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How would you feel?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So here is the situation ...
Tonight there is a small leaving do for a friend who i know through my boyfriend.
Last week he said to my boyfriend you better bring (me) with you, to which my boyfriends reply was "I don't think so".
So tonight is the night and he's still saying that i can't come. Personally i think that is totally out of order saying that i can't come when the host has specified that he wants me brought along.
According to my boyfriend it'l be a good night for a drink with the lads etc even though he was at the same place, Tuesday, Wednesday and last night.
He's spat his dummy out once already saying "Fine whatever come, but you can't rely on me for nights out" or something along those lines. Obviously to make me say I don't want to come it doesn't matter.
So what would you do in this situation? I'm pretty pissed off and upset that he thinks he can have this control over me, but i don't want to cause an argument and make it uncomfortable if i did turn up :banghead:
Tonight there is a small leaving do for a friend who i know through my boyfriend.
Last week he said to my boyfriend you better bring (me) with you, to which my boyfriends reply was "I don't think so".
So tonight is the night and he's still saying that i can't come. Personally i think that is totally out of order saying that i can't come when the host has specified that he wants me brought along.
According to my boyfriend it'l be a good night for a drink with the lads etc even though he was at the same place, Tuesday, Wednesday and last night.
He's spat his dummy out once already saying "Fine whatever come, but you can't rely on me for nights out" or something along those lines. Obviously to make me say I don't want to come it doesn't matter.
So what would you do in this situation? I'm pretty pissed off and upset that he thinks he can have this control over me, but i don't want to cause an argument and make it uncomfortable if i did turn up :banghead:
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Comments
I rarely see his friends much at all, only one or two regularly.
fair enough, if he hadnt been out with his mates for a while....but even then i'd be pissed when u have been specifically invited!
even the way he said "oh come then..." if you did go, you'd feel like you werent wanted
i think he is behaving awfully!
Normally if a lad says 'bring (gf) with you' its because you're a bit of eye candy for the lads...
That's what my mum said, maybe he's just jealous of other guys looking at you or just wants to get wasted.
He did mention last week how when we went out i got two hugs and a kiss on the cheek off 3 of his friends in a joking tone though about it, but still if that's the case wouldn't a guy want to show off his girlfriend?
Yeah or it's cos he can get away with a lot more when it's just his mates around him and not his gf.
Not that I defend him, because I agree with you, that it's - under these circumstances - out of order, but how much do you know?
Maybe that boyfriend's friend fancies you and want you there, and your boyfriend kinda smelled the rat, but tries to salvage the friendship and hold you on distance, or maybe it's a boys evening, or maybe the fellas smoke weed there and he knows that you don't agree with drugs.
Try to get reasons out of him, but make it carefully and with as little ruckus as possible...
Is this so weird and out of place? How do you greet mate's girlfriends as a boy over there?
Here usually kiss on both cheeks, or a peck on the lips if you are good friends with the girl and knew her for years.
When you say alot more, what are you reffering to?
What would you guys do though? Stand up for yourself and cause an argument or just sit back and let him have his way as it's the easiest option?
Well in my opinion if your bf doesn't want you to go out with them it's either because...a) like someones already said hes jealous and doesn't want anyone trying it on, or b) so he can basically pretend hes single for the night.
I don't know your bf so i can't say what hes thinking. I think your right to be annoyed though, i'd tell my bf to fuck off if he tried to talk to me like that.
I doubt it'd be the second one, it's a quiet country pub, everyone know's he's gotta GF and my friend works there so nothing dodgy would go on.
I wouldn't mind if it wasn't for being invited too, what's more he expects he can just come and see me tomorrow (suits him then after he's done his thing) i just feel like saying, "Sorry i'm busy, you'll have to wait until i'm free".
Say it then. I'd personally go out with someone else tonight and have a good time and then let him know tomorrow what a good night you had.
Thats what i'd do.
That's the thing i was planning on doing and was organising something with a friend, when conviniently work rang and wanted me to come in, i said i was going out tonight but being like they are i now have to work 5-8pm.
So i can't really organise anything now, only option is to go to that party after iv'e finished as i'm already invited there but it isn't that simple.
Men :banghead:
Why not go anyway then? You've been invited after all. You dont have to go with your bf. Least then it'd show him you can't be pushed about.
Your boyfriend should want you to come out with him and his friends every now and again, especially as his friends invited you.
And the way he has reacted is just as bad, he knows you wont go if he makes you feel like your not wanted, so even by saying you can come he's still getting his own way.
I dont really know what to suggest though. Maybe you should call his bluff and go, and if he tries to make you have a rubbish night, go off and talk to other people, making sure you have an ace time
that's why you are single.
maybe but if thats the case he's a bit sad
he's with her so he knows nothing's gonna happen
he should be proud to take her and proud that his mates like her, not many fellas can say that their mates actually WANT their gf to go out with them
to the op...ur only in 5-8....just go out when you finish! if you tell him ya going out, and he doesnt say anything, then i cant really see the "jealousy" reason as a valid one, as if i were him, i`d much prefer u to be out with me so i could keep an eye on you/blokes than for u to go out without me
Awww...harsh!!
well, I'm sorry that you are a trophy for your partner, but for many of us it is uncomfortable, when your friends lust after your girlfriend (if that's the case).
I really do wish i had the guts to do that! but shamefully i don't.
Things that shouldn't be happening won't be, like i said my friend will be working tonight and she always seems to feel the need to give me an account on who he was with all night for some reason so i'm not feeling paranoid which is a first!
He's just a wanker at times and i wish it wasn't me that had to put up with it. I really don't understand the guy at times.
i never said that i'm a trophy! there's no need to be rude ffs
i'm simply saying that HE is there, he knows his mates aint gonna try anything on while he's with her!
if she's that gorgeous that his mates lust after her, then she's gonna get lusted at no matter where she goes, and he has to deal with that!
no one has even mentioned that his friends are lusting after her anyway!
if his mates think she's attractive, he should be flattered!
Surely it shouldn't stop you taking your girlfriend out though?
You don't HAVE to put up with anything...if you don't like the way he treats you, maybe you should have the guts to finish it? No point being with a bloke who treats you like shit just for the sake of being with someone.
too right it shouldnt!
like i said, if it was a case of him not wanting blokes to try it on with you, wouldnt he rather you go out with him than alone? x
Yeah. Rather be single cos of that, than single cos i'm an ugly cunt.
I know how it upsets you, since I would be upset as well, but don't try to fight fire with fire how a few on that thread suggest it. It's just source for drama, arguments, distrust, etc.
If you approach him in a more mature way, I reckon the chance of having an mutual agreement is higher...
I mean go to the party of his friends, even tho he has an issue with it and then maybe act like he's invisible? ffs, you had a peaceful relationship for the longest time then.
Confront him and tell him what's it's about why you can't be there. Make suggestions as if you assume what's up, (we said a few possible chances here), try to talk it out and see where the difference of opinions is.
Not at all.
and @ littleali too. Yea, she might get the looks or the whistles everywhere, but that's just some randoms. If your girlfriend is an eye-catching event all evening long for your mates it is something not to be flattered about, imho.
sucks if you are single for both reasons. Maybe find a deaf and blind guy?
It resulted in that last September, he had days off work and begged for me back and i did on the terms that he sorted his act out.
He's been great since then but lately he's getting back to his old ways.
Recently one of this friends was telling me i need to be more authoritive etc which was kinda weird, but he was right.
Think the friend might be right....you've denied yourself a night out because you didn't have the courage to say "well so and so invited me so I'm going" in the first place, and look at how bad that one small thing's making you feel! And I bet you can name other situations like that that you've been in....maybe they were because you hadn't been authoritative enough too??
Don't be scared......being authoritative doesn't mean you have to turn into a total bitch...just be clearer about what you want with people!! :thumb:
Yeah i agree with that. Why let people walk over you just in case you rock the boat slightly.
That might totally be the problem. I don't mean to actively look for arguments and confrontation it will always be a wobbly relationship, but if you are a sheep who says yes and amen to everything, sooner or later he will get accustomed to that and knows how to abuse your benevolence, especially if it already been that far...
Seems like the problem is more of a fundamentally nature, I'd be wary and be more assertive in your "letting him know that this is not ok."
Either way i think il just leave it and see if i can find something to do after work, he can remain in my bad books and hopefully have a night filled with guilt for being a shitty boyfriend.