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Michelle Heaton

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
edited January 2023 in General Chat
Prepare yourself, I've got venom for...

_39137109_pg_x_michelle_pa.jpg

This self-obsessed, has-been Liberty X moose [for those of you who are wondering what the FUCK that is in the picture above].

I "met" her a couple of years back in a club and ever since I have taken a morbid kind of interest in her. So, while it is probably bad to admit to this, I was absolutely glued to that "documentary" about her wedding - total train wreck TV. Oh I do love celeb cack like this and I'm not half as ashamed as I should be. Is anyone else going to 'fess up to having watched it or am I alone in the purgatory of ITV2 watchers :razz:

I didn't think much of her fella beforehand but he is the catch of the century in comparison to this deluded cow. I'm not exactly ladylike myself but she has the foulest mouth I've ever heard in my life (limited vocabulary I reckon) and even told her poor, gormless sap of a boyfriend to "fuck off [babe]" when he proposed, HA. That is not to even start on her shit-stinking attitude and the way she had her dress tightened between final fitting and wedding day so her bazookas looked like exploding melons and the fact that she pencilled her Disney-villain eyebrows in extra dark for her big day. It was worth watching solely for his [unintentionally side-splitting] poetry while lying sunbathing next to his effing and blinding sweetheart; and Michelle's face like a mutilated backside as she watched Lisa Scott-Lee on the celebrity karaoke. I thought I might die laughing at that point.

By the way she'll have you know she doesn't use fake tan, that's "shimmery make-up" you're seeing all over her body there. Aye right, you po-faced munter. I make a concerted effort to like any and all Geordies in the public eye, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Come back Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/whatever, all is forgiven!

Phew. I feel better now. Any other celebrities you hate (but secretly love as they give you so much schadenlicious pleasure... see also: Marsh, Jodie for me!).
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
Post edited by JustV on
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    ........

    :lol:!

    Yes, I agree with the Jodie Marsh one. She drives me absolutely mental, silly cow, but I love it. I even read the "autobiography" when I was ill the other week.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have an obsession for shit like this too. When I saw the adverts for that Michelle Heaton/Andy Scott-Lee programme, I couldn't have laughed harder - unfortunately I missed it because of work.

    My alltime favourite, however, is Newlyweds. I can't get enough of it... :o It's soooo bad, it's amazing!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeh i really don't like michelle heaton. shes always being photographed getting out of cars wearing next to nothing, im sick of seeing her fat fadge. she has the tackiest, nastiest taste in clothes and make-up. common as muck.
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    At least Cheryl Tweedy is part of one of the most successful current groups. What is Michelle? An ex-realitiy tv band member, who's band broke up about 6 years ago. She really needs to let it go now and disappear into oblivion. She is dragging the whole thing waaaay out.

    Also, who is her husband? Is he some other ex 'star'?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My alltime favourite, however, is Newlyweds. I can't get enough of it... :o It's soooo bad, it's amazing!

    The newlyweds with Jessica and Nick (who are now split up how ironic) is just fantastic. Love it Love it Love it. Guess what, I love it!!

    Don't get me started, I could quote and talk about it for ever!!
    It was on MTV the other day and I was glued, oh so so funny! :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "I want to be as famous as Jordan and Peter or David and Victoria" BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Not likely you arse-faced bint.

    Those of you who didn't see this programme really missed out, it was true hilarity from start to finish. They even moved the venue of their wedding because the vicar dude didn't want cameras in the church and they were so concerned about keeping their deal with OK!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Also, who is her husband? Is he some other ex 'star'?
    yeah he was in some boyband, they split so he went on popstars (or the X factor, summat like that)

    he`s also lisa scott lee`s brother
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She deserves him and he deserves her.

    He must have a really big cock or something (mind, she's feel nowt smaller than the Titanic), the henpecked wee shite.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Women being obsessed by celebrities, that's unheard of!!!! ;)

    How old is she, she looks like she had a few face-lifts already...
    Anyway...not attractive....AT ALL
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What the fuck was that in the picture?! :eek:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    satehen wrote:
    What the fuck was that in the picture?! :eek:

    Botox promotion ad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: *wants to hear more of Briggi's venom* :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wtflol.giflmao.gif
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, my hatred for Kate Lawler has been simmering quite close to boiling point for a while now...

    kate.jpg

    Take a look at her, will ya! Gorgeous! I'd sooner have Goody's kebab in my personal space than that ropey old hag. Even that eligible bachelor/alleged rapist Jonathan Woodgate didn't want her, and that doesn't bode well for any ligger in the world of celebrity kling-ons.

    I will admit that this is mainly as a result of my fella admitting (after one too many disco biscuits) the other week that he quite fancies a bit of Lawler action. This wasn't a random admission, we were talking about BB sex symbols... a hilarious thought in itself! I have to assume for my own sanity that he fancies her 'cause she looks like she'd take it up the bum in the club toilets; though she does look like she'd probably shit all over you immediately afterwards due to being a total mong. My only wish for Christmas this year is to give her a nice bubble bath - not in a kinky way - she looks like she needs a good scrub. Look at that picture, even though she has since has had a bath and touched up her roots with a delightful straw-yellow semi-permanent from Wilkos, Kate-munster should still probably give herself a good going over with a loofah and some Jif ...I'd say a lobotomy wouldn't go amiss but who'd notice the difference? Silly bint. Anyone remember her hair on Love Island? It looked like a BAD (bad bad) 80s rasta wig, it's a laugh or cry situation with that one.

    I am a bit chuffed though, as this proves my "ultimate life truth" has validity - no matter how hard you try, you can't polish a turd.

    Edit: The whole 'finding Kate Lawler attractive' thing is now being denied. Now that's what I call furious backtracking! "I would rather have a wank with high-grade sandpaper", for the record.

    Oh, and why is no one else joining in!? I KNOW I am not the only twisted and evil old misery on these boards... or am I? :chin: :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nice boobs though!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Briggi - I so want you to have your own column. That is my only wish this Christmas!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    satehen wrote:
    What the fuck was that in the picture?! :eek:

    Animal, vegetable or mineral?

    Kermit the thing about the henpecked hubby is that he seems like an alright bloke... just a bit gormless (though you'd have to be, wouldn't you!?).

    That reminds me, she spent the programme hell-bent on emasculating him by chuntering on about how it was her money being spent on the wedding, her money this, her money that. I'd have sparked the bitch out but I think he's been neutered!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LacyMay wrote:
    Briggi - I so want you to have your own column. That is my only wish this Christmas!

    :lol:

    You mean like the column Michelle apparently has in OK! magazine? I haven't read it (yet!) but I can only imagine what that trog comments on. It can't be worse/better than Kerry Katona's mind you :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would Briggi, but theres no way I could top what youve written!

    Keep going please!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    Prepare yourself, I've got venom for...

    _39137109_pg_x_michelle_pa.jpg

    This self-obsessed, has-been Liberty X moose [for those of you who are wondering what the FUCK that is in the picture above].....

    Yeah, but I'd still fuck her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd read the briggi column, get writing lass.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in fact wondering why there was a random picture of Kat Slater in a thread about someone else id never heard of.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh, and do you do request? Billie Piper...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I might've run out of angry, hateful steam... for now! However when the footy's done I am off to watch 10 Years Younger (shurrup, I get all emotional when years of munting misery are ended by superficial slicing, dicing and power-dressing) that I have taped and I'm sure that will send me through the roof stirring up all kinds of bitchiness within.

    BUT no one who has watched it could fail to agree about that woman who presents it, I cannot STAND her! How she dares to comment on the state of other people's hair when she is sporting that chip-fat looking, straw-coloured, over-ironed yellow fright wig!? Don't even get me started on her specs which are only otherwise worn by froofy, slightly overweight Danish furniture designers and Dame Edna. Blergh. I know it is wrong to hate people based on their nationality and accent, but her tight-lipped Sath Efrikkin crap makes me want to ram a pair of Manolo Blahniks into her eye sockets.

    Repugnant witch. Given half a chance I'd give her a little make over of my own with a blow torch... battery acid optional :hyper:

    However she did wear a lovely spotty tabard dress once, major points for usage of spots and a Rainbows uniform all in one outfit. It rocked. Hard.

    I will have to mull over Billie "are you storing nuts for the winter or did you have your wisdom teeth removed?" Piper, but there is some bile in there somewhere I'm sure!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, but I'd still fuck her.

    ?

    Dude, that's between you and your God.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    ?

    Dude, that's between you and your God.

    I'm sure that "My God" would get several mentions. Anyway, I'm just a slut, so ignore me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sure that "My God" would get several mentions.
    :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She looks like a right dirty bitch, although she's probably like the Clyde Tunnel downstairs.

    Would still get it though, just so I don't feel left out.

    I can't abide Jordan and Peter, or that vile Hilton creature. I suppose with Jordan you can sort of understand why she appeals to some people (o)(o) but that Hilton thing just makes me want to heave.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri-namite wrote:
    I suppose with Jordan you can sort of understand why she appeals to some people (o)(o)

    :lol:

    I don't know what you could possibly mean about Paris Hilton, she and her lusty drunken wonk-eye are HOTT.

    PHILTONSHOES121606_03.jpg
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ooh i also hate kerry katona! she makes me want to puke!
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