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taking "a break" - do you think im being unreasonable?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I wouldn’t say that im in a long distance relationship as such but I live about 35min on a train from my boyfriend. I see him once a week due to me being in my final year at uni and working 4 nights a week in a bar and him having a full time 9-5 job.

This morning he rang me up to tell me that he wants us to have a 2week break to "see how things go". This is because i put my friends before him all the time and i will never take any time off work to see him, and that if i can manage to get a weekend night off work i don’t see him (usually i do but the last time my sister got me a ticket to see the basement jaxx in Leeds so i went there! apparently i should have seen him)

He thinks that i put my friends first because i go out with my best mate 1 night a week and i see him once a week. I don’t think that it’s unreasonable, and also when i go out i do uni work until about 10pm and then go out its not like I’ve taken the whole day off.

I should also take nights off work to spend with him! I said i couldn’t do this as i have rent to pay, final year is costing me a fortune and i can’t suddenly go i only want to work 2 nights a week from now on. I'd get told to fuck off.

But apparently the way in which i have been really ignorant is in going home for xmas for 6 days (its all i could get off work) and not seeing him more. I see him once a week and i haven’t seen my family since September, he came down for 2 days and 1 night apparently i should have gone to see him as well. (I was planning on doing at 1 point but my dad had to drive me back really early in the morning and so i wouldn’t have been able to get back home in time)

so anyway other than having a rant i wanted to ask if that sounds like im being an arse to anyone on the outside.

Cheers

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello,

    I don't think your being (un-reasonable) as it were but I can see your boyfriends point but also see yours. I think what I would do if I was you and really liked (or love is it?) your boyfriend is to explain to him exactly how busy you are but also try and comprosmise a little. You sound very busy but if you can at least show him your trying and want to be with him more I think that would help!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How often does he travel to see you? From the sounds of it, its like you are doing all the work and he's just lapping it up.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable, but it does sound like your boyfriend is a little jelous and also immature. Seeing as you are in your final year at uni, he should be doing everything that he can to keep you happy, as i can imagine it must be stressful trying to juggle everything.

    In my first year at uni, my boyfriend lived 7 hours away, and between our different schedules, we saw each other only about 4 times. This year, he has actually moved up to kent, but is still 40 minutes away. Although we do manage to see each other once a week and sometimes twice, it is very hectic. Between, uni, him, friends, and work i can feel thinly stretched. However, if he started to complain about the situation, i would explode, as getting a good education is very important to me.

    So, i would have a proper chat with your guy and tell him how you feel. It seems unreasonable for him to want 2 weeks to have a break, and you have enough on your plate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, reallly what is two weeks gonna do if you only see each pther once a week?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what i can't believe is that he expects you to take nights off work!!!! i find THAT unreasonable!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Zella wrote:
    Also, reallly what is two weeks gonna do if you only see each pther once a week?
    my thorts exactly, i think its just his wimpy way of finishing me
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grrrr, he's just rang me to say that he will stay with me (like he's doing me a favour!) if we can spend 1 weekend a month together or something like that!!!!!!

    he knows im contracted to work fri and sat nights i can usually get about 4 a year off bout not 1 weekend a month.

    so i said i get tue afternoons and wednesday mornings off uni so he can take those off work if he likes and we can spend those together (i know i was being an arse, i was just trying to get him to look past the end of his nose). He then told me that he couldnt do that because his is a carear job where as mine is just a part time uni job so its not the same thing :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

    were going to talk things through face to face later in the week, i cant believe he's being like this :crying: we have never even had an argument before
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mel-H wrote:
    Grrrr, he's just rang me to say that he will stay with me (like he's doing me a favour!) if we can spend 1 weekend a month together or something like that!!!!!!


    sorry but what a knob!

    once a week sounds fine by me. he's busy, you're busy...you just do your best. he's being incredibly unreasonable by asking you to cut your hours back but isn't willing to do the same.

    how long have you been going out for?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like a bit of a twat, from what you've said it sounds like he's the unreasonable one not you. did he ever go to uni? if he did he should know how important the final year is. and hope much it costs to keep going.

    Also sounds like he's trying to finish with you but not got the guts to say it out right.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How long have you been together??
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    take nights off work to see him? wouldn't it be more tiring for you to get on the train for 1/2 hour, see him and come back than work?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    we have been together for 2 1/2 years. we met because i moved into a student house with individual tenencies that he already lived in.
    we lived together as a couple for a year whilst he was doing his final year and in my opinion i was understanding of his need for time to work and things.

    he knows how much uni work i need to do and how i struggle to pay for things for my dissertation.
    he said he knows he is being unreasonable but misses me so much that he cant carry on like this.

    i said that its going to continue like this until i finish my corse and if he cant cope with it then we have no other option than to finish it as im under a lot of pressure and just cant cope with this on top of it all. were going to discuss it on thursday but i think its the end of the road as its a situation that cant be changed until about june :crying:

    it just hurts because i love him so much and i know he feels the same about me, but if i ment that much to him shurly id be worth waiting until june for?

    its just recking my head
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