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Sexuality
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
I would like to hear from guys who are uncertain of their sexuality particualry those who have changed from being gay to straight or who are gay but are in a heterosexual relationship.
I have been gay all my life but have recently felt the need to explore straight relationships. I do not know if I can have a mutually satisfactory sexual expereince with a woman as I have not tried. My sexual expereince with guys has not been fulfilling as I do not like anal sex. I heard that in the states they have so called Sorrogates who volunteer to have sex with guys who are uncertain about their sexuality by way of an introduction into heterosexual sex.
Thanks
O
I would like to hear from guys who are uncertain of their sexuality particualry those who have changed from being gay to straight or who are gay but are in a heterosexual relationship.
I have been gay all my life but have recently felt the need to explore straight relationships. I do not know if I can have a mutually satisfactory sexual expereince with a woman as I have not tried. My sexual expereince with guys has not been fulfilling as I do not like anal sex. I heard that in the states they have so called Sorrogates who volunteer to have sex with guys who are uncertain about their sexuality by way of an introduction into heterosexual sex.
Thanks
O
0
Comments
personally you should find a girl yourself who you find sexually and mentally attractive, even if slightly, and just see how that is, cause sex isnt just about the act and what sex it with, but with who the person is in relation to you
hope that helps
SBG
My opinion is its up to you if you want to explore straight relationships. A lot of gay people do, and often there isnt a shortage of women who would love to think they converted a gay guy!
I know my mum used to have a relationship with a gay bloke when she was at uni, he just wanted to try it out. It lasted about a year, and they still occasionally write to each other once in a blue moon, but he went back to being gay.
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
Helpline for lesbians and gay men, offering support and information.
Helpline: 020 7837 7324
www.llgs.org.uk
Then the other week, she met a guy she knew and thought she was attracted to him. So she kissed him and from then she said she is defintely a lesbian - though the poor lad was rejected. I felt soo sorry for him... so if you intend to experiment with the ladies - make sure you're straight with them. Tell them you're not looking for anything heavy and just a bit of fun, as you don't want to be leading them on.
There's no right or wrong - It's good you can be opened about these kinda things.
Just be careful. Xxx
My thoughts too. Can you feel that you may be able to have an deep emotional attachment to a woman? If not, the sex will be meaningless and will not prove anything to you.
Also, there are thousands of gay men out there that do not engage in anal sex. Anal sex does not define men being gay. Perhaps you really need to chat to someone (like the Gay Switchboard) to actually identify what your feelings are.
The reason why I am questioning my sexuality, is for two reasons:
Firsly most guys I meet interested in Anal sex which I don't enjoy. secodly all my gay expereinces have been emotionally unsatisfying this has led me to wonder if I can be in a mutually satisfying relationship with a woman.
Do you think that this is a long and deep-seated fear of under-performing with women that made you take the 'easy' way out and go with men (albeit with some level of attraction). After all, men know what men want and if it feels good for you, you know it probably feels good for them too.
Anyway, whatever happens, I hope that you find the right person in the end.
just keep an open mind
If you don't find women sexually attractive then it may well mean that you wouldn't find a relationship with them satisfying, as the sexual element would be missing. That doesn't mean that it isn't worth experimenting with, it depends if being good friends is enough.
The relationship that you had with your father could well have had something to do with your confusion.
Sexuality is not neccessarily either 'gay' or 'straight' but there can be plenty of levels of 'grey' in between. You may have just had mild bisexual tendencies but your situation pushed you further than you might have otherwise gone.
You may always still have bisexual tendencies but exploring the straight side of your sexuality may help give you a more fulfilling lovelife as far as sex and relationships go.
Dear All
Thanks for your messages...just an update I have met and am in a relationship with a woman, she's older than me but it is emotionaly and sexually satisfying. I do feel guilty for not coming out to her and the fact that I am still having sexual relations with guys when she's not around. I do love her and care about her but seem unable to resist the temptation to have sex with guys! I am less confused now because I know I am definetly gay but also that I can have a satisfying relationship with a woman. I could not bear to break up with her and that is why I am afraid to tell her the truth. I sometimes wonder if she knows or suspects and does not want to shatter what we have together? Is it wrong not to come out to her? if she's happy and I am happy why should I spoil it?
Regards
Only
It's good to hear that you are feeling more content with your sexuality and have met someone special. However, while I don't think it's wrong for you to come out to her as bisexual, the fact that you are cheating on her is obviously a massive issue.
I'm not going to tell you whether or not to tell her the truth, but perhaps think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. If she was having sex with people behind your back would you feel ok with it? Would you still consider the relationship you have was "emotionally satisfying?" or would you feel completely betrayed and want out?
I commence scientific research on that.
When I was ay university I classed myself as gay and had a 4 year relationship with another woman (albeit it wasn't a good relationship but that was because of the person not the fact she was a woman) I then had a relationship for a year with another woman and since then have dated mainly guys. I am now happily married to a man who knows about my past.
Phoenix
I was never attracted to men or never pondering about it, since day one.