Now I have seen her naked before cos we live together and like I said we are close but there has never been any sexual connotations as far as I was concerned. Now I look back and I'm wondering what was going through her head and thinking I've been stupid.
I don't know what to do about this. I haven't seen her since then but I guess she will be back home soon. I don't want to alienate my sister cos I'm all she's got in the world.
My sister and I are in our early 20s and have always been close especially since our parents died in a car crash which we survived 20 years ago. We still live together and have always done everything together.
Recently I've been getting very close to a female colleague and we're now going out. I've been spending less time at home of course and my sister hasn't liked it at all. I can understand that and I do want to spend more time with her but I want to spend time with my girlfriend as well. My sister has never had a boyfriend even though she is constantly being chatted up by blokes.
Anyway here's the real problem: when we went out drinking last night my sister started kissing me and when we get home she got into my bed naked and suggested very strongly that we have sex. She said how she had been fantasizing about it for years. When I said no she ran out of the house crying and drove off.
Now I have seen her naked before cos we live together and like I said we are close but there has never been any sexual connotations as far as I was concerned. Now I look back and I'm wondering what was going through her head and thinking I've been stupid.
I don't know what to do about this. I haven't seen her since then but I guess she will be back home soon. I don't want to alienate my sister cos I'm all she's got in the world.
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perhaps there's a way to get her to see a psychologist or something?
it'll be hard telling her you love her, but as a sister, when she gets back... it'll be awkward, but maybe she'll get over it now she's realised you dont feel the same way for her...
You're not from the isle of Man are you?
talk to your sister. Obviously, she depends on you a lot, and has got her feelings confused. This kind of emotional mix up is more common than most people realise, it's usually a stage that people grow out of though. You are each other's only family, and coming through a car crash together and losing your parents must be unbearable to cope with. I can only imagine how you must have both depended on each for support.
You've got to quite an intimate level, where nakedness isn't a major issue between you - you're close and you love each other, it doesn't seem an issue, but really you're probably a bit too close, because of the emotional dependence.
It's good that you've found a girlfriend, and good that things are going well with her, but your sister hasn't got a boyfriend, whether she doesn't trust anyone except you, or otherwise, I couldn't say... but obviously she sees your girlfriend as a threat, and thinks she's going to lose you, who she's depended on for security, as her 'rock', ever since you lost your parents.
I think you do need to talk to her, but also, maybe get counselling together and in private sessions, as there are obviously unresolved issues. AskTheSite http://www.thesite.org.uk/community/askthesite will get you straight through to a professional counsellor, and could be a gateway to the support you both need to build a healthy loving relationship between the two of you, and also to have a network of other friends and relationships so you don't depend on each other too strongly.
Best of luck,
On the off-chance that this is a serious post, then i would suggest you sit her down and talk to her. Explain that as much as you love her (probably more than you've loved anyone else) that she is your sister and dont look at her in that way. See how she reacts and maybe suggest speaking to a psychiatrist, perhaps one that specialises in family problems like this.
That's your opinion, but it's really not appropriate to say that here. :no:
Well for starters he's not really asking for help....more informing us of he's 'close' relationship he has with his sister. I don't have a sister so I can't quite say what's a normal relationship is to have with one, but I'm pretty sure brothers and sister don't see each other naked.
Due to the circumstance that both you and your sister have been through its understandable that you'd become close, but perhaps you've become too close!! As suggested get your sister to see her GP in order to get a referral to see a psychiatrist or any other specialist.
Or if this is a wind up thread take her to relate!
In their case I doubt the two are related, it sounds more like a mental issue.
Each to their own but having two brothers I do not see them naked and I'm sure if they were sisters I'd have it the same way! I consider the fully clothed relationship I have with my family healthy enough as it is and no wish to undress the issue further!
I'm not going to try to justify my relationship with my sister, we have been through so much together and have relied on each other our whole lives. Most can't begin to imagine how difficult it is to grow up without your parents and only have one other person to rely on your whole life when you're faced with abusive foster parents etc. She means everything to me and this is really worrying me.
I spoke to her yesterday and she apologised, and said she only did it because she was drunk and regrets it very much, although she admitted she was sexually attracted to me. She wants to have a normal boyfriend as well and she didn't want to ruin things between us.
I told her she needs to be more open to other blokes and that I couldn't have sex with her and said that from now on I will be locking the bathroom door and won't walk in when she is in there.
It is really difficult to start introducing boundaries in our relationship because there's never been an issue before. I don't want to be too cruel. I don't know how far to take it. She still wants to sleep in the same bed occasionally but I don't know if it's a sexual thing or not.
Good luck and i hope you both sort things out.
Lol tis true. Do people actually see their family members naked? I so wouldn't.
As for family members naked, i saw my mum naked plenty. Not my brother or my stepdad though, although my mum did have a boyfriend once who used to wander round naked. Nothing sexual, that was just what he did.
I dont worry about my son seeing me naked.
:yes: and my brother and my dad. its not a problem, we're just comfortable together!
as for the original post...im glad you've talked now and i think it is a good idea to set boundaries. it will seem cruel but its not because its just letting her know that there is a line that you cannot cross.
I haven't seen you on here in ages!
Although I certainly don't read every thread...
hehe its cos i havent been around for ages, i just rediscovered my love for thesite in the last few days!
The Isle of Man bit was a joke, the other wasn't.
Well - welcome back
If you had a brother the same age as you, would you shag him?
No because I'm a dyke. If I had a sister and I fell in love with her, I'd go out with her.
But I don't have anything against incest if it works for a couple. Maybe people should open their minds a bit and veer away from the Judeo-Christian idea that incest is wrong. Is it natural? Maybe... Breeders often interbreed cats to get a prime kitty with good prize winning points. I don't think incest is common, nor do I think it's 'normal' behaviour, but then arguably neither is homosexuality 'normal' in the genetically functional sense.
Yes, procreation between brother and sister would quite likely make you give birth to a child with severe disabilities but then couples who have inheritible diseases also could produce children that would suffer.
Ballerina, I have seen my friend in Tis Pity She's a Whore, it's pretty confusing!
So let me get this straight.
You're not seriously condoning incest are you? Be it same-sex or nay?
What's wrong with it? If you aren't having children then why the hell would anybody have an issue with it?
I'm sure we all have exciting enough lives not to care what other people do in the private sphere....
And I'm not attracted to any of my relatives, but some people evidently are and that's their business.
I think I'd actually rip my eyes out....or just throw up and cringe everytime I saw them again after.