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Michelle Heaton
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Prepare yourself, I've got venom for...
This self-obsessed, has-been Liberty X moose [for those of you who are wondering what the FUCK that is in the picture above].
I "met" her a couple of years back in a club and ever since I have taken a morbid kind of interest in her. So, while it is probably bad to admit to this, I was absolutely glued to that "documentary" about her wedding - total train wreck TV. Oh I do love celeb cack like this and I'm not half as ashamed as I should be. Is anyone else going to 'fess up to having watched it or am I alone in the purgatory of ITV2 watchers :razz:
I didn't think much of her fella beforehand but he is the catch of the century in comparison to this deluded cow. I'm not exactly ladylike myself but she has the foulest mouth I've ever heard in my life (limited vocabulary I reckon) and even told her poor, gormless sap of a boyfriend to "fuck off [babe]" when he proposed, HA. That is not to even start on her shit-stinking attitude and the way she had her dress tightened between final fitting and wedding day so her bazookas looked like exploding melons and the fact that she pencilled her Disney-villain eyebrows in extra dark for her big day. It was worth watching solely for his [unintentionally side-splitting] poetry while lying sunbathing next to his effing and blinding sweetheart; and Michelle's face like a mutilated backside as she watched Lisa Scott-Lee on the celebrity karaoke. I thought I might die laughing at that point.
By the way she'll have you know she doesn't use fake tan, that's "shimmery make-up" you're seeing all over her body there. Aye right, you po-faced munter. I make a concerted effort to like any and all Geordies in the public eye, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Come back Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/whatever, all is forgiven!
Phew. I feel better now. Any other celebrities you hate (but secretly love as they give you so much schadenlicious pleasure... see also: Marsh, Jodie for me!).
This self-obsessed, has-been Liberty X moose [for those of you who are wondering what the FUCK that is in the picture above].
I "met" her a couple of years back in a club and ever since I have taken a morbid kind of interest in her. So, while it is probably bad to admit to this, I was absolutely glued to that "documentary" about her wedding - total train wreck TV. Oh I do love celeb cack like this and I'm not half as ashamed as I should be. Is anyone else going to 'fess up to having watched it or am I alone in the purgatory of ITV2 watchers :razz:
I didn't think much of her fella beforehand but he is the catch of the century in comparison to this deluded cow. I'm not exactly ladylike myself but she has the foulest mouth I've ever heard in my life (limited vocabulary I reckon) and even told her poor, gormless sap of a boyfriend to "fuck off [babe]" when he proposed, HA. That is not to even start on her shit-stinking attitude and the way she had her dress tightened between final fitting and wedding day so her bazookas looked like exploding melons and the fact that she pencilled her Disney-villain eyebrows in extra dark for her big day. It was worth watching solely for his [unintentionally side-splitting] poetry while lying sunbathing next to his effing and blinding sweetheart; and Michelle's face like a mutilated backside as she watched Lisa Scott-Lee on the celebrity karaoke. I thought I might die laughing at that point.
By the way she'll have you know she doesn't use fake tan, that's "shimmery make-up" you're seeing all over her body there. Aye right, you po-faced munter. I make a concerted effort to like any and all Geordies in the public eye, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Come back Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/whatever, all is forgiven!
Phew. I feel better now. Any other celebrities you hate (but secretly love as they give you so much schadenlicious pleasure... see also: Marsh, Jodie for me!).
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
Post edited by JustV on
0
Comments
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Yes, I agree with the Jodie Marsh one. She drives me absolutely mental, silly cow, but I love it. I even read the "autobiography" when I was ill the other week.
My alltime favourite, however, is Newlyweds. I can't get enough of it... It's soooo bad, it's amazing!
Also, who is her husband? Is he some other ex 'star'?
The newlyweds with Jessica and Nick (who are now split up how ironic) is just fantastic. Love it Love it Love it. Guess what, I love it!!
Don't get me started, I could quote and talk about it for ever!!
It was on MTV the other day and I was glued, oh so so funny!
Those of you who didn't see this programme really missed out, it was true hilarity from start to finish. They even moved the venue of their wedding because the vicar dude didn't want cameras in the church and they were so concerned about keeping their deal with OK!
he`s also lisa scott lee`s brother
He must have a really big cock or something (mind, she's feel nowt smaller than the Titanic), the henpecked wee shite.
How old is she, she looks like she had a few face-lifts already...
Anyway...not attractive....AT ALL
Botox promotion ad.
Take a look at her, will ya! Gorgeous! I'd sooner have Goody's kebab in my personal space than that ropey old hag. Even that eligible bachelor/alleged rapist Jonathan Woodgate didn't want her, and that doesn't bode well for any ligger in the world of celebrity kling-ons.
I will admit that this is mainly as a result of my fella admitting (after one too many disco biscuits) the other week that he quite fancies a bit of Lawler action. This wasn't a random admission, we were talking about BB sex symbols... a hilarious thought in itself! I have to assume for my own sanity that he fancies her 'cause she looks like she'd take it up the bum in the club toilets; though she does look like she'd probably shit all over you immediately afterwards due to being a total mong. My only wish for Christmas this year is to give her a nice bubble bath - not in a kinky way - she looks like she needs a good scrub. Look at that picture, even though she has since has had a bath and touched up her roots with a delightful straw-yellow semi-permanent from Wilkos, Kate-munster should still probably give herself a good going over with a loofah and some Jif ...I'd say a lobotomy wouldn't go amiss but who'd notice the difference? Silly bint. Anyone remember her hair on Love Island? It looked like a BAD (bad bad) 80s rasta wig, it's a laugh or cry situation with that one.
I am a bit chuffed though, as this proves my "ultimate life truth" has validity - no matter how hard you try, you can't polish a turd.
Edit: The whole 'finding Kate Lawler attractive' thing is now being denied. Now that's what I call furious backtracking! "I would rather have a wank with high-grade sandpaper", for the record.
Oh, and why is no one else joining in!? I KNOW I am not the only twisted and evil old misery on these boards... or am I? :chin:
Animal, vegetable or mineral?
Kermit the thing about the henpecked hubby is that he seems like an alright bloke... just a bit gormless (though you'd have to be, wouldn't you!?).
That reminds me, she spent the programme hell-bent on emasculating him by chuntering on about how it was her money being spent on the wedding, her money this, her money that. I'd have sparked the bitch out but I think he's been neutered!
You mean like the column Michelle apparently has in OK! magazine? I haven't read it (yet!) but I can only imagine what that trog comments on. It can't be worse/better than Kerry Katona's mind you :thumb:
Keep going please!!!
Yeah, but I'd still fuck her.
BUT no one who has watched it could fail to agree about that woman who presents it, I cannot STAND her! How she dares to comment on the state of other people's hair when she is sporting that chip-fat looking, straw-coloured, over-ironed yellow fright wig!? Don't even get me started on her specs which are only otherwise worn by froofy, slightly overweight Danish furniture designers and Dame Edna. Blergh. I know it is wrong to hate people based on their nationality and accent, but her tight-lipped Sath Efrikkin crap makes me want to ram a pair of Manolo Blahniks into her eye sockets.
Repugnant witch. Given half a chance I'd give her a little make over of my own with a blow torch... battery acid optional :hyper:
However she did wear a lovely spotty tabard dress once, major points for usage of spots and a Rainbows uniform all in one outfit. It rocked. Hard.
I will have to mull over Billie "are you storing nuts for the winter or did you have your wisdom teeth removed?" Piper, but there is some bile in there somewhere I'm sure!
?
Dude, that's between you and your God.
I'm sure that "My God" would get several mentions. Anyway, I'm just a slut, so ignore me.
Would still get it though, just so I don't feel left out.
I can't abide Jordan and Peter, or that vile Hilton creature. I suppose with Jordan you can sort of understand why she appeals to some people (o)(o) but that Hilton thing just makes me want to heave.
I don't know what you could possibly mean about Paris Hilton, she and her lusty drunken wonk-eye are HOTT.